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RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 9:20:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

You are too sweet. But now the OP perved my profile ;-)

- LA

I perved it as well, to balance things out. I'm nice that way.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 10:27:56 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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subbietom2,

Thought i should add one more point. At the time I was exploring, I was an upwardly mobile career gentleman.

I felt munchs and so on ... would be too ... career threatening. Especially, when I didn't really know what I wanted. This is a reason I went the Pro Domme route.

Therefore, my knowledge of what you can learn in the other venues mentioned here ... is non existent.

Do rely on people like Lady Pact for this type of insight.

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 12:54:05 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

You are too sweet. But now the OP perved my profile ;-)

- LA

I perved it as well, to balance things out. I'm nice that way.

What a pal! Didja get your jollies? ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 12:56:16 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

The other thing is … these Ladies are real … and they are Women.

*Touches herself* Yup! A real woman ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 12:58:20 PM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

*Touches herself*

Oh really?

(Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...)

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 12:59:12 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

*Touches herself*

Oh really?

(Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...)

Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 12:59:35 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

*Touches herself*

Oh really?

(Sorry sorry sorry couldn't help myself but in my defence you quite clearly set that up for the taking...)

Gotta admit my mind went right there too

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:01:00 PM

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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-)

But of course :P

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:02:44 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Oh yes, and I was thinking of you darling ;-)

But of course :P

I was looking at that pic of your new tattoo as your avatar and thinking about running my fingers up it, for starters ;-)

(ok... must stop derailing thread, must take cold shower now)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:06:33 PM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I was looking at that pic of your new tattoo as your avatar and thinking about running my fingers up it, for starters ;-)

I can't tell you how much that's the reaction I was hoping for when I got it...:P

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:28:03 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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Jeez … talk about thread hijacks and diversions! LOL

Guys … don’t ya just love seeing two beautiful Ladies … chuckles … don’t need to finish this thought! ROFL

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:31:00 PM

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Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I am okay with lack of "experience"... sometimes. The older a person is, the more time they've had to just LIVE, and absorb, and ponder those hot hot fantasies. If a person in These Modern Times has gotten to my age and done NOTHING about the fantasy they've had their entire adult lives, well, I just have to say WTF?

Yes, that's harsh, sue me.

I don't want to explain to someone that reality---and I mean the reality of MOST of us who post on the boards, who have D/s or BDSM or M/s as some aspect of their lives---is just not the stuff of meninpain.com. I don't want to teach someone social skills. I don't want to do the basic WORK that someone should have done already. I don't mean that there is some kind of miracle course out there--I mean that the new person should have some idea of what he WANTS from all this. Not, "whatever pleases you, Mistress!", but what he really WANTS. Hot sex? Emotional fulfillment? The chance to cut the lawn with scissors?

As LP says, it's tough enough to get a relationship going. I KNOW what I want, the other person should be able to say the same. How else can you establish any kind of initial compatibility?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 1:38:44 PM

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Lady Hib!

I want someone at least half aware as an adult human being no matter their experiences and anyone taking porn to be the way it really is, just doesn't strike me as being real aware.

Clueless just doesn't get it for me.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 2:28:34 PM

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i greatly appreciate all of your excellent advice. i apologize for obviously being so clueless, but this has been very helpful. The first thing i will do is change my profile to give a better indication about what kind of person i am. Then, based on the excellent comments in this forum, i will try to become involved in munches. However, as several of you suggested, i will not necessarily rule out going to a Professional Domme to gain some experience, recognizing that this will not be my long term objective.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 2:38:39 PM

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

subbietom2,

I read this thread, as well as your profile, and I felt I should share my thoughts.

[huge long post]

seekingOwnertoo, that was a wonderful post.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 2:41:25 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbietom2

i greatly appreciate all of your excellent advice. i apologize for obviously being so clueless, but this has been very helpful. The first thing i will do is change my profile to give a better indication about what kind of person i am. Then, based on the excellent comments in this forum, i will try to become involved in munches. However, as several of you suggested, i will not necessarily rule out going to a Professional Domme to gain some experience, recognizing that this will not be my long term objective.

Great approach. And good luck!

Don't forget to read some books ... too. They can provide insight and understanding. Just like in school.

Avoid fantasy land ... not those types of books.

Rather thoughtful ones about BDSM and D/s .... also learn the terms ...

There are lists of good reading material here on the CM Forums ... i just don't remember where .. so if SOMEONE can help him out ...

Help Moderator !

Oh ... and do read the boards ... participate when it is appropriate, too. Myself ... I find Lady Pact and Lady Angelika ... to be more of the thoughtful participants ... although there are many others.

Well, maybe Lady Angelika, when she is not chasing other Dommes around.

Just kidding with that.

But the kidding is a lesson too ... based on what I have read so far from your writing ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 5/29/2010 3:03:40 PM >

(in reply to subbietom2)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 3:21:35 PM

Posts: 32566
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There is a very good book list here that has been compiled by ResidentSadist http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm . Also, MasterFireMaam has one in her signature line. I would definitely recommend that you stick to the non fiction selections.

I would suggest "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "The New Bottoming Book" for anybody starting out.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 3:58:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

That said, the Ladies here have given you wonderful accurate advice. Don’t disregard it … but their advice is not what I did! LOL

Great post, SeekingOwnerToo!

i have to agree with you. i too disagree with the ladies.

