How many subs have a vicious streak?

How many subs have a vicious streak? (Full Version)

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gungadin09 -> How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 4:48:49 PM)
i have a vicious streak that sometimes bothers me. It comes into play a lot at work. i work in the restaurant industry where the the job requires you to be aggressive. But sometimes i take it too far. i've worked in some really hardcore French restaurants where people were extremely aggressive. Under those circumstances it was considered completely normal to behave like that. It was everyone's responsibility to make sure service was perfect, even if it meant criticising or even coercing others. You had to get in people's faces sometimes. It was understood that this was just the way people behaved during service, and at the end of the night, we all shook hands and let it roll off our backs. But in lesser restaurants, i have sometimes blown people away by being too aggressive, even when i didn't mean to be. When someone made a mistake, i would be very direct in criticising them for it. It's not that i was trying to be "mean", per se. My intent was never to humiliate someone, to get them in trouble, or to make them feel bad. i was attacking their work, not them. The idea was that it was my responsibility to say something if i saw someone doing wrong, instead of turning a blind eye; that if i failed to act i would be an accomplice in their guilt. i would have expected the same treatment from them if they saw me make a mistake. However, people had a tendency to take it personally, and i had to learn to keep my mouth shut and let things go. But even so, i know i sometimes came off as aggressive or even mean. i tend to see this as being the consequence of my learning to cook in really hardcore kitchens; that my behavior is just being misunderstood by people who have never worked in that kind of an environment. However, i've had problems outside of work, too. Most of these other problems have come from my relationships. i can have a crush on someone, but the second they like me back i start pushing them away. i have been downright mean to people who were flirting with me. Then, from high school onward, i had a series of relationships with men who i kind of treated like shit once we were going out. i found their niceness really tiring. The nicer they were, the meaner i was in return. There were times when i shocked myself by being so mean. My relationships were disasters, and eventually i stopped dating all together. This last January, i finally began the first relationship i'd had in 9 years. It only lasted a few months, but at least i didn't treat the guy like shit. He was a Dom, anyway. i wouldn't have got away with it. i think part of the problem is the fact that i really don't like sex. But, i don't think that's the whole problem. Anyway, i'm curious to know if other subs have had similar problems. Thanks for reading. pam

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 5:53:59 PM)
Yes. They either learn to work it through and be mature, or they stay junior high assholes.

Aylee -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 5:57:38 PM)
Perhaps you should pick up that book, "How to win friends and influence people" for some hints.

domiguy -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 6:04:25 PM)
It's good to know that there are cunts out there that don't like sex altogether. I always thought they were just cunts that didn't want to have sex with me. I feel so much better. Thank you gungadin. You are the nicest person on CM.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 6:20:36 PM)
~Fast Reply~ Yes, i have a realtime friend who is a sub and she can be very vicious. Doms that really like her a lot and she starts seeing Them because she says she likes them a lot back, before long she's treating Them like shit and pushes Them away. i feel sorry for these poor Guys. And she wonders why she's alone most of the time. Hmmm....... [8\|] ~sweetsub~

gungadin09 -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 6:51:32 PM)
Well, i'm not that mean. i was thinking mostly about high school, and my first few years of college. i'm not vicious in my relationships anymore, except at work, where it is sort of normal. i didn't mean that i'm a vicious person. "Vicious" is probably the wrong word. i might have said honest, aggressive, or blunt. To me, the term "vicious" implies that I was deliberately trying to hurt or humiliate someone, and that was not the case. i think it just shocks people, sometimes, to see that side of me come out, because i'm usually a very quiet, well behaved person. People assume that i'm shy, or even weak, and they're shocked to see this ultra strong, confident side come out. People underestimate my strength, i think, but i'm never "mean". "Mean" was the wrong word. "Passive aggressive", maybe, especially where old boyfriends were concerned. And, yes, i hate having sex. It's not your fault, guys. pam

DarkSteven -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/30/2010 8:37:25 PM)
pam, there are two kinds of relationships a sub ought to have. One is with his or her Dom/me, and the other is with the rest of the world. You should submit to your D type, but you have no obligation to submit to anyone else. Your relations with anyone except your D type are not dictated by your submissive nature. Actually, if you have to be a nonsub all day, it just makes your submission sweeter when you get home. You may want to look into service sub types of relationships. They are D/s based, but have no sex in them.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 1:43:36 AM)
Hello g - The more you post, the more I think you need to deal with something. You are miserable and aggressive. What's really wrong? you are only happy when you are miserable and now you are vicious. Seriously, you have some work to do. good luck, sunshine

