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Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 12:47:22 PM

xoangie

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/26/2010
Status: offline

Ok guys. Im new to the lifestyle and have two men in my life that are really into this online. Only thing is, Im not sure what to do/say what is sexy and torturing via webcam. Let me know what would be a hot experience for you, maybe from personal experience. All of you...NOW.

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 1:11:26 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm a Dom, but I still want to chime in.

What is sexy is unique to the individual. If it is really submission your boys are seeking than what matters is what YOU enjoy and find sexy. They'll get their thrill from submitting to your desires and pleasing you. If it's more about kink than submission then you should be asking them, not a random selection of subs on a forum.

(in reply to xoangie)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 1:24:57 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Sorry, big bad uber Dom here - but....

First, welcome to public Forums. :)

Second, if you're really that new then you're sure choosing a "no win" way to begin exploring the dominant you. I'm trying to imagine a novice musician starting out with a public concert. Seems like a good way to trash any potential reputation before you've virtually started....

What's confusing me here is that most people are driven by inner need; they gravitate toward what appeals and attracts them. Then you climb the ladder of experience, learning more about yourself and what fulfills your needs and desires and adjust accordingly. But you say you don't even how to, well let's face it, how to even dominate someone? That you likely need a script, for eg, to play a role?

I'm dreading that your real motivation is financial reward...? In which case, I'm done here....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to xoangie)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 4:17:50 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Does Southern Charms know you are using their photo?

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Focus50)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 4:40:26 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoangie

All of you...NOW.

I'm not sure what you're used to but on this board you are normally expected to address posters with respect.

Even submissive posters.

(Or should that be 'especially submissive posters'?

)

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to xoangie)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 5:06:04 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Does Southern Charms know you are using their photo?

Gee whiz, a stolen photo, a blank profile, and ordering random sub men around. I definitely know that she is weal.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 5:35:29 PM

BentUnit

Posts: 897
Status: offline

Yanno.....I have been expecting Big Pharm to issue a world wide recall on faulty meds, any day now.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 6:55:43 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoangie

Im new to the lifestyle and have two men in my life that are really into this online. Only thing is, Im not sure what to do/say what is sexy and torturing via webcam. Let me know what would be a hot experience for you, maybe from personal experience.

Ummmm, who would want to serve a Domme who didn't have the experience, creativity, or imagination to think of some things that might be hot? Even if you don't have actual experience, there are plenty of books out there (fiction and non-fiction). I'm surprised that you would come to a public message board, and effectively announce that you are clueless. How can you call yourself a Domme? Dominance it not a title that you just give yourself, it is a position that is earned. It doesn't sound like you have yet earned the submission of willing slaves/subs.

Try to learn a bit before you actually take on subs. You'll do much better that way.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 6/26/2010 7:41:20 PM >

(in reply to xoangie)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 7:28:27 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

I am a former slave, and wish to contribute to this discussion:

So many newbies come into this thinking they either have to submit to everyone who calls themselves a Dom or (to be a real Dom/me) believe that they have to order everyone about. I believe that the OP is just suffering from that pre-conception, and needs education about the reality.

For a start, OP, unless you are aspiring to go pro, forget about the webcam slave. Most of the men who want to jump straight to cam just want a quick orgasm, and have no clue as to the reality of submission. Take your time, read books and websites, talk to others who have been into the lifestyle awhile, attend local munches and play parties to gain insight and techniques, and don't be afraid to mentor under others....I have been into BDSM ten years, and am still seeking to mentor under people, as there is still a lot for me to learn.

Proper command and dominance won't come all at once as a behaviour, nor should you expect it to.

I personally, see my dominance (and any other learning experience in my life) along the same lines as a very famous chef's training experience: always start at the bottom, and work your way up. Throughout his training, this man always started at the lowest position in any given restaurant; frequently he didn't get promoted past commis during his training. He's now a phenomenal success (he owns several establishments all over the globe) and is a household name worldwide.

The most accomplished Dom/mes I know have been into the lifestyle for at least ten years, frequently 20 or more.

So, after my little rant, my advice would be to just relax, laugh a lot, don't be afraid to cry, and enjoy your journey; good things truly do come to those who wait.

Have a lovely day,

Xian

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 7:38:24 PM

joey46

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/19/2009
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Gee, I don't know Rochsub. The older I get and the more Doms/Dommes put in age limits that are younger than I, the more I lean toward figuring that a fake is better than none. Sadly, I have learned that that is not necessarily true of course.

As for "what should I do?", I agree strongly that that is so personal that to ask a group of people is at best asking for irrelevant answers.

A D/s relationship is exactly that --> a relationship, and those don't come out of the box ready to use.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/26/2010 9:23:30 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: joey46

Gee, I don't know Rochsub. The older I get and the more Doms/Dommes put in age limits that are younger than I, the more I lean toward figuring that a fake is better than none.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'd be lying if I said that I have never submitted to someone who didn't deserve my submission. Sometimes, our desire to submit can become so strong that we will submit to ANYONE. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

However, if there is one thing that I have learned in my time in BDSM, it's that D/s is primarily a mental act, not a physical act. So the mental creativity that the OP seems to be lacking is perhaps the most important thing needed to be a successful Domme.

Too often, we see these 20 year old hotties come on here and declare themselves to be Dommes. And inevitably, men drool over their pictures, and line up to submit to them. But the reality is that the hot pictures is all that they have to offer. They have no concept of the mental aspects of D/s.

Personally, I'd much rather submit to an experienced Domme who knows all the right buttons to push, than serve an inexperienced hottie whose only tool is her tight body.

(in reply to joey46)

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RE: Newbie Dom here...need advice from you sub men - 6/27/2010 10:14:06 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

I think XaviersXian said it the best "just relax, laugh a lot, don't be afraid to cry, and enjoy your journey"
As a sub there is no way I would put myself in the hands of someone who is new or does not know what they are doing, not cool.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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