Meeting a Domme for a relationship is a big step. Based on the things that the OP has said, and what's in his profile, he's not ready for that yet.

i remember when i was coming out of college. In an effort to prepare myself for job interviews with companies that i REALLY wanted to work for, i went on practice interviews with companies that i didn't want to work for. i think that the OP would benefit from a similar strategy. So much of what he writes seems to be a mix of fantasy, porn, and poor social skills (no offense), that i think he would benefit from taking it slow. He should do some "practice submission".

i think that phone domination, or even webcam sessions are a good start. It will allow him to step away from the porn and truly interact with someone (without the potential for blowing a real relationship). Once you've done that, you may want to participate in a session (or more) with a pro Domme. In this step, you will get an introduction to actually being in the same room with a Domme. She will probably tie you up or spank you (or whatever your fantasy is). This will be very different from talking to someone on the phone or on-line.

Once you try some of that, then you'll have a better basis for deciding whether you want a real relationship with a dominant woman. You may decide that "real" D/s sucks, and that you prefer sticking to porn.

i agree with the recommendation to go to a local munch or play party. However, the problem with that is that it is sometimes difficult for single sub men to find someone to play with. Moreover, i think someone said that you are 58 years old. That will make it even more difficult. It may not be the case in the city that you live in, but i've noticed that the local BDSM club in my town and several other cities that i've visited, seem to be undergoing a youth movement. TNG groups seem to be taking over. They don't seem to be as welcoming of us "mature" people. ;-)

Another point that you probably want to correct. Don't require that your first session be with a smokin' hot centerfold model. That feeds into the porn fantasy. In my experience, looks are not all that important. BDSM is 90% mental. What you want is someone with experience and a great imagination. If her mental game is strong, she will quickly make you forget that she doesn't look like a centerfold. Frankly, most of the best Dommes that i have served over the years have not been stunningly beautiful. But they have understood how to get into a male sub's head, and THAT is what's important.

That's my 2 cents. Hope there's something there that you find useful.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/29/2010 4:01:48 PM >

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/29/2010 5:08:27 PM

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

If you already know exactly what you're looking for then that's great, but you need to know if you want a relationship or just some play for experience. If you feel you're ready for a relationship, then you need to be very patient. As has been said before, going to munches might help. My boyfriend had not had a D/s relationship before meeting me but he knew what he wanted and because I had (and always will have) great respect for him, I knew I would have to go slow with him, and I still do, especially when introducing new things to him. I'm sure that once you find the right person for you then they will have the same patience with you and you will bloom as she takes you deeper into your submission... Good luck anyway.

< Message edited by bighappygoth39 -- 5/29/2010 5:09:58 PM >

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: inexperienced submissive male needs help - 5/30/2010 12:30:10 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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The OP has done his part, in thanking those who posted.

But as i read this thread now ... a number of posts are addressed to me. So, in the Collarme tradition, i thought it appropriate to give thank Yous .. also

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There is a very good book list here that has been compiled by ResidentSadist http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm . Also, MasterFireMaam has one in her signature line. I would definitely recommend that you stick to the non fiction selections.

I would suggest "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "The New Bottoming Book" for anybody starting out.

Great advice, Lady Pact. And thank You!

If i was a newbie ... just starting ... i would follow Your advice. i say this now ... because i know ... You are quite experienced in leading the groups You speak of ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

subbietom2,

I read this thread, as well as your profile, and I felt I should share my thoughts.

[huge long post]

seekingOwnertoo, that was a wonderful post.

Thank you Dark Steven. I appreciate Your comments. The OP may wish to know ... Dark Steven is a Dominant Male ... but from what i read, he is also a man of integrity ... well, when he is not joking!

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

If you already know exactly what you're looking for then that's great, but you need to know if you want a relationship or just some play for experience. If you feel you're ready for a relationship, then you need to be very patient. As has been said before, going to munches might help. My boyfriend had not had a D/s relationship before meeting me but he knew what he wanted and because I had (and always will have) great respect for him, I knew I would have to go slow with him, and I still do, especially when introducing new things to him. I'm sure that once you find the right person for you then they will have the same patience with you and you will bloom as she takes you deeper into your submission... Good luck anyway.

Thank You for Your post and Your insight. Although ... i know this was not meant to be addressed to me ...

Welcome to the boards! i am sure You will become a great contributor!

AND Finally ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

That said, the Ladies here have given you wonderful accurate advice. Don’t disregard it … but their advice is not what I did! LOL

Great post, SeekingOwnerToo!

i have to agree with you. i too disagree with the ladies.

Meeting a Domme for a relationship is a big step. Based on the things that the OP has said, and what's in his profile, he's not ready for that yet.

i remember when i was coming out of college. In an effort to prepare myself for job interviews with companies that i REALLY wanted to work for, i went on practice interviews with companies that i didn't want to work for. i think that the OP would benefit from a similar strategy. So much of what he writes seems to be a mix of fantasy, porn, and poor social skills (no offense), that i think he would benefit from taking it slow. He should do some "practice submission".

[cut for length]

Likewise .... GREAT POST ... You and I see really close on this one! And i love the interview analogy ... it is so true!

(in reply to LadyPact)

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