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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 4:18:12 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

whoops wrong button


My apologies if my words were offensive. That wasn't the point. I'm under the weather and not my usual self. Sorry sweets. *hugs*

~porcelaine



Thank you, i understand. i hope you get to feeling better.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 4:51:45 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In reply to the follow up from the OP:

You are quite welcome for the serious answer.  While I'm not especially going to apologize for some of the more flippant answers that you got, I'll readily admit that some folks have used the same term as something of a hoodwink.  Which, when you think of it, isn't any different from any other term out there.

To LadyC:

You did bring up an interesting point.  Why not just call it dating?  The answer to that, in My case, is relatively simple.  Dating is a term used by those primarily who have a romantic interest in one another.  That makes it an inappropriate term for Me to use when choosing terminology to describe the time I spend with those with whom I participate in BDSM or D/s dynamics.  If I'm considering adding someone to the household, it's not based on romantic feelings, and I don't want there to be any confusion about that.  "Dating" implies a type of relationship that does not exist, which I would find just as, if not more deceptive, than those using 'under consideration' in a less than scrupulous manner.


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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 6:31:28 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

To LadyC:

You did bring up an interesting point.  Why not just call it dating?  The answer to that, in My case, is relatively simple.  Dating is a term used by those primarily who have a romantic interest in one another.  That makes it an inappropriate term for Me to use when choosing terminology to describe the time I spend with those with whom I participate in BDSM or D/s dynamics.  If I'm considering adding someone to the household, it's not based on romantic feelings, and I don't want there to be any confusion about that.  "Dating" implies a type of relationship that does not exist, which I would find just as, if not more deceptive, than those using 'under consideration' in a less than scrupulous manner.


This also applies in our situation. "Dating" is reserved for romantic relationships. "Under consideration" is strictly for authority-based relationships without a romantic aspect. That doesn't mean that some of our authority-based relationships don't develop a romantic component over time, but for the ones that don't start out with that option on the table, we use "under consideration" for the investigational period of our relationship, while we're sussing out whether it will be functional for everyone involved. (And yes, members of our household may simultaneously be 'dating' and 'considering').

It is also important to note that our household is a group of people, not a pairing. I think that this, also, plays a part in the use of the term "under consideration", because we have to consider a larger pool of individuals in the decision process, so it is less like "dating" and more of an "evaluation under terms" for both parties (especially when dealing with those who have never been in a group situation before, or who have never been in a high-protocol or structured service relationship).

Some of the individuals replying may have seemed particularly judgmental or misinformed about how "under consideration" may function, and for these folks, it may simply be a matter of not having been in a type of relationship where such measures are necessary to assure the well being of all of the parties involved. It is always possible for people to have bad experiences with something, and then diss it just because of that bad experience as well... but under the right circumstances, "under consideration" can be a safety valve for everyone involved, and be a healthy and beneficial part of developing a new relationship.

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/8/2010 6:32:53 PM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 8:43:54 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Sorry sweets.

Wow.  This is the most condescending apology I've read on these boards in weeks.  Damn.  There was a girlfight, and I missed it.  No collar of consideration for you!


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 8:49:12 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

It is always possible for people to have bad experiences with something, and then diss it just because of that bad experience as well... but under the right circumstances, "under consideration" can be a safety valve for everyone involved, and be a healthy and beneficial part of developing a new relationship.


One of the reasons I elected to pose this question elsewhere was due to the negative stereotype. It was my belief that there must be a few good apples amongst the bunch and I hoped to find them. Reading accounts like yours and LadyPact is very refreshing. But sadly you're the exceptions, not the rule. The ethical fiber on this subject is pitifully abysmal. You've provided a sliver of hope and for that I'm thankful.

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/9/2010 4:33:05 AM   
togaininsight


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Joined: 6/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:



It is also important to note that our household is a group of people, not a pairing. I think that this, also, plays a part in the use of the term "under consideration", because we have to consider a larger pool of individuals in the decision process, so it is less like "dating" and more of an "evaluation under terms" for both parties (especially when dealing with those who have never been in a group situation before, or who have never been in a high-protocol or structured service relationship).




This also describes the Dom/house that I am refering to. You said it so well, thank you!

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/9/2010 4:52:11 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		I dont think there is a "norm" or "universal" definition for what being under consideration means. I am currently involved with a play partner. I am under his consideration and he is under mine. We are aren't dating because its not a purely romantic relationship. We are seeing if we are a right fit. We both admit I have alot to proof as does he. While neither of us is monogomous at this point, we do have a full disclosure agreement. There are also certain things we have agreed that are reserved for one another. He may give me simple tasks to complete just as he would if I was in collar but he will also make sure he meeting my needs.

