ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
Status: offline
|
Dear Troll (er... ah... I mean VaguelyCurious :-),
quote:
1) Are you a masochist yourself, or do/did you suffer through it because you've fallen for a sadist and the presence of pain in your dynamic is a consequence of that?
I'm a masochist and a sadist. Generally, these days, I find myself more on the receiving side of things, but I greatly enjoy "giving" if this is something my partner enjoys too.
When receiving, I'm not one of those people who quickly floats away. Quite the opposite, actually. I generally feel each and every stroke or pain trigger, and as the pain builds to greater levels, I get better at processing it. I don't think I've ever experienced the happy, floaty, out of your head "subspace" that many people describe. For me, I'm very much awake, cognizant, and in my head when taking pain for a partner. Afterward (and sometimes during) I have experienced shock, and this does make me feel dizzy and occasionally giddy, but in a different way than what people typically describe as subspace.
When giving, I can be wickedly evil (in that I'm willing to give great amounts of pain without worrying that what I'm doing is wrong). This isn't to say I'm not monitoring and looking after my partner, but rather that consensual sadism/masochism doesn't weight on my ethical mind - when I first started, yes, but not anymore now that I understand the emotions, safety issues, and the fact that I'm not actually permanently damaging my partner (but rather doing something they enjoy). There are times I like pushing past the "enjoyment ratio" to see just how much my partner can take. This is where fun pain turns into "just get through it" pain. I'll admit, there is a certain, unique enjoyment I get from watching a partner suffer through pain, perhaps more pain than they want, simply because I'm giving it to them.
As with pretty much all BDSM play, I like balance. One night might be a "let's see if you can take this bitch" kind of evening (with me as the "bitch"), and another evening might be a more loving, fluffy kind of affair (as in twist this, smack that... oh... look how wet we're both getting).
You asked "are you a masochist or do/did you suffer through it because you've fallen for a sadist". I'd say parts of both. I've been involved with partners who were far more sadistic than I was masochistic. In instances like this, I've often accepted pain I didn't necessarily enjoy simply because my partner is enjoying herself - I enjoy my partner's enjoyment a great deal. I suppose, to a degree, I've reprogrammed myself because there are types of pain I now crave. On the other hand, there are things I set out to explore simply because of my own fears. Needle play is an example. I ended up with a partner for who this was a favourite activity. When that relationship ended, even though we didn't do much needle play together, I decided to learn more about needles (by going to events and seminars) because I wanted to challenge and overcome my fears. Echoing a theme from above, receiving needles does not send me to instant subspace; I feel each and every needle as it enters and leaves my body. Going through this, for and with my partner, is an intensely rewarding experience, but the actual feel of the needles isn't something I hugely enjoy. I tend to have many categories of pain enjoyment and two of them are: "things I like because I adore the sensations" and "things I like because I loathe the sensations". Needle play falls more into the later category whereas canes fall into the prior.
I often wonder just how much I've rewired myself because while I still enjoy vanilla sex, I generally need some kind of pain to trigger orgasm. Yes, I feel a little odd saying that, but pain is something I enjoy and now need for a sexual response. I still enjoy vanilla lovemaking, but pain really gets me off and is a huge enjoyment trigger/intensifier in my sexual response.
quote:
2) What's your favourite/least favourite form of painplay? Is there one particular toy/instrument/technique that you take one look at and go 'nonononononono' or 'pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease'? (For the purposes of this question let's pretend that a technique is something you can take a look at...)
Whoa! This is private stuff! Hmmm. I don't so much identify with specific toys as I do places of pain. For example, I really enjoy having my nipples played with/hurt. Clamps, whips, crops, clothespins... bring 'em on, yes please! Another example, I love being taken/fucked hard by a domme who has a cock that is slightly wider/longer than I can handle. Yes, I want it to stretch and hurt. I want to feel my body ache from the inside. I want to wake up sore in the morning. These are all part of the turn-on. I already mentioned canes and I do like a lot of impact/hitty toys. Barehanded spanking is lovely too.
Things I don't like? Large, heavy paddles! This type of pain is neither stingy nor thuddy, and is rather "complete". By complete, I mean it's a full body experience that comes on thick and moves through your entire body. It's slow, all encompassing pain that is hard to process, especially with stroke after stroke, because the waves overlap leaving no pause for recovery. This is the complete opposite of a cane, which is RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, but gone in an instant. Quirts or extremely thin-tailed, flogging type toys that cut with seething, precise, knife-like pain... I'm not a huge fan of these either. Perhaps, after a warmup, I can find enjoyment, but overall these types of toys make me feel like I'm being viciously cut apart. It takes special people and circumstances for this kind of pain to work for me so, I'll say "never say never" and, at the same time, often not my preference except with certain partners.
quote:
3) Are you one of those people who can just float away on top of the pain to a land of clouds and fluffy bunnies, or do you need to actively process the pain? If you need them, what sort of coping strategies have you developed? Do they work?
