RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit?

RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (Full Version)

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AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:13:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Nope just wondering how long you plan on acting like church lady and judging everyone else by your moral code. i never set foot in a church, and the fact that you see me presenting a high level of morality tells me i am getting better with age!!! [:)] There you go again. I never said you presented with a HIGH level of morality, just that you judged everyone else based only on YOUR moral code, I don't think it is a high one, just a holier-than-thou one. I think Pretentious is the word I would use. QSM

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:16:04 PM)
Since I didn't have a career...I've had a lot of interesting jobs. Some of them were as a live in domestic servant. Children were in the house. A few were retired women who dragged me around with them in public everywhere, and I served wherever we were. I was chewed out in public if I messed up in some real or imagined way. Nobody was traumatized over seeing a servant. When friends visited, I was either sitting in some corner mending something or off doing dishes or something worse, while seeing to it that anything needed was brought to my employer and her guest. When I was in another room, she rang a bell. This was vanilla employment, not kink. In households with kids, the parents made (a big mistake) me pick up their kids' clothing from off the floor, clean up their toys and make their beds, as well as drive them to and from every extra school activity. I grew to hate sitting in ballgame bandstands, getting sunburned, waiting for practice or the game to be over. People all over America have no problem with domestic servants, neither do their kids. Why would the kids need to know anything that happens behind closed doors? If it's discreet, and they guy isn't wearing a tutu while doing dishes, and singing, "I'm a little teapot..." I agree that the sub should be only under the orders of one person and definitely not able to be ordered about by teenagers. Been there, done that, and teenagers can be sadistic little monsters if they figure out they have the power to order an adult around. As for nowadays, a lot of us have children...who live with us. Life doesn't stop. I don't do anything sexual in front of my son and wouldn't do anything that would make him uncomfortable. But I also need to say that dominance/submission has been part of vanilla households since time began...if daddy wears the pants in the family or if mommy's the boss, well...this is very old hat to many. My dad was a complete asshat, but when he walked in that door...the king/ruler/despot/BOSS had arrived. Some of the guys in my family tree (and friends in the 80's) married oriental girls...and this was definitely a vanilla D/s relationship. Nobody intervened, but respected how their family dynamics worked. When my ex remarried, he went traditional and had his father make an arranged marriage for him...and she may hate his guts a lot of the time...but they stay married...have four kids...and their culture expects the man to have the final word at home. The children are raised to have these same cultural beliefs. It exists. BDSMers didn't invent D/s relationships. I agree that the rest of BDSM should be kept from kids and vanillas who would be traumatized.

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:16:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Nope just wondering how long you plan on acting like church lady and judging everyone else by your moral code. i never set foot in a church, and the fact that you see me presenting a high level of morality tells me i am getting better with age!!! [:)] There you go again. I never said you presented with a HIGH level of morality, just that you judged everyone else based only on YOUR moral code, I don't think it is a high one, just a holier-than-thou one. I think Pretentious is the word I would use. QSM you are more than entitled to you opinion. But the fact that you see me as "holier than thou" tells me your morals must be lower than whale shit.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:16:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: To add- my nephews were playing with the Oring on my collar before they could talk, guess I exposed them to my kink and am a bad person! my kid yanked the collar off of my neck and was headed to the toilet. [8\|] Hypocritical too I guess. This one statement made everything you have said so far hold no water. How is this not introducing your children to your kink... wearing a collar in front of them. QSM

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:19:03 PM)
Apparently you don't know what "holier-than-thou" means. It doesn't mean you actually are.... just that you THINK you are. QSM

