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RE: Married Men? - 9/23/2004 6:05:15 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

For anyone curious...

The married man seems to want a companion more than a sex partner. I didn't want companionship from him. What would be the point? In some strange way it's all very funny, ironic.

I have heard that most of the married men who go to hookers and other paid companions are actually looking for someone to talk to. I'm not looking for a married man to become my companion. I wanted sex and I thought that was pretty much the point of the whole thing. It's so very strange, like being in a Twilight Zone episode.

I used to think there was some sort of logic to men. Now I give up on that theory.

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(in reply to Thanatosian)

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RE: Married Men? - 9/24/2004 7:02:26 AM

cheeba0228

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
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I've been on both ends of this stick. I have been involved in a serious relationship and still loved to adventure with others, also I have been the one that has benn the so called third wheel. However in my relationships there was one common clause that I held to. When I was the "other man" he and I would not meet, and when there was "another woman" she and my significant other would not meet. However in both incidents we all knew of each others involvement and to what extent we would be in the relationship. When I was the other man I knew that it would not evolve into love it was a pure companion friendship with sex. Kinda the friends with benefits thing. i dont see a problem with it as long as the limits are in place and nobody crosses that line. If it is crossed it must be re-established firmly or the relationship must end.

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(in reply to theroebabe)

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RE: Married Men? - 9/27/2004 8:49:30 AM

magiqual

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
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laura asked:

quote:

I promised myself I would never... but... Just give me your thoughts so I have few more than those in my own head, please. I'm not asking for my mind to be changed I just want to feel that I really know what I'm getting into before I step into it.

As a married man who is in an above-board poly relationship, it can be made to work. (How "above-board"? How about my domme lives here 2-3 nights a week, as our house is much closer to her work than hers is, and she was invited to stay here by my wife w/o any prompting or pressure from me? In fact, I just walked into Her bedroom this morning, kissed her as she went off to work, then kissed my wife as she packed our son off to school.)

It takes a lot of maturity, and a willing for all parties to communicate what's going on inside, for this to work. It also takes keeping agreements and boundaries in mind, a clear understanding of who the primary partner is (in case there's a conflict in desires), and remembering to check in if you want a change of plans or an unplanned date. (We all have reasonably facile negotiations; I'm usually the one who has to go the extra mile if both parties want me on the same day *chuckle*.)

What does my Domme get from it (as have the few who have gone before?) She gets to manage her space -- getting closeness (and possibly play) when she desires it, and space the rest of the time. It's not the same kind of relationship upkeep that's involved in living with someone 24/7. My wife appreciates knowing that someone else is there helping watch over her sweetheart (and who does dishes...which may be the real secret to running poly relationships smoothly ;))

On the other hand, you can get burned if he's not being above-board about things. If the communication isn't there, and if he's unwilling to let you meet (and potentially have a friendship with) his partner, be very cautious. If it turns out he's been withholding information from you, it can backfire in a big way.

Our relationship looks more like an extended family than anything else. We are friends all around, and look out for each other. It's a fine thing. In fact, my domme and i celebrated our third anniversary last night.

(in reply to Laura)

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