Whiplashed

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paddington90872 -> Whiplashed (6/8/2010 9:15:03 AM)
I think my aggressive switch partner may have no interest in bdsm scenes except with me. Our vanilla sex is great. When I described a scene with a female subject being bound & tickled she responded she didn't like women to be violated. But she's said many times she loves sexual role reversal such as male submission. She's clearly not bi, and I certainly wouldn't expect her to do anything she wouldn't want to in a scene. But I have always maintained that sex & play are not the same. She says they are. That limits things. I don't know what to do with a partner that sees sex and bdsm playtime as the same.

LadyCimarron -> RE: Whiplashed (6/8/2010 12:17:37 PM)
[;)]Come now....you have a beautiful willing woman who wants to do bdsm scenes with you......you KNOW what to do............. Let the lady call it what she wants and get to the spanking already.

paddington90872 -> RE: Whiplashed (6/8/2010 12:47:34 PM)
Problem is Im not poly, she has been before. Her equating casual sex and bdsm as "the same thing" raises issues. I don't want her to catch/spread something to me. Bdsm is an "intimate" sexual act to her ("just a sex game"), and she thinks it would only be "fair" if she was open to casual vanilla sex invitations if I have casual S&M playtime (not sex). Depending on someones idea of fidelity, it raises issues. Gotta ask myself now, cut her loose and tell myself we hooked up with mismatched lifestyles, or look the other way when she roams...

LadyCimarron -> RE: Whiplashed (6/8/2010 1:21:49 PM)
OK. Now that sheds more light on it. What I get from this is because you want outside Ds parnters and in return she wants outside sex partners. If that's the case and she is accustomed to poly you are not going to change her mind and she most likely is not going to change yours. You guys are going to have to make some hard decisions about what you want. If you can do without the outside partners and keep it monogamous, that will solve the problem. If not and the oustide partners are that important to you, you know what you guys need to do. For the record neither of you are wrong. You just have different points of view. I wish you both luck.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Whiplashed (6/8/2010 2:22:19 PM)
This is a multiple partner vs monogamy issue, nothing more or less.

Andalusite -> RE: Whiplashed (6/9/2010 6:20:31 PM)
For some people, BDSM play is very directly sexual, or they aren't happy with doing S/M or bondage without sex. For me, it's like dancing - it can be incredibly erotic with the right person, but not at all with someone I'm not attracted to. It really sounds like the two of you may have incompatible boundaries about involving other people. It's worth discussing with her to see if you can find common ground, but I agree that it doesn't really sound like a switching issue, unless you're only interested in playing with other people because you need to switch.

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