RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

DarkSteven -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 9:20:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika You are too sweet. But now the OP perved my profile ;-) - LA I perved it as well, to balance things out. I'm nice that way.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 10:27:56 AM)
subbietom2, Thought i should add one more point. At the time I was exploring, I was an upwardly mobile career gentleman. I felt munchs and so on ... would be too ... career threatening. Especially, when I didn't really know what I wanted. This is a reason I went the Pro Domme route. Therefore, my knowledge of what you can learn in the other venues mentioned here ... is non existent. Do rely on people like Lady Pact for this type of insight.

LadyAngelika -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 12:54:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika You are too sweet. But now the OP perved my profile ;-) - LA I perved it as well, to balance things out. I'm nice that way. What a pal! Didja get your jollies? ;-) - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 12:56:16 PM)
quote: The other thing is … these Ladies are real … and they are Women. Touches herself Yup! A real woman ;-) - LA

VaguelyCurious -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 12:58:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Touches herself Oh really? [8D] (Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...)

LadyAngelika -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 12:59:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Touches herself Oh really? [8D] (Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...) Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-) - LA

LillyoftheVally -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 12:59:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Touches herself Oh really? [8D] (Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...) Gotta admit my mind went right there too

VaguelyCurious -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:01:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-) But of course :P

LadyAngelika -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-) But of course :P I was looking at that pic of your new tattoo as your avatar and thinking about running my fingers up it, for starters ;-) (ok... must stop derailing thread, must take cold shower now) - LA

VaguelyCurious -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:06:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika I was looking at that pic of your new tattoo as your avatar and thinking about running my fingers up it, for starters ;-) I can't tell you how much that's the reaction I was hoping for when I got it...:P

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:28:03 PM)
Jeez … talk about thread hijacks and diversions! LOL Guys … don’t ya just love seeing two beautiful Ladies … chuckles … don’t need to finish this thought! ROFL

LadyHibiscus -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:31:00 PM)
I am okay with lack of "experience"... sometimes. The older a person is, the more time they've had to just LIVE, and absorb, and ponder those hot hot fantasies. If a person in These Modern Times has gotten to my age and done NOTHING about the fantasy they've had their entire adult lives, well, I just have to say WTF? Yes, that's harsh, sue me. I don't want to explain to someone that reality---and I mean the reality of MOST of us who post on the boards, who have D/s or BDSM or M/s as some aspect of their lives---is just not the stuff of meninpain.com. I don't want to teach someone social skills. I don't want to do the basic WORK that someone should have done already. I don't mean that there is some kind of miracle course out there--I mean that the new person should have some idea of what he WANTS from all this. Not, "whatever pleases you, Mistress!", but what he really WANTS. Hot sex? Emotional fulfillment? The chance to cut the lawn with scissors? As LP says, it's tough enough to get a relationship going. I KNOW what I want, the other person should be able to say the same. How else can you establish any kind of initial compatibility?

Lockit -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 1:38:44 PM)
[sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] Lady Hib! I want someone at least half aware as an adult human being no matter their experiences and anyone taking porn to be the way it really is, just doesn't strike me as being real aware. Clueless just doesn't get it for me.

subbietom2 -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 2:28:34 PM)
i greatly appreciate all of your excellent advice. i apologize for obviously being so clueless, but this has been very helpful. The first thing i will do is change my profile to give a better indication about what kind of person i am. Then, based on the excellent comments in this forum, i will try to become involved in munches. However, as several of you suggested, i will not necessarily rule out going to a Professional Domme to gain some experience, recognizing that this will not be my long term objective.

DarkSteven -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 2:38:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo subbietom2, I read this thread, as well as your profile, and I felt I should share my thoughts. [huge long post] seekingOwnertoo, that was a wonderful post.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 2:41:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbietom2 i greatly appreciate all of your excellent advice. i apologize for obviously being so clueless, but this has been very helpful. The first thing i will do is change my profile to give a better indication about what kind of person i am. Then, based on the excellent comments in this forum, i will try to become involved in munches. However, as several of you suggested, i will not necessarily rule out going to a Professional Domme to gain some experience, recognizing that this will not be my long term objective. Great approach. And good luck! Don't forget to read some books ... too. They can provide insight and understanding. Just like in school. Avoid fantasy land ... not those types of books. Rather thoughtful ones about BDSM and D/s .... also learn the terms ... There are lists of good reading material here on the CM Forums ... i just don't remember where .. so if SOMEONE can help him out ... Help Moderator ! Oh ... and do read the boards ... participate when it is appropriate, too. Myself ... I find Lady Pact and Lady Angelika ... to be more of the thoughtful participants ... although there are many others. Well, maybe Lady Angelika, when she is not chasing other Dommes around. [;)] Just kidding with that. But the kidding is a lesson too ... based on what I have read so far from your writing ...