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:20:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: To add- my nephews were playing with the Oring on my collar before they could talk, guess I exposed them to my kink and am a bad person! my kid yanked the collar off of my neck and was headed to the toilet. [8\|] Hypocritical too I guess. This one statement made everything you have said so far hold no water. How is this not introducing your children to your kink... wearing a collar in front of them. QSM http://secure.jamesavery.com/jewelry/search/product/CH-539/Collet-Neck-Collar/ happy now? very vanilla looking.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:22:40 PM)
The solution here is very simple. If you aren't comfortable with it, don't go. Regardless of how many people here tell you they think it is fine, or think it isn't fine, YOU are the one who has to be comfortable with the situation. It sounds like you aren't very comfortable with this situation. Perhaps in the future you would be if you built up to it more slowly, perhaps not. You say that these people don't even need to be polite to you. I would not be comfortable on that fact alone. Who wants to spend a week somewhere like that? Maybe that's your thing, I have no idea. But it won't be a little vacation for you. It will be you completing all the grunt work so everyone else can enjoy their time. I do get the impression that the rest of the family gets some enjoyment from "Aunt Katie's" eccentricities, and apparently you won't even be entitled to a hot shower after making everyone's bed, cooking all their meals and picking up after them while they are rude to you. Again, perhaps that is what you are looking for. It certainly doesn't sound like any fun to me.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:22:57 PM)
Nope cause it's STILL a collar, who cares what it LOOKS like, just like this guy LOOKING like a House Keeper or a Butler isn't good enough for you either because what he IS is a submissive and that is just wrong to do in front of a child. The Collar is a Collar and it is worn in front of your children how is this not exposing them to your kink? QSM

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:24:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Apparently you don't know what "holier-than-thou" means. It doesn't mean you actually are.... just that you THINK you are. QSM Did i not say "the fact that you see me as holier than thou"??? Here hon...read it again: quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly you are more than entitled to you opinion. But the fact that you see me as "holier than thou" tells me your morals must be lower than whale shit. You see it? I don't. In fact i think it is hilarious.

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:28:40 PM)
quote: The Collar is a Collar and it is worn in front of your children how is this not exposing them to your kink? You just made my point, thanks. My kid views my collar as jewelry only. The 13 yr old should view the OP as Aunt Katies friend only. Cast the BDSM title to my collar or to the op, and things are then inappropriate for kids.

January -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:30:36 PM)
FR I have to agree with Holly 100%--involvement of children crosses a boundary of mine-- irrespective of seeing "sex", or the supposed experience of the teenager. But getting back to the OP and his boundaries. The OP is clearly uneasy. He's worried because he doesn't know if this situation will ultimately involve breaking a hard limit. We don't know what really happens at the cottage with the 13 year old. It could be great fun--for him. However, I hope he'll get clarification before he goes, by discussing it with Auntie Domme. My concern is the OP might go to the cottage, do his service, and then at some point discover the teenager's "fun" is not hunky-dory---and he'll be STUCK at the cottage. Now what's he going to do about his hard limit? If the OP can't find out what the girl's involvement is before he goes (and if it will bother him), and he heads off to the cottage anyway, he'd better have an escape plan. (Like have his own car.) January

SailingBum -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:45:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Nope just wondering how long you plan on acting like church lady and judging everyone else by your moral code. i never set foot in a church, and the fact that you see me presenting a high level of morality tells me i am getting better with age!!! [:)] There you go again. I never said you presented with a HIGH level of morality, just that you judged everyone else based only on YOUR moral code, I don't think it is a high one, just a holier-than-thou one. I think Pretentious is the word I would use. QSM Happens to agree with holly on this uh qsm who's moral code should she should she use to judge ppl??? Yours mine uh santa claus. You act as tho because she doesn't agree with you she is wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. The OP asked for advice you don't happen to agree with holly Get over yourself. The way Ive been reading the posts holly was clarifying her position so ppl could get a more indepth understanding of her concept. BTFW at least she has a moral compass. BadOne

