RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/25/2010 8:30:14 AM)

quote:

Pertinent questions to ask a new prospect


~ Fast Meeting ~


I only asked one question - where and what time can we meet to talk. If the answer was more than 2 weeks or 'someday' - I moved on. I trusted no representation, picture or printed word, from any profile who I contacted or contacted me. Questions answered are unsubstantiated rhetoric, so why ask them. If your goal is a r/t relationship - the first step to knowing another person is r/t contact. No sex, no play; only talk and sharing company to find out not only if the physical representations made are accurate, but to see if the words used in the profile have the same meeting to her/him as they do to you.

I disclosed much more than I asked - whatever it took to generate confidence that she would be safe when we did meet; without restriction. I also gave them instructions and suggestions about how to set up a 'safe-call' and how she should NOT trust me and verify everything I was telling them providing the method to do so.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/28/2010 8:28:46 AM)

To the OP:

You know, the funny thing is... I have a list of 39 things I want in "the perfect partner" ... yes, 39. Not a one of them has to do with wiitwd. They are all about the person. I don't expect to find the person with these 39 things (Signore Wonderful had 38 of them - interesting, eh?) ... I may need to revise my list... hmmmm... It was an exercise in getting clear about what I would want if I could have everything (a more difficult task than I had anticipated).

Anyway. I think the most important things for me are asking about, nay actually witnessing, his relationships with other men, his relationships with people in service positions (waitresses, secretaries, etc), seeing his independence, confidence, passion. And I want to be in conversations in which I know stuff he doesn't know and he knows stuff I don't know, and we teach, learn from, grow in those conversations.

And he needs to enjoy me, like me, want me, enjoy laughing and touching and want to have all manner of sex from the gentle soft spring morning sex to wild thunder and lighting next to a roiling ocean kind.

Oh and he needs to be patient. He has to show me his patience. I appear very open and such but am in reality a very private person. I can be a tough nut to crack.

It would seem I'm from the actions speak louder than words school.

best,
sunshine


p.s. And he has to smell good. [;)]



UniqueRaven -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/28/2010 3:15:38 PM)

i've had Owners write to me and ask me to basically give them my slave "resume" and answer a list of questions.  i even had one ask me to write him a 1000 word essay as to why he should accept me as his slave.

My response is always (respectfully) - i don't know you (because i don't) - right now you're just someone online to me.  i don't even know if i want to serve you yet, let alone fill out a job application for the position of your slave.

i do have a general essay i've written about myself and my life that i call my "slave bio" - which i will share to help a potential Owner get a better sense of me, and what i have to offer of value as a slave.  My blog has also been very helpful for this, even though it isn't my direct intent in writing it.

Bottom line is like most everyone else says - approaching me by being himself, and giving me a good sense of who HE is, as a man, as an individual, and as a human being, goes way, way farther than any assumed "Masterly" actions or questions.  Because by getting to know him, i very quickly get the sense of whether the M/s stuff is also going to be there - or not.

There are also some side benefits to this...by not immediately asking me to answer questions and obey orders, he's showing me three things about himself that i greatly admire:  1.  That he's patient enough to wait for me to figure out that i need to serve him and; 2. That he cares about me as an individual, not just as a potential slave, and; 3.  That he is able to be thoughtful and methodical as a Man - which is even more wonderful in a Master.

i hope this helps.[:)]

[edited for a crucial typo]



reynardfox -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/28/2010 5:03:48 PM)

No one is ever going to pull a sub with a questionnaire! It's actually a case of wooing someone, exactly as you would in any other situation. You are looking for a lover, not an alien being. If people want you to talk a lot of dominant crap from the start then they are only looking for a wank and having had that, they no longer need you.
I spent three years getting one girl to talk to me, we've been married now for over thirty years and we spend months gently making our attentions felt.
Most of our pets and friends come from that cold and nasty place, the real world, and they need to be mildly educated into what we are and what we do before we start playing. We start with dress up and gentle games and often don't go much past that, but when we do....



Kana -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/29/2010 5:12:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

As we all know. the main site on Collarme is designed as a meeting place.  With that established, hen you look for a new sub or slave be it on CM or in RL, do you have a general list of things that you ask them to
  1. Prove their genuineness.
  2. find out just how to deal with them as far as message content and tone are concerned.
  3. Do you assert your Domly power straight away or do you do the vanilla thing?
Seems difficult to get a second evening of chat around here. maybe my technique is all wrong.  I attempt to be a human being, and treat them with the same respect. Seems that isnt working too well so i'm here to pick up tips..



1-I assume everyone online, without exception, is not who they portray themselves to be until I eyeball em, and even then, I remain skeptical for a period of time.It's not being cynical, but if you want to stay here an extended period, you develop thick skin.
2-I deal with them the same way I would deal with them if I met them in a supermarket, witty, polite, ask questions, listen, try to leave a great first (2nd,3rd,5th,900,000th) impression-make her want to come back to me.
3-See answer 2. A note re "domliness"-to paraphrase Mae West, if you have to prove you are powerful and in control, you ain't.

It takes time meeting people here, but lemme promise you, it is well worth it. I have met some of the most incredible women in my life here-Kana gives CM two thumbs up.



Syrox -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/29/2010 6:58:01 AM)

Reading back after a couple of days away from the thread. I realise that my OP was very clinical in nature.  I have never done the whole "Give me your lists" thing.. I tend to try to weave the questions that are important to me (such as I have kids, is that an issue? or How do you feel about a Dom with only a small amount of experience to name but two) into the conversation. 

I am very patient with those who i AM interested in and who have taken the time to A) exchange messages either via Cmail or IM. or B)  occasionally I will test the water with something like a quick remark to a cheeky comment.  (an example is recently i have been speaking to someone over MSN and the subject of my birthday came up... I told her my age that i would be and her response was "Ha ha, Happy Birthday old man!" to which I replied... "HEY! Less of the Old, or I'll have you over my knee!  which gained a positive response).  It all takes time and patience, both of which i have a lot of.  The poiint of this thread was pretty much to double check my own check list to make sure there wasn't comething I was missing which may be a vital answer..  Seems that a lot of the suggestions here are things I already do anyway.  I try to make it a friendly experience, yet subtly let it be known that she is safe and can feel free to say whatever she chooses without fear of being laughed at or embarrassed.

Yeah it all sounds pretty clinical here. clinical is my style of writing, where as my style of conversation is much more light hearted, fun and essentially, the same person I am in RL. 

Thanks for your awesome replies.  as always you have all been most enlightening!



domincalifornia -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/29/2010 9:18:12 AM)

My philosophy is just to be me. If I send an email to someone, I talk about vanilla topics first, because I want to get to know them as a person and because if you start off with BDSM that can overwhelm everything else. BDSM is not after all the most important thing in my life or the primary way in which I define myself.

I don't need to assert my "dom power," because I don't believe such a power exists outside the context of a relationship. Certainly, I will be confident and strong, but I don't need to be unpleasant or overbearing.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (5/29/2010 9:29:41 AM)

The thing that got my attention when my Sir first cmailed me, was that he basically said he didn't "do" chat and would like to meet me to see how we got along. That pretty much let me know that he was wanting a realtime relationship - as was i.

He also let me dictate the time and place. We did very little cyber chatting or telephoning, because that wasn't what he or i were interested in.

I got lucky.



SirDarkside357 -> RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. (6/1/2010 5:30:30 PM)

I don't think there is a set way to deal with CM folk, atleast not one that always works.  As for me, I just be myself, that way, if and when it works, I don't have to change the way I am.



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