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 1:55:50 AM)
Nope, not vicious at all. Just doesn't work for me, since I tend to feel guilty, and I really hate to feel in the wrong. I really try to avoid that whole unpleasantness. Now, on the rare chance than someone threatens my children or family. Hmm...well, I've been known to inform the person that I'd spend my last dime buying the biggest, baddest, meanest motherfucker I can find to rape their asses. Does that really count as vicious though? I'd call it more along the lines of home security.

myotherself -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 3:37:25 AM)
Although I come across as confident in 'nilla life, I've always had real problems with confrontation. I would do anything to avoid it, and when it inevitably happened in work and at home I would always be the first one to back down. This used to make me angry, resentful and argumentative. So, flash forward to my thirties. I got talking to a friend of a friend, and it came up in conversation. Turns out she was a counsellor and one of her specialities was anger management and self-assertiveness. I spent a few hours with this lovely lady, and she taught me so many tricks to deal with these situations. Probably the most important things she told me were: nobody likes a whiner, everyone likes a problem-solver; the attitude you give will be the attitude you get back; and treat people in the way you'd like them to treat you. So now I'm not so argumentative, and if there is a niggling issue that is bothering me then I deal with it in a non-confrontational manner. I still get a little stressed worrying about dealing with it, but I bite the bullet and sort it out. Only last week I had to talk to my boss about schedules for the next period (mine has been very unfair and unbalanced this year) so I went to him with the issue and the solution. He admitted the schedule was unfair, explained why it was so, and we discussed what would make me happy next period. We both left the meeting smiling. Relationships are a different issue. I find it takes a long time for me to fall in love. To me, it's a major commitment and you need to be sure of your feelings before you voice them. I have been in love twice before, and hope very much to fall in love again. My issues with partners arises when they start professing love on a second or third date. To me, that smacks of insincerity and desperation. Maybe it's true for them, I don't know - I tend to think they're confusing love and lust [:)] So anyone who is planning our lives together, telling me that they love me or (and I HATE this!) starts using goo-goo babytalk in the first few dates is shown the door. I want an intelligent, dominant man who is sure of his feelings, respectful of mine and who is above all a grown-up! Rant over [:D]

lally2 -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 4:51:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 .Most of these other problems have come from my relationships. i can have a crush on someone, but the second they like me back i start pushing them away. i have been downright mean to people who were flirting with me. Then, from high school onward, i had a series of relationships with men who i kind of treated like shit once we were going out. i found their niceness really tiring. The nicer they were, the meaner i was in return. There were times when i shocked myself by being so mean. My relationships were disasters, and eventually i stopped dating all together. This last January, i finally began the first relationship i'd had in 9 years. It only lasted a few months, but at least i didn't treat the guy like shit. He was a Dom, anyway. i wouldn't have got away with it. i think part of the problem is the fact that i really don't like sex. But, i don't think that's the whole problem. Anyway, i'm curious to know if other subs have had similar problems. Thanks for reading. pam the blue bit kinda caught my eye: i used to be a bit the same, i wasnt a bitch or mean, but niceness irritated me, if they were overly sweet id run a mile. i remember walking over richmond bridge and this guy ran up to me, gave me a bunch of flowers, told me i was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen and could he take me out - i just recoiled and said no - ive often regretted that [&o] - but - big but here - i was incredibly insecure about myself, incredibly insecure about men and any sort of genuine, sincere kindness or in his case 'in youre face romaticism', frightened me stupid - i just didnt know how to handle it, which is why, i think, i went out with callous bastards for a time. maybe, just possibly, there is this fear you have with intimacy generally and maybe, just possibly, you need to look at that, trace it back and work from there.

sirsholly -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 6:15:48 AM)
quote: To me, the term "vicious" implies that I was deliberately trying to hurt or humiliate someone Yanno...my buttons have been pushed a time or two to the point i fit your definition. It takes a lot of pushing to get me there and i am not proud of myself in the least at the end of the day.

