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kuppykake -> Alexithymia? (6/11/2010 1:39:35 AM)
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I haven't posted much, but here goes! I am a girl who is in constant need of change. When I begin to feel like I am doing the same things over and over for a period of time, I get anxious, stressed, and depressed. There always has to be something spontaneous that comes in and breaks up the sameness. Even though my Master and I live together, we are both often individually busy with vanilla obligations, and sometimes the busy will take over for days to a week at a time. Many of these times, we barely even speak to one another. Not because we don't want to, but because we're both so involved with our other obligations. It's like we're on auto pilot. I am sometimes up for days at a time. When one of us gets a break, the other can't afford one.
I know these are things most couples are going to run across from time to time, and it isn't all bad...it's life, I know. It's not hectic all the time, but when it gets hectic, it's usually that way for a long period of time, and it sucks. What concerns me is that when I am on "auto pilot" and not around my Master, the M/s channel in my mind is completely turned off. I know that might sound bad, but it is very difficult for me to focus on a lot of things at once. I give 100% towards everything I do. It drives me crazy...it's difficult to manage my time when my schedule is always changing because I can't stand for it to be the same all the time. The one thing I do want to be the same all the time sometimes seems like an impossibility. It just really gets me down and frustrated with myself. I am to the point to where I am considering putting my business on hold after this summer, even though I really enjoy what I do. Master proposed to me this past December...we're getting married in October, and I still haven't been able to start planning the thing. I really want him to be proud to have me as his wife, so I want to try to jump over this hurdle before then.
Anyways, sorry for ranting but it did help. What I want to know is if there is anybody else out there who can relate, and how do you stay focused on your submission even when things are crazy hectic? How do you keep the desire to submit alive at times like that? Is it bad if that desire somewhat fades temporarily? Is there anything I could do that would help me stay consistent when it comes to M/s lifestyle? If there's a "break" in your lifestyle, how do you get back to it? Thanks for reading my post. I would appreciate sincere responses.
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