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RE: Switch types? - 5/20/2004 10:29:51 PM

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Yup.

I seem to have this knack for getting male dominants to convert not really sure *why*.

Nothing I seek to do, just seems to happen, it's actually annoying.

Earned me the name DomBuster from a few different groups lol.

If I'm not interested and I state this and they continue to press themselves past a clearly stated and communciated boundary - I block and ignore them. This means I won't see any IMs, any emails, and I'll iggy them in any room. I refuse to allow them into my space to affect me in any way since they have made it clear they will not respect a clear boundary.

Therefore they can't be trusted at all as far as I see it. So they are toast. lol

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Switch types? - 12/3/2004 5:54:59 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

I consider myself a switch. I enjoy the exchange of power, and the struggle to be, and remain, on top.

I prefer to be in the dominant role, but if someone bests me (physically or mentally) they deserve my respect...and maybe my submission...but it will be a challenge. And that's what I enjoy the most...the wrestling match to hold power, to gain and remain in control.

There's a paragraph or two in my profile that deal with just this issue. Feel free to read it

< Message edited by armyboy -- 12/3/2004 5:55:20 PM >

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

RE: Switch types? - 12/7/2004 8:06:19 PM

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
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Your question would imply that there is a generally accepted breakdown for any role typically played within the community. Even the broad blanket of such terms as "dominant", "submissive", "slave", "master", "switch", "masochist", "sadist", "sensualist", et al, are the subject of constant debate and semantic scrutiny. As has been pointed out by others on these boards, there is no monolithic "scene" per se, and so semantic terminology will vary greatly from one clique to another. Much of the debate on this site stems from such local variations, which are as much part of different fragments of subculture as regional variation. The queer leather community will use different terms, or will apply different shades of meaning to the same terms, than, for instance the straight leather community or the pagan leather folk, all of whom are notably different, for instance, from the gothic leather cliques. Each subculture has some contact with the others through the over-arching categorization of being leather folk, but very often each clique keeps to itself and so communication (and hence dissemination of ideas) is limited. Local differences will also create semantic variations, so that when moving to a new area one some times has to pay attention to local conversation for a few days before figuring out what THEY mean by "vanilla" or "straight" or "dominant" or "submissive". Then, you add the various "traditions" such as gor and old guard, and the whole freaking mess collapses under it's own weight.

Now, as a proponent of polymorphous perversity, I am quite happy to know that there is so much variation. It means that my sex life will never get boring, and there will always be something new to learn and experience, even if it's just figuring out a mutual lexicon for negotiating with new play partners.

Vive l'difference!

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? Which rules apply? - 12/24/2004 11:52:41 PM

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Joined: 12/24/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

My experiences with bottoming to someone who submits to me were not good. I've tried it often enough to know that I will not do it again. It muddied the waters.

Your mileage may vary.

I was just sitting here wondering something when I read this post and thought it would be a good lead into my question. Do any of you have a particular set of rules in one role that you may not necessarily use/follow in the other role?

For example, when I top I never allow the bottom to touch me sexually at any time, either before in a vanilla or Ds setting, during or after a scene. Cuddling for aftercare is ok, but it's more of a parent/child, owner/pet soothing kind of thing. I also will not allow any of the bottoms I've topped to top me for any reason. In my mind, this keeps me in control at all times...always giving me the 'upper hand'. (I usually have a couple bottoms I play with as 'steadies', but always welcome new ones after I've gotten to know them for awhile.)

Never, ever would I want to top my Master.

Now, when I submit....the sky is the limit. Sex definitely has to be a part of it for me. I like to serve sexually and be used sexually...I suppose that's why it makes it all the more deeper, more intense, for me.

How do the rest of you feel about this part of Switching? Are you set to certain rules in a certain role and what are they?

Hugs,
S/sensualone

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: Switch types? Which rules apply? - 12/27/2004 1:27:14 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/6/2004
From: England
Status: offline

Maybe because I'm a hyper, imaginative, outgoing person... but, I'd never go for a girl who wasn't able to top.... Why have a bottom who won't resist? Ah- I also am into restrictive bondage... No meek, whimpy subs BLLUURRR

I'm not interested in a relationship like Blair and Bush... Evil is bound to result... If I master a girl, I want a challenge.... Likewise if a girl wants to top me, she can, but I'll fight her every inch....

Non-switches - Broaden your horizons and live every aspect of life!

(in reply to sensualone70)

RE: Switch types? - 12/30/2004 5:20:48 PM

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/30/2004
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First there is no right or wrong way to be a switch. For me I do not switch roles with the same person Im either a domme or sub. I feel im strong in both settings . I just like them equal so not willing to give one up to be fully one or the other. I have tried both roles with the same person who is a switch also and it just dosent seem to work for me. Either they make a lousy sub or I get revenge for a latter date for what I had them do or did to them.

