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Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch)


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Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 5:48:44 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Hello folks,
I'm rarely over here on the switch forum, so I do hope you won't be offended by an interloper. (Why some of my best friends are switches!)

I recently unhid my profile, and I'm now getting a number of emails from people (men) who are "switches". When I think about it, though, if it were a woman domme, I don't think I would have a problem with meeting, becoming friendly, what have you.

However, what I've noticed in my emails is that these "switches" have their profiles completed as subs. I mean they say things like "I'm looking for a Domme to teach me." And as a seeming after thought at the very end "Oh and a sub would be ok. I could get what I need there. Making her happy would make me happy."

Now I will admit, that I've only had 3 people send me some kind of variation of the above. It's not exactly a fair representation or a good sample size, but it is more than I had anticipated. One guy wrote me 8 (yes eight) times. I didn't even read his emails - I didn't like his nick. (you know the kind - let me worship you Ma'am - that kind of nick).

Is this common? Is this something that y'all deal with on a regular basis? If it is, my hat's off to you!

I am tempted to hide my profile again - all the people over here know how to reach me! I'm just a bit flabbergasted.

Any thoughts?

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14
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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 7:31:50 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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I don't get that sort of mail but then thats probably something to do with my profile! When I was single, I got a lot of propositions from guys with dominant profiles that wanted to tell me they switched. The moment you say, 'oh thats interesting' they normally replied 'yes Mistress, anything you say Mistress, what will you do to me Mistress?' and it would leave me thinking, why advertise yourself as a dominant when your so clearly and very desperately are needing to submit. It happened time and time again and eventually I realized that upfront switch men are the hermaphrodites of the BDSM world. They are unlikely to find a submissive partner because many female submissives see a switch guy as weak. A dominant man that has the desire to switch, is unlikely to ever reveal himself to his submissive partner. They are less likely to find a dominant woman because dominant women often feel that switches don't take it seriously enough and the chances of finding a like minded switch is unlikely because 'switches' are a very small minority in an already small pond. Its kind of not surprising that they resort to being dishonest.


In my opinion, a man that clearly advertises himself as a submissive but chases after a submissive female, declaring himself as a switch, cries of desperation. A switch should be proud and stand up and be seen for what he/she is into. This whole lifestyle is a celebration of our kinky minds. If we start off by not being truthful, we may as well of remained in the closet.

As far as I am concerned, a switch man is a cool man indeed. He is someone who has adventure in him. Experience has taught me that switchy men tend to be very open minded when it comes to sex. They are often laid back kind of guys who don't take all of this too seriously.




< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 6/2/2010 7:33:29 AM >


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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 10:52:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Males have it hard. 

It's just emails- if you like it, respond.  If you don't, delete and forget.  No big deal.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 1:40:45 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Yeah I get them and my profile says nothing other than I'm not looking in several ways. I just don't answer them now, there's no point to it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 4:24:15 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

In my opinion, a man that clearly advertises himself as a submissive but chases after a submissive female, declaring himself as a switch, cries of desperation.


Hi Marie -
This sums up my thoughts and what popped with the latest email. It was this overwhelming feeling of desperation. I don't know, maybe it's where I'm living, but I've never gotten this before. It's sad.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 7:55:01 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Males have it hard. 



And that's the way you wimmins like it.

/Thumps chest/


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/2/2010 8:30:57 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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About a year ago I had a man contact me who had a submissive profile.  We exchanged a couple of emails and then I asked him to share a photo since at the time I had one on my profile which he had seen.  I was surprised to see that the photo he sent me was the same one I had seen on a local dom's profile. 
When I questioned him about it, he said he was tired of being "expected to play the dominant role" and wanted to "experience submission".
I asked him if there was a reason for not calling himself a switch and he said it was because no one would take him serious.
I could never get past his fear of not being taken serious by his lifestyle friends.
Neither could he.  Both of his profiles are still active.

Yes, I get emails from men who identify one way and act another.  I get them from men who think they can call themselves a dominant with the purpose of "training" a woman to top him.  Generally I say "thank you but no thanks" and move on.
This isn't just a switch thing.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/3/2010 9:45:33 PM   
Steelslilbit


Posts: 130
Joined: 8/10/2009
Status: offline
Amen to that Laurell3.  There's a lot of a whole lot of things that goes on in this site.  Both guys and girls proclaiming themselves to be one thing, and turning out to be something else (and not just with the "labels" of our subculture, but up to and including details of their life they shouldn't be falsely advertising).

I think the biggest draw for some people on sites like this is the ability to fantasize about something and not really have any expectations of following through.  Face it, when you are online there aren't many things you have to tell the truth about if you don't ever plan on meeting anyone face to face.  It makes life all that much more difficult for those of us who are actually looking for something serious here, be it friendship or something more.

On another thread in this forum someone was asking about what to do about the relationship when it was discovered that the other person had more than one profile, and the profiles were very, very differently set up (some very D type, some very s type, none switch as apparently this person dislikes that term).  Perhaps there are others out there like that and they just  forget which role they are supposed to be playing on that name.  ^.^

Lil Bit


_____________________________

i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

Offical Language: Caryn-ese
(Translator available upon request)

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/4/2010 8:38:48 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
Last year when I was looking, I saw Dominant and submissive profiles with the same photo, but haven't had any of them actually contact me. A few people who list as Dominant have told me they've bottomed on occasion, and some submissives have mentioned they've topped on occasion, when they didn't mention it in their profile. They didn't come across as deceitful, or switch D/s orientations, just that it wasn't important enough to mention initially. Since I'm a switch, I figured they were letting me know they were open to exploring the other side with me, if we got involved.

CarrieO, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with that. I'd think of him as a masochistic Dominant, and that he specifically would want to be topped to orders at least some of the time. My first experience with submission was with a switch who identified as Dominant, primarily sadistic but somewhat masochistic as well. We'd sometimes switch within the scene, either with me topping to his specifications, or he'd give me free rein to use my imagination, but I always responded submissively toward him either way. Some people are dishonest, others just lack the vocabulary to accurately describe what they want.

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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/4/2010 10:33:56 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

CarrieO, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with that. I'd think of him as a masochistic Dominant, and that he specifically would want to be topped to orders at least some of the time.


Andalusite,
Thanks for the different perspective.  The situation I described could have been taken that way if it wasn't for him saying he was tired of taking the dominant role and want to experience submission.  No talk of top/bottom and making it clear he wasn't interested in pursuing a dominant role within a relationship.
Which, I guess, leads to your final sentence...

quote:


Some people are dishonest, others just lack the vocabulary to accurately describe what they want.


I think it's easy to get bogged down with words and qualifiers.  I do agree with what allthatjaz said...

quote:


If we start off by not being truthful, we may as well of remained in the closet.


Sometimes the most difficult person to be honest with is ourselves.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Ye olde switchy switcheroo (bait and switch) - 6/9/2010 6:13:22 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
Sorry, I guess I haven't been visiting the switch forum often enough! I wasn't referring to that particular guy, who I agree sounds rather off. I was specifically referring to this part:
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
I get them from men who think they can call themselves a dominant with the purpose of "training" a woman to top him.

In general, if someone were honest about wanting that from the start, I wouldn't necessarily have an objection. Of course, I already know how to top, but if he had a couple of specific kinks that I wasn't familiar with but sounded fun, then sure, why not? My femsub playpartner adores needles, since they make her fly better than anything else. I'd avoided them for 6 years or so, since my only previous class on them made me nearly faint, and most people who teach them insist that the person topping with them also experience them (self-inflicted or from the teacher or a classmate). I'd never had trouble with giving blood or getting shots, so I think it was a circulation issue more than anything else. She's also interested in cell popping, and we have some other things planned to try. Some were my idea, some hers, some rather synergistic. The two of us and my former Master (while we were still together) took a fireplay class, and I'm planning to do an ageplay/verbal humiliation scene with her this weekend. I hadn't really been much into either, but I got some cool ideas from reading the boards. Not so much something another person posted that I wanted to try, more, "That won't work for me, but this other approach sounds fun!"

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/9/2010 6:17:12 PM >

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