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RedMagic1 -> RE: Being Newbs At a Munch (6/1/2010 10:19:47 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
geez, why does everybody have a problem with hon, dear, or love? i never mean it in a bad way lol
I believe your confusion about this is also the source of your drama-magnetism. Like Rochsub, I will speak directly, but I don't intend this as an attack, but as something that is hopefully helpful.
People don't like it when you call them "love" because it is excessively familiar. It sounds either saccharine or condescending. Why? Because you don't know them from Adam, and yet you are referring to them with "pet" names. A "pet" is something that is lesser than its owner -- or, at the very least, is wuv wuv wuvved by its owner. So your use of the word "love" or "hun" with people whom you don't know is guaranteed to make them bristle, or wonder what your problem is.
MsAlise and I have emailed a bit, and have enjoyed it. So, in a private email, I could probably call her "hun" -- and she would probably threaten to beat me for it -- and we would both smile. But even though I know her a bit, if I called her "hun" or "love" on a public message board, I doubt she'd appreciate it, because I'd be laying claim to a piece of her, somehow. Pissing on her leg to mark my territory. And that would be excessively familiar, because we are just email buddies.
I think a big part of what is happening is that you are thinking "person X is at friend level" -- or not even that far along -- but what you project, and what other people hear, is that you are superduper into them. Breeding ground for misunderstandings and drama.
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