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RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:06:34 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Sometimes people are so intent on proving themselves to be right that they are unable to see the whole picture and therefore their reading comprehension goes to he

How would you know what I was saying, it's obvious you never read nor attempt to comprehend anything I ever say.

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Post #: 141

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:08:32 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am the only one on the ENTIRE board who like you, and this is how you treat me.

HEY!!! Watch it smart-ass. I happen to like..er...uh......whasshername.

you are late

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Post #: 142

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:08:49 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

To the OP, I think you know what your relationshio is today, I think that is valid, what it will become and where it will go is up to how you grow as you grow.

Sometimes people intersect for a short period of time just to make a connection that helps to mold them for something else.

Right now you are having issues that are stimming from your current limitations and not your age as so many people are trying to suggest. I think that the bonding that you are having with your Master is also starting to wear on you ability to serve. You are in college, you have responsibilities that keep you from being able to serve your Master full time and because you cannot make him a priority right now you have been put in a place that denotes that someone else is seated in a more honored position than you. The spot that you sit is still a respected position but you are longing for the recognition that comes from sitting in someone elses position. As I suggested to you in PM's instead of focusing on what you aren't getting on what isn't being expected of you instead you should focus on what you ARE getting, about what the position you DO have in his house means to him.

You are not less than per se, in fact what you are is simply in a different place. No everyone can be a Manager but most managers have Assisstant Managers who are equally important but for different reasons.

I think you Master cares for you very much and I know that people whose opinion hold some weight with me believe that he is a good guy. So Ignore all this crap about his age because I am sure his age has nothing to do with why you feel the way you feel while in his presence.

I do think you should talk to your Master about this, and in the future I think you should trust that he would guide you in a positive way on subjects like this. Give him the opportunity to do what you have given him the right to do, let him be the dominant force in your life that you choose to learn from.

That is all I gotta say on this subject and am done with it.

QSM

_____________________________

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(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 143

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:08:56 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

Sometimes people are so intent on proving themselves to be right that they are unable to see the whole picture and therefore their reading comprehension goes to he

How would you know what I was saying, it's obvious you never read nor attempt to comprehend anything I ever say.

You are peeing in the wind on this thread.....

The OPer has the advice she sought, and it wasn't ours.... We can just hope that she feels the same way as she does today in half a dozen years....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 144

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:14:44 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

We can just hope that she feels the same way as she does today in half a dozen years....

It'll be a matter of months.

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 145

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:16:07 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello lucky,
I've not read the entire thread - just the first page. You asked about poly. You got a really good response (was it Calla?) way back on page one about the dynamics of poly. Here is the important question (to me). Are you someone who can *do* poly? Some people are, some aren't, some can for awhile. I've been in several poly relationships and never has one ended well. The reality is that *for me* is that poly is fun for awhile and then it is not. I can't do anything beyond the most superficial poly relationship. Not good or bad, just real.

You have said that you have a life in uni, you have friends and such. That is good. You also have a grown up relationship. If you want to be with this man, opening your heart, then good on you. Like all love, it comes with risks. The poly risks are somewhat different than monogamy risks. Some things are the same, but there is a certain exponential factor with the more people you add. If he has a wife, another gal and you, the reality is that you are low gal on the totem pole. He may actually enjoy new folks and training and the struggle and such which some folks find a fun experience. I don't know him and can't say. For better or worse, however, you *do* have a relationship.

One of my favorite threads was started a long time ago about poly. Here is the link: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1270033/mpage_1/tm.htm

I suggest you read it - in its entirety.

Please remember that if this doesn't work for you, that's ok. If it does work for you, that's ok. Things worth having require sacrifice. That, too, is ok. The question - what sacrifice do you want to make? can you make? are you at peace with making?

Good luck to you,
sunshine

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Post #: 146

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:21:56 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

Sometimes people are so intent on proving themselves to be right that they are unable to see the whole picture and therefore their reading comprehension goes to hell

How would you know what I was saying, it's obvious you never read nor attempt to comprehend anything I ever say.