I think I've pretty much answered this question in my responses above. I'm not, generally, a floater. On occasion though, I have experienced a giddy happiness, but I don't think this equates to the joyful, happy, feel good, "you can do anything to me now" place many describe as subspace. Usually, I have no choice but to process pain. This is the way my mind and body works. I don't process pain by finding ways to get away from it; I don't occupy my mind with other thoughts. Rather, I focus on the pain and flow with it. As the waves build, my sense of accomplishment builds. It helps when the sadist knows how to build pain in waves that subside, build larger, subside to smaller, and then build larger again. I find it very relaxing when, once I've gotten to my maximum threshold, my partner backs off a bit but does not stop the pain. The previous pain level that was scary/unbearable before now becomes a comfort blanket. Working this up in layers is a glorious feeling because each new plateau becomes a blanket of comfort and a feeling of mutual accomplishment - something my partner and I both achieved.
quote:
4) Do you like to know what (and how much of it) is coming, or do you prefer to just take it as it comes? Does/did your partner take this preference into account?
I'm a "variety is the spice of life" kind of pain slut. Sometimes it's comforting to know how much is coming and with what. Other times, I prefer just to take whatever comes and whatever fascinates and tweaks my partner's joy buttons. My headspace and preferences are dynamic, and I prefer to play with partners who are equally dynamic and who value two-way communication and feedback. I've played with sadists who simply enjoy dishing out pain regardless of whether the bottom is enjoying themselves or not. This isn't really my thing. I'm someone who embraces pain and experiences it (rather than using pain as a vehicle to get somewhere else). Part of my processing capability is based on interacting with my partner and having my partner support my efforts. Someone who gives no feedback or reward (because their only interest is in dishing out the pain itself) short circuits my pain processing. Besides. If I'm going to cry and/or bleed, I want cookies too! I tend to prefer sadists with a soft, fluffy, loving approach as opposed to those who use a more protocol-oriented, serious approach. Empathy and a sense of humour go a long way to enticing me to accept more pain. "Oh, but honey, darling... yes, it does hurt and it's all especially for you." *Thwack!* :-)
quote:
5) Your preference: stingy or thuddy? Does/did your partner take this preference into account? If so, do they take it into account in the nice way (you get what they know you like) or the eeeeevil way (you get what they know you hate)?
First things first. Categories of pain. Now that I've experienced more toys and more kinds of pain, I don't use binary categorization. For example, you can have floggers made of suede, leather, rubber, rope, thin chord, etc. Depending on the number of flails, cut of the flails, material, thickness, length, and techniques used, each flogger will have a completely different feel. Paddles are another class of toy that feels different from any kind of flogger - neither stingy nor thuddy; a full body pain experienced as much in the chest and other parts of the body as at the place of impact. My enjoyment of pain comes, in part, from interacting with my partner. Depending on her mood and my own, stinging pain may be good, but thudding pain may be just as good. And, as noted, there are many more types of pain than this. My partners have generally taken my preferences into account, and this includes giving what one or both of us likes, or giving exactly what they know I hate. There is a certain pleasure that comes from having someone give you exactly what you don't want, especially when you know they'll reciprocate with "good boy" love and affection afterward.
I'm an aftercare junkie. This is one of the best parts of play. There is nothing better than being curled up in your partner's arms as they stroke your hair and kiss away all your owies. Some owies can't be kissed away immediately, but they feel so much better in the arms of a caring, loving partner.
quote:
6) On a scale of ouch to AAAAAAAAAARGH, rate your partner in terms of evilness.
I've had partners who rate "ouch" and others who rate "aaaargh". I actually enjoy quite a bit of pain, but this all depends on my partner's approach and communication skills. Usually, I'd say my partners err more on the lighter side than the heavier side. I must admit, I'd like it, occasionally, if they erred more on the heavier side.
quote:
[EmotionalBlackmail] G'wan, make a miserable girl feel better about her day? Please? [/EmotionalBlackmail]
There's nothing much more sexy than a dominant (and a sadist at that) who asks and who says "please". Such a lovely juxtaposition. :-) Hope you're feeling better and that the replies in this thread have helped.
Elan.
|
RE: Unashamed Trolling Take 2: The Painplay Version! - 
- there seems to be a paucity of cake now that jb seems to have been slurped up by someone (im hoping) and having far too much fun to be bothered with making us cake anymore 
Profile
RE: Unashamed Trolling Take 2: The Painplay Version! - 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread