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A matter of the heart - 4/10/2006 8:15:10 PM

lesliee

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Joined: 4/5/2005
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A relationship that is based on Master/slave has become a bedroom relationship. There is love and unmentionables involved. The Master feels there is nothing wrong but the slave is feeling mentally deprived and has tried numerous times to recitfy the situation. She loves Him deeply and does not want to end the relationship but needs/desires the mental control to be there. What does she do?

Thanks,
leslie

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/10/2006 9:11:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Go to counseling together.

Try new methods of communication.

Decide whether she will accept the situation as it is and be fulfilled in it OR whether the situation needs to end.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/10/2006 9:16:06 PM

cillydom

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From what you say, about him I’m afraid there is little you can do.

If he’s lost interest in the control aspect or in you or both any remedy would probably only be temporary at best.

The rest is up to you.

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/10/2006 11:36:14 PM

Arpig

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I am afraid you can lead a man to a slave, but you cannot make him master her unless he wants to.
So sorry.

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 1:18:35 AM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
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Craving control is a horrible way to live, for a submissive. I understand that you really need what you're no longer getting. If you can't talk to him about it and get some changes made, I don't know what to suggest. That's very unfortunate :(

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 4:26:36 AM

lesliee

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Thank you all. It's a very frustrating situation to be in. Communication has always been there and He knows her feelings. This has happened before but not nearly as bad perhaps you are right about the "fix" only being temporary. Counselling is a good suggestion thanks maybe that will help. Have a great day!

Always,
leslie

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 5:28:49 AM

Elegant

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lesliee,

It happens. We've been there and have the t-shirts.

One thing that might work if you both agree to it is to go back to basics as if it were the beginning of your M/s relationship.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 8:29:07 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lesliee

A relationship that is based on Master/slave has become a bedroom relationship. There is love and unmentionables involved. The Master feels there is nothing wrong but the slave is feeling mentally deprived and has tried numerous times to recitfy the situation. She loves Him deeply and does not want to end the relationship but needs/desires the mental control to be there. What does she do?

Thanks,
leslie

Unless a Master and his slave are willing to be open about their power structure in plain view of their offspring, it often seems that such relations are forced into becoming bedroom-oriented, physically. Physical acts and routine can change our behavior over time, and make everything seem somewhat rote. This is often an unfortunate reality of many relationships in popular family and marriage structure. While some M/s couples have found work-arounds to this situation in varying degrees, I feel the societal decrees of "normal" and "moral" child rearing and BDSM in the household can never be made completely harmonious. If you are willing to step away from popular folkways and make BDSM part of your family culture, you of course run the risk of getting into trouble, or in the very least being accused of "damaging" your children.

You seem to be a woman who desires to be fully controlled in your life, but there are familial obstructions which prevent this. Perhaps a new method of communication is in order to override these obstructions? Perhaps your servitude can be brought out more within the household, while at the same time benefiting your entire family structure without making it invasive to the development of your young ones? Getting alone and communicating with your Master about this is crucial. Surely something can be arranged to better compliment your very real need to be in your proper place and serve.

There is nothing more frustrating for a girl who craves to serve than to experience too gentle a hand. I wish you well.

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 9:07:34 AM

lesliee

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~thinks i should explain a lil further~ while this girl does desire to be controlled fully, she does not live with her Master. The unmentionables are hers and since he has been around awhile they have become attached. The bedroom part she enjoys and needs. But it is the mental control that is lacking. We tried going back to the beginning which worked for a lil while but then fell off again. It's a hard one to explain totally, but basically he does not have her mind, he has her body but doesn't seem to have the desire to have her mind.

Thanks again

lesliee

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 9:31:06 AM

acctonthelook

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lesliee
It's a hard one to explain totally, but basically he does not have her mind, he has her body but doesn't seem to have the desire to have her mind.

Have you asked him where his desire went to control your mind?

Have you asked him if he ever 'had' the desire to 'want' to control your mind?

Have you asked him if he wants to control your's or anyone's mind?

Have you asked him if he is feeling the need to try being a switch for a bit of time, one night, or totally become submissive?

Maybe there are underlying issues going on within him that he's not seeing, grasping or handling well. If someone is not 'there', 'burnt', or 'becoming disinterested' or no longer comfortable in the mind control/ power exchg then there's got to be something going on in him, NOT YOU.

Sometimes we have to just admit to a person if we are going through something or the flame of desire has died or is lost for them. That is hard for someone because you don't want to hurt them. Encourage his honesty in your concern and desire to know what's going on for him. Let him know u can except whatever he is feeling. If u can.

His issues do not mean it's caused by anything about you. You're not the one having the 'issue'.

Talk with him, ask him very direct and hard questions and go from there. You will either find the route cause or realize that it's just not there anymore between you two. Wouldn't you want to know if something is missing now, before more time goes by? I would.

Good Luck with this.

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 10:16:00 AM

amayos

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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lesliee

~thinks i should explain a lil further~ while this girl does desire to be controlled fully, she does not live with her Master. The unmentionables are hers and since he has been around awhile they have become attached. The bedroom part she enjoys and needs. But it is the mental control that is lacking. We tried going back to the beginning which worked for a lil while but then fell off again. It's a hard one to explain totally, but basically he does not have her mind, he has her body but doesn't seem to have the desire to have her mind.

Thanks again

lesliee

Ah, now the picture comes into clearer focus. I feel my previous advice is still applicable, however—with one amendment: It is quite possible the male you serve will never fit your complete ideal of Master. Changing routines and basic behaviors to accommodate growth is one thing, but it is impossible to change one's base nature with any degree of speed—that is if they have any plasticity in this at all. Your road I fear will be long and hard, and in the end any image of deeper control earned will be merely transient.

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 10:41:04 AM

lesliee

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Joined: 4/5/2005
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Thank you again~ss~

i am taking your advice(s) to heart and plan on speaking with him again about all of this. At times, i feel so alone and lost. i have such a deep need and desire to submit completely that this is something i have no idea of how to handle. in the road of life one faces many hurdles sometimes you just have to fall down to be able to get back up again. ~smiles softly~
Doing this, asking for help is a very hard thing for me to do and i appreciate all your responses.

Always.
lesliee

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/11/2006 5:14:50 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lesliee

A relationship that is based on Master/slave has become a bedroom relationship. There is love and unmentionables involved. The Master feels there is nothing wrong but the slave is feeling mentally deprived and has tried numerous times to recitfy the situation. She loves Him deeply and does not want to end the relationship but needs/desires the mental control to be there. What does she do?

Thanks,
leslie

leslie,

It is my opinion that if the mind control isn't there it wont be.

After being direct and communicating your feelings with him you may find that it is not good enough for you.

Consider the fact that he may not be the Master for you.

My advice is to not "settle" and to find what you seek in another.

When it's your true Master the mind control is automatic in my opinion.

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RE: A matter of the heart - 4/13/2006 5:35:15 PM

mathiasdomm

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Joined: 1/29/2006
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This situation is obviously complicated and I feel like anything I say will be insufficient, but here's my two cents- If he says he's not interested in control anymore, take an analytical look at his life. If he's lost interest in other things, is having big routine changes, sleeping more, eating less, or a whole host of other things, he might be slipping into depression. I've been that route and one of the first things that slipped was my interest in the intellectual and emotional parts of my relationship. Being everything that a dom needed to be just seemed like too much trouble at the time. I don't want to sound like a TV shrink with a quick pill based fix, but it might be happening. Like I said, I did it and it took a long time to figure out what it was. But my sub needed me and she pushed me toward help. It's two cents.

-m

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