CallaFirestormBW
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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DominaAmy925
Heres my issue:
I have a collared sub and he now has a girl friend. I have never had this happen (lucky me right), I understand his time is a bit limited now. BUT I still want my time and it seems to becoming less and less. Yes she is in the life style as well but I have not meet her yet.There always seems to be a reason why.I have put my foot down , but it seemed to make it worse than better.
I just wanted some advice from those who has had this issue befor and what did you do about it.
Thanks,
Ms.Amy
I encounter this relatively frequently, as our household often has openings for individuals who are either -in- other relationships or who develop other relationships during their time with us -- especially for the servants who aren't with us full-time.
For me, I have to meet the person at least once, though a brief social meeting and assurance that everyone is both aware of and comfortable with everyone else is usually sufficient. I don't usually wait for the servant to set this up... I request the contact information for the other person, and set up the appointment on my end.
As for the issue of time, we often deal with the matters involved in NRE (New Relationship Energy), with the understanding that the new, budding relationship usually requires a good bit of extra understanding, while everything settles with the new relationship.
Sometimes, for individuals who aren't suited to multiple-adult relationships, that period of NRE is the "wake up" that tells them that they aren't going to be able to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship where they have to consider additional parties in the mix. It's important to recognize this and to express it when it is the case... I use the following checklist when providing pastoral care to individuals who are struggling with a partner who has entered into a new relationship, to help people to decide where they're at when dealing with a companion or servant who has picked up a new relationship and the impact it is having on the existing relationship(s).
1. When I am with this person, our dynamic is satisfying and my time with them is pleasant. Y N
2. If I were to meet this person today, knowing that they were in another relationship, I would still be interested in hir. Y N
3. I am able to have a fulfilling life and am relatively comfortable during the time when this person is not able to be with me. Y N
4. I am able to see how the new relationship is shaping this person into someone that I (want/do not want) to spend more time with.
Once we go through the questionnaire, the person can usually see for hirself whether or not xhe is going to be able to manage with the other person's new-found situation.
Above everything else, though, especially in a situation of more than a simple pairing, the best results for everyone come when all parties involved have a goal of succeeding in their shared dynamic. They're able to work together to smooth out rough spots (including scheduling, which is a big issue, and financial issues, which can also get to be pretty overwhelming), and can support and guide one another to find the most effective solutions for continued progress. If even -one- of the members of the group isn't really on board with participating in the combined relationship, it can become really dis-satisfying, REALLY fast.
Calla
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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RE: collared sub finds a girlfriend - 
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