Obviously that isn't true at all or I wouldn't have spotted your misunderstanding re: Domme wife, slave and submissive.

As for where I found that information, it was contained within the texts of the OP's posts.

I am surprised with your use of the the generalization "never".

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(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 147

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 3:27:11 PM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

I like men a little older than myself, but not that much older. And worse, it's really hard to find attractive men my own age. That part really sucks, but I don't care how cute a 20 yr old might be, I just can't do it, I just can't see myself being with someone that young, they wouldn't be able to connect with me on a mental level. They won't be able to relate to my own cultural and life experiences, we're not on the same level.

I'm very happy for you that you've come to that truth about yourself and your preferences.
However, a woman your age and with all of your life experiences must have noticed somewhere along the way that the abovementioned isn't the truth for everybody.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 148

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 4:08:16 PM

lucky2beyours91

Posts: 58
Joined: 6/22/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

To the OP, I think you know what your relationshio is today, I think that is valid, what it will become and where it will go is up to how you grow as you grow.

Sometimes people intersect for a short period of time just to make a connection that helps to mold them for something else.

Right now you are having issues that are stimming from your current limitations and not your age as so many people are trying to suggest. I think that the bonding that you are having with your Master is also starting to wear on you ability to serve. You are in college, you have responsibilities that keep you from being able to serve your Master full time and because you cannot make him a priority right now you have been put in a place that denotes that someone else is seated in a more honored position than you. The spot that you sit is still a respected position but you are longing for the recognition that comes from sitting in someone elses position. As I suggested to you in PM's instead of focusing on what you aren't getting on what isn't being expected of you instead you should focus on what you ARE getting, about what the position you DO have in his house means to him.

You are not less than per se, in fact what you are is simply in a different place. No everyone can be a Manager but most managers have Assisstant Managers who are equally important but for different reasons.

I think you Master cares for you very much and I know that people whose opinion hold some weight with me believe that he is a good guy. So Ignore all this crap about his age because I am sure his age has nothing to do with why you feel the way you feel while in his presence.

I do think you should talk to your Master about this, and in the future I think you should trust that he would guide you in a positive way on subjects like this. Give him the opportunity to do what you have given him the right to do, let him be the dominant force in your life that you choose to learn from.

That is all I gotta say on this subject and am done with it.

QSM

Thank You Sir so much for Your help.
It was a pleasure meeting You, i will ask Master if i can add You when i can get a hold of Him!

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 149

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 4:34:51 PM

lucky2beyours91

Posts: 58
Joined: 6/22/2010
Status: offline

exactly don't focus on what i am not getting - that will get me nowhere ...focus on what i am getting. Exactly, i think that's something that is key that You told me.

(in reply to lucky2beyours91)

Post #: 150

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 5:59:28 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91

i assure you, i am much more mature than many 19 year olds my age.

i am afraid you are letting my age get to you more than it should...i am sure your advice would be way different if i was like 30. To me, age doesn't matter so your input is giving me nothing..................lol

Some people like to project, don't take it (or them) personally. Just because they were immature and stupid when they were 19, they presume that everyone else is/was.

Amazing though when said people preach from their high seat of self-proclaimed maturity and experience, they often lack the communicational skills and verbalization needed to convince the waylead youth, although one would think that maturity and experience would already have brought them said skills.

Eh, really...the last thing i wanted to talk about in here was if my age is ok or just about my age in general

i really don't care if my age seems ok or not..., because i feel it is, therefor it doesn't really matter *shrugs*

Age isn't something you can change in yourself. Don't worry about the judgmental comments of people that know nothing about you. I have to give you alot of credit for hanging in there and defending your position politely, intelligently and insightfully. I think you will be fine.

What's incredibly humorous about this thread is that the OP is here discussing it and you guys are talking around her like it's not about her. It is. Get off your soapboxes. She's made her decision about the age factor. She's here asking for help and as usual someone pulls something out of their ass to attack her with. Kudos, for ignoring her actual request and attempting to impose your own moral beliefs on someone yet again.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/22/2010 6:01:05 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lucky2beyours91)

Post #: 151

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 6:24:48 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

Sometimes people are so intent on proving themselves to be right that they are unable to see the whole picture and therefore their reading comprehension goes to hell

How would you know what I was saying, it's obvious you never read nor attempt to comprehend anything I ever say.