LadyPact -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 3:21:35 PM)
There is a very good book list here that has been compiled by ResidentSadist http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm . Also, MasterFireMaam has one in her signature line. I would definitely recommend that you stick to the non fiction selections. I would suggest "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "The New Bottoming Book" for anybody starting out.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 3:58:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo That said, the Ladies here have given you wonderful accurate advice. Don’t disregard it … but their advice is not what I did! LOL Great post, SeekingOwnerToo! i have to agree with you. i too disagree with the ladies. Meeting a Domme for a relationship is a big step. Based on the things that the OP has said, and what's in his profile, he's not ready for that yet. i remember when i was coming out of college. In an effort to prepare myself for job interviews with companies that i REALLY wanted to work for, i went on practice interviews with companies that i didn't want to work for. i think that the OP would benefit from a similar strategy. So much of what he writes seems to be a mix of fantasy, porn, and poor social skills (no offense), that i think he would benefit from taking it slow. He should do some "practice submission". i think that phone domination, or even webcam sessions are a good start. It will allow him to step away from the porn and truly interact with someone (without the potential for blowing a real relationship). Once you've done that, you may want to participate in a session (or more) with a pro Domme. In this step, you will get an introduction to actually being in the same room with a Domme. She will probably tie you up or spank you (or whatever your fantasy is). This will be very different from talking to someone on the phone or on-line. Once you try some of that, then you'll have a better basis for deciding whether you want a real relationship with a dominant woman. You may decide that "real" D/s sucks, and that you prefer sticking to porn. i agree with the recommendation to go to a local munch or play party. However, the problem with that is that it is sometimes difficult for single sub men to find someone to play with. Moreover, i think someone said that you are 58 years old. That will make it even more difficult. It may not be the case in the city that you live in, but i've noticed that the local BDSM club in my town and several other cities that i've visited, seem to be undergoing a youth movement. TNG groups seem to be taking over. They don't seem to be as welcoming of us "mature" people. ;-) Another point that you probably want to correct. Don't require that your first session be with a smokin' hot centerfold model. That feeds into the porn fantasy. In my experience, looks are not all that important. BDSM is 90% mental. What you want is someone with experience and a great imagination. If her mental game is strong, she will quickly make you forget that she doesn't look like a centerfold. Frankly, most of the best Dommes that i have served over the years have not been stunningly beautiful. But they have understood how to get into a male sub's head, and THAT is what's important. That's my 2 cents. Hope there's something there that you find useful.

bighappygoth39 -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/29/2010 5:08:27 PM)
If you already know exactly what you're looking for then that's great, but you need to know if you want a relationship or just some play for experience. If you feel you're ready for a relationship, then you need to be very patient. As has been said before, going to munches might help. My boyfriend had not had a D/s relationship before meeting me but he knew what he wanted and because I had (and always will have) great respect for him, I knew I would have to go slow with him, and I still do, especially when introducing new things to him. I'm sure that once you find the right person for you then they will have the same patience with you and you will bloom as she takes you deeper into your submission... Good luck anyway.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help (5/30/2010 12:30:10 AM)
The OP has done his part, in thanking those who posted. But as i read this thread now ... a number of posts are addressed to me. So, in the Collarme tradition, i thought it appropriate to give thank Yous .. also quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact There is a very good book list here that has been compiled by ResidentSadist http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm . Also, MasterFireMaam has one in her signature line. I would definitely recommend that you stick to the non fiction selections. I would suggest "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "The New Bottoming Book" for anybody starting out. Great advice, Lady Pact. And thank You! If i was a newbie ... just starting ... i would follow Your advice. i say this now ... because i know ... You are quite experienced in leading the groups You speak of .... quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo subbietom2, I read this thread, as well as your profile, and I felt I should share my thoughts. [huge long post] seekingOwnertoo, that was a wonderful post. Thank you Dark Steven. I appreciate Your comments. The OP may wish to know ... Dark Steven is a Dominant Male ... but from what i read, he is also a man of integrity ... well, when he is not joking! [;)] quote: ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39 If you already know exactly what you're looking for then that's great, but you need to know if you want a relationship or just some play for experience. If you feel you're ready for a relationship, then you need to be very patient. As has been said before, going to munches might help. My boyfriend had not had a D/s relationship before meeting me but he knew what he wanted and because I had (and always will have) great respect for him, I knew I would have to go slow with him, and I still do, especially when introducing new things to him. I'm sure that once you find the right person for you then they will have the same patience with you and you will bloom as she takes you deeper into your submission... Good luck anyway. Thank You for Your post and Your insight. Although ... i know this was not meant to be addressed to me ... Welcome to the boards! i am sure You will become a great contributor! [:)] AND Finally ... quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo That said, the Ladies here have given you wonderful accurate advice. Don’t disregard it … but their advice is not what I did! LOL Great post, SeekingOwnerToo! i have to agree with you. i too disagree with the ladies. Meeting a Domme for a relationship is a big step. Based on the things that the OP has said, and what's in his profile, he's not ready for that yet. i remember when i was coming out of college. In an effort to prepare myself for job interviews with companies that i REALLY wanted to work for, i went on practice interviews with companies that i didn't want to work for. i think that the OP would benefit from a similar strategy. So much of what he writes seems to be a mix of fantasy, porn, and poor social skills (no offense), that i think he would benefit from taking it slow. He should do some "practice submission". [cut for length] Likewise .... GREAT POST ... You and I see really close on this one! And i love the interview analogy ... it is so true!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875