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/9/2010 5:10:07 AM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

One of the reasons I elected to pose this question elsewhere was due to the negative stereotype. It was my belief that there must be a few good apples amongst the bunch and I hoped to find them. Reading accounts like yours and LadyPact is very refreshing. But sadly you're the exceptions, not the rule. The ethical fiber on this subject is pitifully abysmal. You've provided a sliver of hope and for that I'm thankful.

~porcelaine



Porcelaine; I am inclined to agree with you. I noticed that the OP for this thread did post it in the "Ask a Master" message board. If you go back and check, not one single male dominant had anything positive to say about being under consideration. In fact based on their responses they pretty much think its B.S. That should say alot to a femsub who is looking for a maledom.

Ladypact, Calla, and LNT: the way you guys use the term is is a good and ethical way. Its seems fair to all involved and it probably helps avoid a lot of un-necessary confusion. I wish more people would take your lead. kudos to you all.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/9/2010 5:37:11 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

Porcelaine; I am inclined to agree with you. I noticed that the OP for this thread did post it in the "Ask a Master" message board. If you go back and check, not one single male dominant had anything positive to say about being under consideration. In fact based on their responses they pretty much think its B.S. That should say alot to a femsub who is looking for a maledom.

Ladypact, Calla, and LNT: the way you guys use the term is is a good and ethical way. Its seems fair to all involved and it probably helps avoid a lot of un-necessary confusion. I wish more people would take your lead. kudos to you all.


Truthfully speaking I never saw the necessity of engaging in that manner. But then again my liaisons are not purely service related and there are romantic undercurrents as well. We interact much like those outside of kink and simply get to know one another and go from there. I guess you could call it dating. I don't mind. It doesn't change our desire to have a power exchange and we're not interacting in that manner in the beginning so it's apropos.

I wanted to compose a piece that painted a picture of how this thing should look. I've heard the gamut between the ridiculous and mind boggling strange on the subject. I don't believe the stories are fabrications because there's just too many of them. I've come to view those that use the term with new eyes and look at their motives differently. When I find situations that deviate from the premise that others have implied in this thread - those that are wholesome and created with good intentions - I'm disheartened and slightly sickened. Naivete aside, I don't believe most are signing up for the mind fuck.

Thank you to those that have shared their experiences, both good and bad. Hopefully my words of advice for those currently seeking and unowned will prove helpful in the long run. At the very least they'll have a snapshot of what a sincere proposal entails.

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/10/2010 1:43:56 AM   
DanMiller


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		It would probably be best to get the exact definition from the Dom your dealing with. Personally , I find it kinda of un-required
and in some respects bogus mode of operations.  If things are working with Dom you are seeing or talking or whatever, then
why deal with the under consideration concept at all. Its either going to be the real thing or not. imho

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/15/2010 5:30:49 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		what is so hard to understand about 'under consideration'? its only two words! not many lines to read in between is there?


to me during interview, or "under consideration", would  mean quality time is being spent pursuing this, on both sides. this time (to me ) would mean that, i would be focusing on family issues, compatibility, etc, as well as learning what is going to be expected of me, the party under consideration.

unless you are prone to cockblocking, if someone says they are underconsideration, or any of the like. i will gladly say, good luck to you, and then i would move on.

(in reply to togaininsight)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/19/2010 3:39:42 AM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		well for nilla state of mind it would be like saying u going steady with someone without the full commintment, but for Me I u use that term "Under Consideration", more of like a probation period, after 90 days of just talking getting to know each as friends, then once I allow the step forward into service of this Master in the lifestyle then that slave has 90 more days learning the rules of this Master that I have for slaves, understanding things that is allowed and not allowed this period of time is under consideration where I protect this slave as she learns if she has what it take to serve this Master on a more permenant basics, that period could last from 90 days to 180days before contract is signed to serve on a full time basics.

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PA Dominant King
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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/19/2010 7:01:26 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
If you go back and check, not one single male dominant had anything positive to say about being under consideration. In fact based on their responses they pretty much think its B.S. That should say alot to a femsub who is looking for a maledom.
Well fine then... make me respond *sighs*

I don't think the concept is BS. In fact, I see nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't use the term myself, but then again, I generally don't find the need to use BDSM jargon where perfectly good normal English works. However, if I was talking with interest to some sub and she asked me, "So am I under consideration", I'd be very likely to respond, "Well yes, I suppose you are. I hope I am also."

Honestly, the fact that some people abuse the phrase means nothing to me. An awful lot of people abuse the words "dating" and "marriage" and other related words but I still use them.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyCimarron)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/19/2010 8:09:35 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I don't know, I don't use the term, but I guess it means just what it says...they are considering eachother.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/19/2010 9:05:43 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		Want another perspective??

in a lower position or place than = under

a person who argues or votes against a proposal, motion = con

blasted = siderated/sideration

the man is placing you in a lower positon than himself, so that you can argue against him all for the purposes of being blasted and find yourself his woman to be cheated on.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 75
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