DarkSteven -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 6:29:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly Yanno...my buttons have been pushed a time or two to the point i fit your definition. It takes a lot of pushing to get me there and i am not proud of myself in the least at the end of the day. holly, I have no clue what you're talking about. /Innocent whistle/

LillyoftheVally -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 6:32:56 AM)
Ten. Ok Seriously, a submissive can have any character trait, I am viscous at times. There seems to be a spate of threads like this so I am just going to get it all out in one. I am stubborn, bossy, cynical, argumentative, aggressive, sarcastic, bitchy, mean, cruel they may not be synonymous with the term submissive but then human beings are complex things

sirsholly -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (5/31/2010 7:27:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly Yanno...my buttons have been pushed a time or two to the point i fit your definition. It takes a lot of pushing to get me there and i am not proud of myself in the least at the end of the day. holly, I have no clue what you're talking about. /Innocent whistle/ chokes when reads "innocent" from Stevie

NymphetamineGirl -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (6/2/2010 11:10:09 PM)
It seems to me that any character trait is just part of you until you start tripping on it...which you say you are. I don't know that it's related to a D/s thing unless it's wrapped up in what you need in a relationship. You get something out of your meaner moments, if you can identify what that is, then you can work on meeting that need in healthier ways. Good luck in your journey of self-discovery...I think you are brave enough to face whatever you may find.

mistoferin -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (6/3/2010 4:32:40 AM)
I am whatever I need to be in the moment....but what has any of this got to do with being submissive?

lally2 -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (6/3/2010 5:11:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I am whatever I need to be in the moment....but what has any of this got to do with being submissive? actually nothing [:D] - but im getting the impression from her posts that she's trying to work out where she's at with it all, trying to identify all her quirks and personality traits and seeing if they 'fit' the submissive mould. the thing is there is no mould or is that mold - is mould the stuff you get on cheese - anyway) whichever [&o])))) - you are who you are and in an odd way realising this is quite powerful - in a way, opening up the whole submissive thing is opening up that whole other part of you that you knew was there but didnt know what do with or how to use it or relate it to relationships or you in the general sweep of life - where does it leave you, knowing this thing about you, how does it make you different now....., it doesnt make you different, you are the person you were all along - its just youve opened this up now and youre trying to identify with it. dont, its you and how you are, how you tick and all the rest of it. there is no 'how to be' or 'how you should be' or even 'does this make me...' you are who you are and part of that 'who' happens to be of a sub type mind frame. just run with it. IMHumbleO [:D]

thishereboi -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (6/3/2010 9:22:30 AM)
No, I can't say I have had that problem. But it sounds like you are aware of it and that is half the battle. Maybe going and talking to a therapist would help.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: How many subs have a vicious streak? (6/3/2010 11:49:28 AM)
I do, in fact, have a vicious streak, although you wouldn't believe it if you ever met me. I seem so sweet. My upbringing left me ill-prepared to treat others with respect. As I got a little older and maybe a little wiser, I realized that I was an ugly person, and it had nothing to do with how I looked on the outside. Since my divorce, I've been working on myself. My childhood can only be used as an excuse for so much. In the end, I have to take responsibility to break the cycle. You said you worked in the restaurant business. Back in the day, you wouldn't want to have caught me on a bad day if my order was wrong. I have thrown food across the counter at fast food establishments. My attitude towards waitresses was that they were essentially lower life forms, and I rarely tipped. I was the irate customer on the other end of phone at auto shops, etc., if things didn't go my way. I embarrassed my ex-husband with my antics and treated him like dirt. I once cussed my mother out in front of the family and drop kicked her birthday present across the room because I didn't like the tone of her voice. My mother jokingly refers to me as "Queen Jessie." Off with their head! Let them eat cake! I'm much better now. However, people tend to forget, because I'm so sweet, that they really shouldn't fuck with me, although admittedly it takes a lot more to set me off. My sister did something this year that almost brought old bitch out to play. Let's just say it was the most horrible thing she could've ever done, and I don't know that I'll ever forgive her. I wasn't satisfied with telling her off. I wanted to completely destroy her. I was prepared to, if she had the guts to say one more word to me. She didn't. I think she got the hint when I threatened to "out" her to the entire family on both sides as well as her job. Threatened isn't quite the right word. It was a promise. When the Man found out, he said that if I ever did something like that to someone he wouldn't want to be with me because of what I might do to him should he piss me off. I smart-assedly told him that she'd been warned. He gave me "the look" and said I'd been warned, too. It took a couple of minutes, but I broke down. After that, he explained that I don't think rationally when I'm angry, and hurting others is only going to hurt myself in the long run. When you plot revenge, the first step is to dig 2 graves. In the end, even if she'd lost her job or whatever, I still wouldn't have been happy, so what's the point? It sounds like you've recognized that you have issues. That's the first step. Counseling is a good idea. I've done it twice. Once you discover the source, you can begin to resolve your issues and live a happier, healthier life.

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