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hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? (7/5/2010 3:51:38 PM)
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i take no pleasure in being who i am; existence alone doesn't afford me anything more than a strong hate for loneliness.
who i am seems to suggest at best where it is that i'll seek out my pleasantries and 'what' as a result that they might consist of.
in this instance i find myself pursuing a relationship that is seen as peculiar, i chase after it in the hopes of finding enjoyment, not because i enjoy chasing. a person that enjoys hunting instead of 'having' has a different name than submissive; someone who finds their satisfaction merely from being what they are will probably be more lonely than i am, regardless of how many people they can surround themselves with.
you're asking a question no one can ever answer truthfully even when spoken in full honesty. the ability to enjoy, and what you 'will' is changed if you change the person.
you may as well be asking a doctor if they'd rather be a murderer; his answer only reflects his current outlook, not the opinion of his murdering self.
if i value something in life, then my values hold me to that life; the most likely answer is that if i wished to give up what i currently am, my alternative persona would also answer the question in the same way, wishing to become what i am now.
if i were offered the ability to trade in my current set of values for new ones, with only the promise of having the same fulfillment i have now, i would question why i would want to be equally unhappy in a different way. the entire premise is pointless.
if my life did have fulfillment in it, i would either be nothing short of fool to give it up, or i wouldn't have ever had the sense of fulfillment i was looking for and just be a skilled practitioner of self deception. people hold on tightly to things they value, they don't trade them off.
the short answer is no; i spend my time wishing i could let other people see things through my eyes, not wishing i was blind.
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