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:45:49 PM)
holly so glad that you can ignore so much just to make yourself right. take care. QSM

mstrjx -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:55:15 PM)
I'm going to jump into all this despite the mutual admiration we all seem to be exhibiting today, and ask a question. I'm not actually going back on what I said earlier, but I still would like to know how we all view this. To clarify, I understand the cautiousness of bringing kink or lifestyle issues amongst those who are not consenting adults. I've had the fortune (or misfortune) in my nearly 20 years of almost NEVER having been around someone's children who I was seeing. I can recall play-date partners who had children, and only one partner of mine whose child I met, but never had any illicit conduct around. So my question is ... in this situation, 'who's' responsibility is it that there is no malfeasance committed? Is it the dominant's? The submissive's? The 'parent-or-closest-thing-to-it' (in this case the dominant)? Another issue as I see it now is to what extent is the relationship to this dominant and submissive? Is there sufficient trust from the dominant that they (who is the closer to being in control) will not allow taboos to be crossed? If the relationship is new or not mature enough to have that trust, then the whole thing becomes a non-issue. Jeff

DesFIP -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 1:57:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly Don't you? The entire group is aware Aunt Katie is kinky and has a slave. Where did the op say that? Holly, I think you misread it. The fact that she's been bringing helpful guests does not mean they are out to the youngins and the old folks, or the inbetween ones. If they don't know he's a sub, then he's just the world's greatest houseguest.

SailingBum -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 2:02:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx So my question is ... in this situation, 'who's' responsibility is it that there is no malfeasance committed? Is it the dominant's? The submissive's? The 'parent-or-closest-thing-to-it' (in this case the dominant)? Jeff Im going to take this question seriously even tho it seems like a no brainer to me. The Adults. Ya know I never had sleep overs until the kids were over 18. I did not want to be the one who put "fun" into dysfunctional. BadOne

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 2:03:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly Don't you? The entire group is aware Aunt Katie is kinky and has a slave. Where did the op say that? Holly, I think you misread it. The fact that she's been bringing helpful guests does not mean they are out to the youngins and the old folks, or the inbetween ones. If they don't know he's a sub, then he's just the world's greatest houseguest. quote: ORIGINAL... She says that she has been bringing slaves with her to the cottage for years and that everyone loves it. Long ago they just wrote it off as another thing that crazy Aunt Katie does and they've looked for the positive. He said "slave" as opposed to guest or hired help. If Aunt Katie DID bring the hired help or a guest, one would assume the family would not write it off as another thing crazy Aunt Katie does. This tells me very clearly they are aware of the BDSM dynamic.

afkarr -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 2:09:19 PM)
I am going to take the underlying kink completely out of the equation and side with LuckyA- teaching children by example that it is acceptable to be discourteous to others is unacceptable. Showing them that they can expect othes to wait on them is unacceptable. Personally, I wouldn't participate in anything that taught anyones children the same things. If they want to raise rude lazy brats, I suppose that's their business, but I refuse to aide them, and so would politely decline the invitation.

mstrjx -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 2:09:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx So my question is ... in this situation, 'who's' responsibility is it that there is no malfeasance committed? Is it the dominant's? The submissive's? The 'parent-or-closest-thing-to-it' (in this case the dominant)? Jeff Im going to take this question seriously even tho it seems like a no brainer to me. The Adults. Ya know I never had sleep overs until the kids were over 18. I did not want to be the one who put "fun" into dysfunctional. BadOne The OP (submissive) is an adult, but is walking in blind into a situation that isn't entirely his control. The only way he can take responsibility away from all of the others who might or might not be willing participants into something unacceptable is to simply not go in the first place. But therein lies the second question. If I were submissive, and if I trusted my owner/dom(me)/whomever sufficiently that the situation will work out and there won't be any of that unacceptable-ness going on, then taking the responsibility away from her and/or the group isn't trusting/obedient/whatever. Jeff

sirsholly -> RE: Fuzzy Hard Limit? (6/22/2010 2:11:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx So my question is ... in this situation, 'who's' responsibility is it that there is no malfeasance committed? Is it the dominant's? The submissive's? The 'parent-or-closest-thing-to-it' (in this case the dominant)? Jeff Im going to take this question seriously even tho it seems like a no brainer to me. The Adults. Ya know I never had sleep overs until the kids were over 18. I did not want to be the one who put "fun" into dysfunctional. BadOne I agree with BadOne. Put an extended family together in a cottage and everyone has everyone elses kids half the time. For it to work, all adults are responsible for the kids.

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