_____________________________

quote:

"What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print."...

quote:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" Albert Einstein..

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? - 1/1/2005 2:29:03 PM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
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            Layered Relationships

                     by

                    Vield

           ( All Rights Reserved)

I'll be happy to speak of my knowledge of layered relationships.

Of course this is not something that is right for everyone, we are all unique persons.

Thus the BD/SM relationship from any point of view is wrong for many folks and right for many others.

I see that bi, straight, gay, lesbian and polyamorous relationships may be right for some folks and not right for others.

Some can switch with the same partner.

Some can switch NEVER.

Some can switch only with different people.

It is very possible in a polyamorous D/s
relationship to have layered levels of power
if the partners are open to this.
A "family" or "household" may consist of
multiple submissives with one Dominant
partner. This seems fairly common. There
usually will be a "pecking order" among the
submissives, where some have more power than
others, whether or not all sexually interact
with each other.

Functionally a relationship where more than
one Dominant is present but one is in
overall control is similar to the previous
example. The labeling is different (folks
will always pick the labels they feel are
right). A Mistress may "own" a Master who is
Dominant to all present but Her, for
example. Submissives could be submissive to
both (and in a "pecking order of
submissives"), or may in fact be
individually submissive to only one of the
Dominants (no matter what the sexual
interactions may be).

There are many possible combinations of Dominance and submission possible in a multi-partner household. No rule will ever cover all possibilities. Often the power levels in such a relationship will be VERY confusing to outside observers, though all may be perfectly natural to the members of the relationship.

A way to see how this works in other mammals is to read scientific reasearch on the dominance relationships within wolf packs. An observer may be very surprised about who is in charge of who, yet it all seems perfectly natural to the wolves.

Another example is a job in the military, or another structured workplace. In most instances a private will need to follow the instructions of a corporal, who in turn needs to follow the instructions of a sergeant, who in turn needs to follow the orders of a lieutenant, who in turn needs to follow the orders of higher ranking officers.

For some reason the folks who "do not understand how one can switch" are not paying attention to situations in their vanilla life where they themselves switch between being in charge and obeying others.

If peope have a limit of only switching with
different partners, and polyamory is also a
limit, they are stuck with not all parts of their nature being satisfied.

This often results in "serial monogamy", where a person has a partner that meets one set of needs, becomes dissatisfied, finds someone to satisfy other needs and ends the first relationship. Usually the pattern repeats after a period of time.

"Serial monogamy" is pretty frequent in the D/s community as well as in the BLGTG community. It is nearly the norm these days in the "straight het" community, though this is not openly admitted. The current divorce rate shows the facts.

"Serial monogamy" may in fact be more common in the "vanilla" community than among kinky folk because deep levels of communication between partners seems far less common among "vanilla" folks. Thus there is less chance of understanding and meeting needs.

As always, the observations expressed are my personal observations, and your milage may vary.

Vield

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? - 1/6/2005 12:47:55 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/20/2004
From: New Orleans Visiting California to NYC-Travelling
Status: offline

I had been a Domme for many years and I love it and the techiques are exquisite to use.

I have bottomed and a sensation player and submitted in a personal relationship or a couple of casual encounters....well, a few more than a couple. I love certain types of pain and the headspace of not thinking and letting it all go and just being and feeling. As a Top I love the Mastery and the sweet pain and pleasure I can give. I can switch in casual play and am not sure if I could in a permanent relationship as I tend to be a monopolar switch, - ie I relate the person one way and it stays that way or the headspace and powerdynamics change. Since I am still exploring this is subject to change.

I love dominating woman as much as men, but don't like being a sexual dominant. Strange but me.

Peace,
Absinthea

(in reply to LadyTantalize)

RE: Switch types? - 4/1/2005 3:57:15 PM

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Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotHotLove

Hello i am new here and checking out the site, i would just like to say, i like being in relationships where my lover is a top most of the time, but there are times when I have to have her the way I want her, most of my relationships with women have been this way. I enjoy the botom most of the time, but like to be with someone that can allow me to express my need to top every now and then.

I hear ya. I'm the same way. I do enjoy my lover as a top most of the time, but there are times...when I want to take the dom role and have him be my sub. Having him the way I want him.

(in reply to GotHotLove)

RE: Switch types? - 6/7/2005 3:24:52 AM

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Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

I would just like to say from my experience. I am a switch. I held the title and still do of submissive. But I have come to a time in the lifestyle that I want, I need, I desire to flog someone else, among other things. Not out of angry but out of pure pleasure. After 8 years in the submiissive role. I know I can Domme, but I still enjoy the sub side of me. I have been with my Dom for the past 5 year. I will continue to submit to him cause that is apart of me that I am not ready to, or may not ever want to give up.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? - 6/8/2005 10:55:38 AM

terah

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline

I believe there are levels to switching like subbing, bottoming or being a slave. I am a dominant switch always will be. I am not a follower in a household. I make the rules. I am in charge of every woman who needs training and mentoring. I am sub/bottom. I enjoy pleasing people in session. I will out out of my way to make people comfortable., but the again DON'T EVER PISS ME OFF. I go from Zero to BITCH in light speed.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? - 7/22/2005 7:05:34 AM

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Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline

Well I don't know how common my personal feelings may be, but I've found that in my heterosexual relationships, I'm incapable of topping. The idea of topping a man doesn't hold the slightest interest for me. I'm a sub through and through when I'm with a man.