Obviously that isn't true at all or I wouldn't have spotted your misunderstanding re: Domme wife, slave and submissive.

As for where I found that information, it was contained within the texts of the OP's posts.

I am surprised with your use of the the generalization "never".

It seems to me like you're always looking for something to be wrong in whatever I'm saying, so naturally, you jumped at that one observation, but on the whole, you, and apparently some others, have reduced my maternal instincts and desire to protect a girl from harm into a need to be controlling and be "right at all costs". So thanks for the insult.

Why aren't you aiming your remarks towards some of the other people that share my belief on this matter? I'm sorry, but I'm always going to think that a 50 yr old man having sex with a 19 yr old girl is creepy. Creepy for him, harmful for her. I wonder if he isn't also on some sex offender's list somewhere, I wouldn't be surprised to find that he was. I'm always going to see this as borderline pedophilia if it isn't outright. I'm sorry you seem to think it's ok for dirty old men to molest teenage girls. Do me a favor, why don't YOU put me on hide, I'll return the courtesy.

< Message edited by DarlingSavage -- 6/22/2010 6:58:35 PM >

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 152

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 6:40:53 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

for ignoring her actual request and attempting to impose your own moral beliefs on someone yet again.

If that was pointed at me, and I am not saying it was, she asked for advice... I offered my opinion....

She decided she liked other opinions and she did not care for mine.... that is her right as someone asking for advice....take what you want, and leave the rest, isn't that how it works around here? I did not go and offer an unsolicited opinion, it was asked for in the General Discussion forum....

Now you might not care much for my advice, she might not care much for my advice, but it was offered with good intentions. I wasn't being ugly to her. I never put her down. I stated what I did as I would to any teen embarking on such a relationship....

For you to make out like I went off and read this young woman's profile and offered an unsolicited opinion and I am a busybody, well, I just don't see it that way. I truly am disturbed by this situation, and I am sure I am not the only one in the world who is disturbed by it.... Becoming 18 does not magically imbue people with the ability to make major life choices, such as involving themselves with a poly swinging family 30 years older than she...

This is the last I will post on this topic...I respect the right of all legal adults to do as they will, but if they ask my opinion, they get it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 153

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 6:57:31 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

for ignoring her actual request and attempting to impose your own moral beliefs on someone yet again.

If that was pointed at me, and I am not saying it was, she asked for advice... I offered my opinion....

She decided she liked other opinions and she did not care for mine.... that is her right as someone asking for advice....take what you want, and leave the rest, isn't that how it works around here? I did not go and offer an unsolicited opinion, it was asked for in the General Discussion forum....

Now you might not care much for my advice, she might not care much for my advice, but it was offered with good intentions. I wasn't being ugly to her. I never put her down. I stated what I did as I would to any teen embarking on such a relationship....

For you to make out like I went off and read this young woman's profile and offered an unsolicited opinion and I am a busybody, well, I just don't see it that way. I truly am disturbed by this situation, and I am sure I am not the only one in the world who is disturbed by it.... Becoming 18 does not magically imbue people with the ability to make major life choices, such as involving themselves with a poly swinging family 30 years older than she...

This is the last I will post on this topic...I respect the right of all legal adults to do as they will, but if they ask my opinion, they get it

Bravo!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 154

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 7:02:30 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

FR

The title of the thread is "i need some advice please". What I actually read was this: "My Dom/Master hurt my feelings, and I'm too afraid to discuss it with him, so I came here to ask strangers how they can make me feel better."

When some people responded in a way that did not make the OP feel better, she got defensive.

My opinion is this: if the Dom points out this pecking order to her on a regular basis, he's either jerking her chain, or grooming her for slavery. If it doesn't bother her, the problem is solved. If she's still hurt, I hope the OP will discuss her feelings with the man who holds her tender, vulnerable nineteen-year old soul in his hands.

