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why differentiate being saying I have hard limits and there's things I won't do.


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why differentiate being saying I have hard limits and t... - 6/11/2010 7:11:53 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


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Status: offline 		Really refusing to say you have hard limits, preferring instead there's things you will not simply do, just seems like semantics.

In either situation it's not happening, so why the aversion to the term hard limits?

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/11/2010 11:14:10 PM   
FelineFae


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Status: offline 		English is a funny language. " Can not ", " will not ", " shall not ", and " may not " all mean different things.

In such matters where communication is so very important, it would seem wise to express exactly what is needed for each concern, imho.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 12:52:38 AM   
subwaythru


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Status: offline 		"Hard Limit" is an extremely limiting term. There is no specificity or explanation, so it merely sounds obstinate. I agree with Fae that verbiage needs to be precise in communication of any sort, but most especially in the case of what one can and cannot do, what one should and should not do, what one prefers to do and prefers not to do, what is possible and is not possible. There are many factors to consider and reflect upon, and there is always way more to "No" than just the word "No". "Hard Limit" is just "No". It would behoove anyone involved in any situation to look into any answer like that, if they care to understand the person saying it.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 10:21:51 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


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Status: offline 		But isn't I will not do....  an extremely limiting term too?  If any one wanted to know why something was a hard limit, I'd explain it ,  so to me " hard limit" or No I will not do..." it's all means  the same to me. Either way it's not happening.


quote:

ORIGINAL: subwaythru

"Hard Limit" is an extremely limiting term. There is no specificity or explanation, so it merely sounds obstinate. I agree with Fae that verbiage needs to be precise in communication of any sort, but most especially in the case of what one can and cannot do, what one should and should not do, what one prefers to do and prefers not to do, what is possible and is not possible. There are many factors to consider and reflect upon, and there is always way more to "No" than just the word "No". "Hard Limit" is just "No". It would behoove anyone involved in any situation to look into any answer like that, if they care to understand the person saying it.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 11:08:47 AM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		Because there are things I will never do and things I would do when I felt okay doing it. And some of the second variety are things you might do only in a committed relationship after you've been together several years as opposed to doing right away or never.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 11:13:48 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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Status: offline 		Saying something is a hard limit is like me saying , "I would NEVER do..." However, saying there are things I will not do still seems vague to me because in the right situation, with the right person I might do it.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 2:06:14 PM   
MC4Misfit


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Status: offline 		I think "hard limit" means "I will not" and "you are not allowed to with me".  There is a difference between (for example) "I will not use a dildo on myself" and "you may not use a dildo on me".  ...or that's my take on it anyway.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 2:39:52 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
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Status: offline 		For me, things I may do eventually but not now, I call soft limits. I still think that hard limit, and soft limit work very well for expressing things, but a lot of people hate those terms and eshew them for saying instead I don't, I won't I may. Which is ok for them, I just wonder about things sometimes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Because there are things I will never do and things I would do when I felt okay doing it. And some of the second variety are things you might do only in a committed relationship after you've been together several years as opposed to doing right away or never.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 2:42:24 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


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Status: offline 		Yes, it can be rather vague.  like for instance, I have anal sex listed as a no go, in general, but for the right person I am actually very interested in trying it and learning that together at my pace and my desire. However if any one was to just simply demand it as an activity we WILL be doing, nope  nuh uh don't fly with me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

Saying something is a hard limit is like me saying , "I would NEVER do..." However, saying there are things I will not do still seems vague to me because in the right situation, with the right person I might do it.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 2:47:11 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Yes, it can be rather vague.  like for instance, I have anal sex listed as a no go, in general, but for the right person I am actually very interested in trying it and learning that together at my pace and my desire. However if any one was to just simply demand it as an activity we WILL be doing, nope  nuh uh don't fly with me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

Saying something is a hard limit is like me saying , "I would NEVER do..." However, saying there are things I will not do still seems vague to me because in the right situation, with the right person I might do it.




THAT is a perfect example. I have always said I woud not do anal. It was never a hard limit persay but it was something I didn't even want to try or explore. With my play partner, I am willing to try. He knows my hardlimits and wont even ask but b/c I said I simply didn't like the idea of anal and he loves anal of course he brought it up eventually. Lol

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 7:39:54 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
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Status: offline 		I had an unpleasant anal sex experience once, with a lady using a dildo and going to fast, when I have told some men that, they're like that's awesome I demand we do anal sex in my relationship and I love to make it painful and un happy for the girl I am anally fucking, I was like well it sure in the hell won't be me!
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut


[


THAT is a perfect example. I have always said I woud not do anal. It was never a hard limit persay but it was something I didn't even want to try or explore. With my play partner, I am willing to try. He knows my hardlimits and wont even ask but b/c I said I simply didn't like the idea of anal and he loves anal of course he brought it up eventually. Lol

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/12/2010 8:18:13 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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Status: offline 		See EDQ2 gets what others haven't (my ass) because I know he would never do anything to physically hurt me and he has shown nothing but patience with my body and fears when it comes to anal. Which makes me want to give it to him even more.

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RE: why differentiate being saying I have hard limits a... - 6/13/2010 11:52:42 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That is exactly why I'd do something or the right person and not just some random dick head.

Unfortunately for me, my Daddy isn't really into anal explorations, he'll do it for me, but you always have a better experience I feel, when the person leading you down that path has an affinity for it, not just wanting to please you.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

See EDQ2 gets what others haven't (my ass) because I know he would never do anything to physically hurt me and he has shown nothing but patience with my body and fears when it comes to anal. Which makes me want to give it to him even more.

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