However, I find myself quite obsessed with the idea of topping another woman. I've never had a chance to explore my bi-curious tendencies but I feel that I would enjoy having a female slave just as much as I would enjoy BEING a slave to another female.

I guess that means I'm a sub with men but a switch with women? Confusing I guess!

_____________________________

What do you mean "get a life?" I'm a GAMER, I have MANY lives!

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Switch types? - 7/24/2005 11:47:56 PM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Tis hard to define my status.

I am bi, my slave CD is bi, my former GF is bi.

For some reason I tend to be more Dom when Alexis is in her female stage. When she reverts to her male persona, he tends to be Dom, but he does not realize it.

Heck...in all aspects, I am the Domme when I am with females & CDs, but sub at times with males. It must be my upbringing...YUCK!!!!

Thomas/Alexis is helping me to understand the difference about the fine line where I am Domme one moment and sub the next.

Sorry if this is garbled...Mercury is in retrograde, I am a Gemini and I am literally screwed until the 15th next month!

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

RE: Switch types? - 7/25/2005 8:06:17 AM

Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Interesting responses, and most of them jibe with what I've seen around in that switches have as many different tastes and preferences as anyone else. So as far as a "generally accepted breakdown", I'd have to agree with the majority here and say, "no." We all have different desires and different ways of achieving them.

Personally, outside of vanilla life, I live primarily as a sadistic dominant. My love, ItzKat (who is currently on holiday, and who I miss terribly) is always my submissive when we scene. She and I have tried a little role switch, but it doesn't play out, as it totally conflicts with all the work and time we've put in establishing our BDSM relationship. She definitely has a little toppy side (but insists she is NOT a switch), and it's great fun when I can help her channel it on a willing submissive friend, but we have agreed that she simply can't go there with me.

At the same time, I love the occasional trip into subspace. Because of my extreme masochistic side, it usually takes quite a bit to take me there, but once the ropes or cuffs go on, any thoughts of dominance are completely erased until I am released. With a strong, confident dom/domme in control, I can give in to the submissive role and become very pliable... but I don't know how long I can stay in that role without pain, and a lot of it, as a catalyst.

My very best experiences in this realm (submission) have been those where I was first able to dom my Kat, and take her to her magical place, and then she was there tend to me during and after my scene (with the permission of whoever is topping me). I know she understands the space I'm in, because it is one of her favorite places too. And there's an intimacy that comes from sharing a blanket in the corner of the dungeon as we take our ride through Wonderland that is absolutely impossible to beat.

Before Kat and I committed to one another, I played with several people in the local scene at parties and private events. Several were switches, and we would usually choose a role at the beginning of the night and stay within that role. But the next time we would go out, we might switch. That was fun too, but for me I think it only worked because we were not in a serious relationship. It was just play.

Anyway, dunno if I explained anything any better, or only made it more convoluted... but it is nice to be able to "chat" about these topics again.

_____________________________

Master, Friend, and Lover of ItzKat

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Switch types? - 11/22/2005 10:41:16 PM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

my dom enjoys pain however its not that i dominate him he tells me what he wants and i do as im told
i dont think that is switching but im nt sure

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Switch types? - 11/23/2005 11:30:11 AM

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Joined: 11/4/2005
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I switch only with my partner. I have never served anyone else nor have I had anyone serve me.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Switch types? - 11/23/2005 7:33:07 PM

Posts: 309
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

I was a Domme till i met Daddy...

Im a sub. to him.. yet a Domme to everyone else.... well im also Bi and I rather have female slaves/subs.

A.S.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Switch types? - 11/29/2005 7:19:11 PM

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Joined: 11/21/2005
From: USA
Status: offline

They say that to learn to be a Dom/Domme, you have to be a Submissive first...that way you know what is going on from boths sides of the situation....

_____________________________

"Tailgaters will be fed to the reavers!"

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Switch types? - 11/29/2005 8:21:24 PM

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Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

My Mistress is a locational switch, in that sense that her Dom lives in another country. She bears his collar and is a 24/7 slave when she visits him. In this country she´s a dom and nothing else...

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to Snivilis)

RE: Switch types? - 12/9/2005 8:42:14 AM

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

i personally think that most people are switches whether they admit it or not. they might, however, be dominant switches or sub switches as they case may be, but there is an element there.
but then again that is my thinking

(in reply to iwillserveu)

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