As others have already pointed out, the OP may not be equipped for poly.

The OP's Dom might not be, either.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 155

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 7:07:31 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

Coming in late and read almost nothing except to point out when communicating with someone it is really helpful to watch out for the words, always, never, just. Sentences that contain the phrases, "You always...you never..., I just want..." are usually unhealthy sentences that can cause damage in relationships. Usually no one always, just, never anything.

It may seem like it but to phrase it like that is putting it out as truth and in a sense helping to create it. It backs the person into a box where there are no options, no variations or modualtions, too black and white really.

Try an notice when it is being thrown at someone and try and take it back, rephrase to something more honest and kind..."It seems like, you never listen to me and you always... if you would just..."

It is a little distinction but is in fact a big one and a good place to start taking responsibility for healthy communicating that doesnt back down the true expression but also doesnt dump out on the other person hurting them and ourselves in the wake.

_____________________________

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I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
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(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 156

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 7:18:53 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

HC, you're a sweetie.

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 157

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 9:08:46 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

My former submissive and I had a 5 year relationship, and we started dating when we were 20. I know a lot of other mature, responsible people who are close to the OP's age. If his age doesn't bother her, I think that calling her a child, or saying she doesn't know who she's attracted to, is very insulting toward her. I don't see any reason why she shouldn't get emotionally involved with him, unless she doesn't want a relationship with him or vice-versa. Poly doesn't work for some people, but I don't think we have enough information to know one way or the other.

luckytobeyours, I've mostly been in "monogamous with room for play" interactions with people who were poly (my femsub playpartner is married, and I've played with a few couples in the past). I'm open to the possibility of poly with the right people, but not if it is overtly hierarchical. I completely accept and understand that my playpartner and her husband have a lot of shared history, and I would feel horrible if I did anything that caused any problems between them. I feel communication is very important. I figure it's obvious that she loves him deeply, while we're more friends, do S/M, and have a power dynamic. If she made a habit of telling me how I could never matter to her as much as her husband does, I'd feel she was kind of rubbing my nose in it, or that she didn't trust me to respect their boundaries. I don't want to feel like someone's insignificant other, so I wouldn't want to get involved on any level with someone who made a point of telling me how little I mattered to them. I feel that "secondary" is rather derogatory language, for example. If it works for other people, great, but it irks me. Likewise, if I had a boyfriend, and we brought in a submissive or switch, I wouldn't want him to call her our secondary, or tell her that my needs will always come first. I figure it depends on circumstances, and needs to be flexible. If one person is in the hospital or just lost their job, or their loved one (human or animal) died, or something, that takes priority over routine things for the other person. I figure that's just reflective of the real world. BTW, I think that sorting things out in your head and clarifying what is bothering you, either by journaling or posting, is a good tool. Especially since he is out of town, it seems perfectly reasonable to wait to discuss it until he gets back, where he can look into your eyes, give you a hug, or whatever else you need to feel special and to let you know he cares.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 158

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 9:10:33 PM

femasoslave

Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline

I understand completely why you have decided to ask a question which isnt in your name.......there have been times when i have thought of doing the same thing......but i didnt.....what i did do was give myself some time to think about the problems which were in my head.
It doesnt matter what others say, we can ask and get advice but we are all individuals, some people want the lifestyle you have described, others would run as fast as they can.......its what you want! Thats all that matters in the long run, honestly, you have to work to out for yourself, advice may help but that doesnt mean others are right, its what you need and want, thats all that matters in the long run.
Just remember that the best relationships are the ones were we feel good about ourselves......otherwise, its just destructive.

(in reply to lucky2beyours91)

Post #: 159

RE: i need some advice please - 6/22/2010 9:24:59 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

It's just I've seen a rash of this from subs recently. Well... I'm not quite sure what SocratesNot is so I have him in his own category.

A rash of subs trying to dom the world with their opinions? Well, see...here's the thing. I may *be* a sub, but I'm not *your* sub, or anyone else's here on these boards. Therefore, any opinion I may hold or espouse comes not from a "sub" but from a person.

SocratesNot is also a person, btw.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 160

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