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Ishtarr -> RE: Slavery is bullshit (5/29/2010 1:48:25 PM)
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~FR~
I think the reason so often there is this whole confusion between slavery in the BDSM sense and slavery in the historical and legal sense is because the fundamental dynamic of the relationship is so different.
Legal and historical slavery is a perfect example of a parasitical relationship where the parasite -owner- takes advantage of the host -slave- without offering anything in return, and without caring about or seeking the consent of the host.
It's a one-sided relationship where one party takes all without having to give any thought or consideration to the other party. Any efforts the parasite makes towards the host when it comes to caring about the host's needs (like food, water, shelter and such) are only made to enable the parasite to prolong the usefulness of the host.
Slavery in the BDSM sense is on the other hand a symbiotic relationships where each party gives and takes in the relationship, it's just that they both give and take different things, in different measures.
Even though the dominant party might "use" the submissive party, there is no true usage like there is in a parasitical relationship, because in the end the submissive party's needs still need to be fulfilled in order to sustain the relationship.
This includes a sense of emotional and psychological fulfillment, as well as the fulfillment of more physiological needs.
The confusion arises due to the fact that submissive often find emotional and psychological fulfillment by serving and being used by the dominant party, which creates the illusion that the dominant party just takes from the relationship without giving back. But even though this illusion is created, the truth of the matter is that the dominant party needs to give back to the relationship and to the submissive as much as they take in order to find the balance that leads to a harmonious M/s relationship.
In essence, the submissive demands as much from the relationship as the dominant does, it's just that the submissive's demands are expressed in a totally different, and less obvious way than the dominant's demands.
When a harmonious M/s relationship is achieved it is truly a beautiful thing, and incredibly fulfilling for both the dominant and the submissive. The sad thing is that there are so many people out there who fail to see that in order for this to be accomplished, a symbiotic relationship needs to be created instead of a parasitical one.
There are SO many profiles out there of dominant talking about taking slaves who clearly indicated that they feel that they as dominants do not have to give back to the relationship; as well as SO many profiles of slaves who claim they are looking for a parasitical dominant.
I've never seen a relationship like that actually work out long term and create an environment in which everybody is happy.
Maybe that's just because I've never seen it before, and I would appreciate anybody pointing out such a SUCCESFUL parasitical relationship to me, should they know of it's existence
What I do see is that all the "happy" M/s relationships here on the board always show clear signs in the posts of the participants that the relationship is a very close and harmonious symbiotic relationship that just exists in an unequal power dynamic.
To me, the problem is not that "slavery is bullshit" but the idea that "parasitical relationship can be successful" is bullshit.
Slavery and ownership can definitely be established and create happy people, but only in a symbiotic environment
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