britcrucio
Posts: 17
Joined: 11/27/2008
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The beginners guide to how to get into the stuff that strange folk and Mrs Dawson does. I've been on Collarme for about 3 months and as a single fella tha thought it might be a bit of a struggle to get into it all. Well that's nowt but a load of pig swill. Thas been to a club done some right tuppin' with some right bonny lasses and I'm off to another club to do some more. So for those folk who sit behind there computers playing with tha little tails, this is how tha needs to get tha sens out and about in what I've come to know as the scene……..and tha thought it about time that thee spent a little bit o time telling thee all aboot 'tit.
The world o tha funny folk in funny clothing seemed to be nowt but summat that Southerners and gay folk from Manchester do. And Mrs Dawson from the Village, I always had me doubts on her. Turned out that she were a swinger. No idea how, she has a face like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle. ;(
So when I got owa me nilla relationship, tha thought it about time that thee got to know what it were all about. This funny world that makes me bits go funny.
I stumbled across this web site, when I say stumbled, tha used a champion little thing called a search engine. Before you all go getting the sens all confused; it's not a real engine. Oh how I laughed at simple Dave from 't local garage. No, it's a computer thing that helps thee look all ower the tinternet. It can be as far owa' yonder as you like but google still finds it. A cracking bit o kit. If tha learn nowt from reading this, thee should take my advice and use google.
Any road, that's tha IT lesson owa for today. Perhaps if folk were to request more, then tha knows tha would be more than happy to spend a few moments of me time every week telling you cyber-web people about stuff I've learned owa the years.
Anyroad, tha doesn't half digress tha knows, me. So I found this site and thought I'd just look for a while and pick up on tha lingo, cos to be fair, thou lot don't speak right. After a while of just reading and the like, when I say the like; I masturbated 3 times in the first week. It's a bit funny to masturbate to words. I thought I were going a bit mad. I used to spend ruddy hours looking at porn trying to find the right picture. Tha never could find it though. Now then, were was I, so I E-memo'd this lass telling her that she seemed alright and that she didn't seem like a nutter. Well she were chuffed ta bits and got in touch with me as quick as a flash. Like a Ferret up a drain pipe she were that quick. She were from London, which is down south, but I didn't let that put me off her. I think you should always give folk the benefit of the doubt before judging them. Thas on open minded lad tha knows, I like all folk, no matter where they come from int' world. Some foreigners are right nice.
She asked what I were like, which is only fair int'it, so I were truthfull and teld her I were right tall and handsome. Don't get me wrong I want beaten with an ugly stick, but I'm not ower 6 foot. So I'm not that tall.
So I sent the lass a picture of me, she seemed to like it. I'd seen a picture of this lass and she seemed a right bonny filly. So we E-memo'd for a while, by eck, tha doesn't get lasses like that round these parts. She were as filthy as me prize Boar. Now don't get us wrong, thas as open minded as the next, but by fuck she new some stuff.
So we got chatting on a mobile telephone, I had 3 bars so the sound quality was good and she seemed like a right nice lass. Mucky, but nice.
After a couple of weeks of first getting in touch with the lass, I think so that she dun't feel daft, I'm gonna call her Lassy, we thought we should meet up and get to know one another.
She were coming up North to see her folks and I were like a Tupp with massive balls and would of driven to Outer Mongolia for a shag, but told her I were happy to meet her half way. So we had Pizza Express and it were grand, bit posh for me, but you know, it's only right that the wine and dine a lass before tha gives em right good going over. So there we were chatting over Pizza, next thing me ruddy tail were throbbin. Eeeey I were as horny as a Goat. So I suggested we get a hotel and get at it like a pair of Squirrels. She seemed like she approved, so she pulled out a Telephone and looked on the web.
Just take 2 minutes to take that in. Then I'll repeat so tha doesn't think tha's off daft.
So she pulled out a Telephone and looked on the web…….. Couldn't bloody get ower it. But it worked…Technotronics are unbelievable nowadays.
Next thing tha new she were in her little car and I were in me Landrover and we were off up the A1 like a couple of Grey hounds after a Hare. Flat out we were, well I were off nearly 65mph. I had a bit of a tail wind.
So we got to hotel room and tha knows it was a rare treat. The give her a right good seeing to. I don't like to blow me own trumpet but I were ruddy good. Lass wasn't bad either she was not only enthusiastic but energetic too.
So that's how to get to know lasses on the tinterwebnet.
Not only has it opened me eyes like a startled Hedgehog, but I've met some right nice friends. If folk read this I'll tell thee about me first proper trip to London…and me first trip to a club all in one day, by eck there were some sights there. One lass were wearing nowt but a thong and a smile. If nobody reads it, it's a waste of time and I may as well get on with some ironing.
Thanks for reading if thas got this far.
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