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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 9:32:23 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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fast reply - I am owned because I feel owned, because HE makes me feel owned. His collar is a physical, bold reminder to ME that I am owned. It reminds me of who I am to him, what I am to him. It reminds me to remember how he sees me. It doesn't mean I am anymore owned. Truth be told I was his long before the collar. I was owned because I loved him.

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 11:01:04 PM   
LafayetteLady


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There will always be a select few who will bitch that you are dishonoring/disrespecting your partner by posting a question here. It is typically best to ignore them because that concept obviously shows a lack of understanding how the female mind works.

Many women tend to seek their girlfriend's advice about how to approach their partner with a problem to develop a sort of "game plan" for the best way to go about it. That's one of the reasons that women are much better at communicatng than men.

Communicating the problem with your partner is naturally very important, but there can be a number of different ways to go about it. Women tend to realize that getting their point across can be all in the approach and getting the advice of others on the what might be the best approach is never a bad thing. Sometimes you might even find that you are over reacting to something and your friends or others can help you realize that.

Now would it have been right if you had come on here talking about what an asshole he was? Of course not. But that isn't what you did. You didn't bad mouth him at all. You simply provided enough information about his personality to allow people to try to help you in the best way by knowing just enough to think about what approaches might work best.

Those who are constantly bitching about someone asking advice about how to approach their partner about something just seem to need to be able to bitch about something, and typically are best ignored because they add nothing useful to the conversation.

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 2:04:11 AM   
ranja


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For us:

first we liked eachother so much... that we decided to get married to make our bond legal... that is as much as our ownership over eachother is.
Before i met my Husband i never felt owned or that i 'had' somebody myself... so this ownership thing is something you have to feel inside yourselves imo.

He bought me some jewelry over the years which i use to decorate myself... it does make me think of Him and some special occasions when i wear different items, in  effect these pieces of jewelry are His mark on me... besides some inherited pieces and some things i bought myself, i have no jewelry bought for me by any other man.

As for a collar, it is very good to use for playing about, i am into a bit of humiliation at times and He likes to see it on my neck sometimes.

i like mandals too... i love His feet... especially when i am on the leash

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 2:31:57 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet
...sorry if i'm out of line laurell.



Only the mods can say if you're out of line on the boards. Only you (and anyone you give the authority to) can tell you if you are out of line beyond that in life. Are you serving her?


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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 2:33:11 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

To many elipses ; a comma would have been better.



*eta: I know the "too" is spelled wrong, but someone else corrected that!

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 6/28/2010 2:34:03 AM >


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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 2:40:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'm not suggesting you are out of line for asking for advice. Please read it again. I am saying the only people that really know the answer to these questions is (are) you and him. Take a good inventory of what you need from a dynamic/relationship and asess realistically whether you are getting that. Then talk to him. We cannot tell you why he does what he does. We cannot tell you what a collar means to him....that's my point, not that you are "out of line."

I don't believe in any dynamic that includes abandonment for "punishment" personally. I don't know the circumstances though. I'm not going to jump the gun and say anything about him. Maybe you need more attention than he can give....who knows other than you and him?

I could n't care less whether the terms "owned" or "collared" apply to my dynamic. I care whether we are both happy and getting our needs met in the relationship. Is that true for you or him? Hell if I know.

Do you see where I am going here? It's not, you're horrible for posting, it's you seem to really want us to tell you what you and he should need and want. We can't , and your ability to communicate with HIM is your greatest tool to preserve this relationship.


I figure ellipses and such are more along the lines of "poetic indulgence" rather than exact grammatical issues.


Hello Best:
I've taken a look at your profile. I notice you use the word "broken" which is a bit concerning. What sometimes happens in a dynamic such as the one you are describing is that the submissive person forgets that their own needs are to be met. It seems somehow "bad" rather than necessary. Please, don't forget that you deserve to be happy and get your own needs met. Laurel has a point there.

Best,
sunshine


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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 3:20:32 PM   
barelynangel


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To me, you can be owned without being collared however, ownership is a clear and blatant statement by the Man because of his determination. To me, this declaration and determination is what switches me from an independent person who is self-determining to a woman who is his slave. Until i understand this determination by him, i don't and won't believe myself owned or an actual slave, a collar to me is a symbol of ownership and declares who owns you. To me, mastery however, is different from ownership, someone can master you and never determine to own you. If the OP is this off balance then to me its time to talk to him because the topic wasn't what indicated issues to me, it was the WTH at the end that clearly states a loss of trust and an indication of no respect for the Master.

As for leaving a slave alone when she displeases him, well, what do you expect -- to be given attention? Why would he want a woman around him who from what you says causes him aggravation and irritation. Maybe its not punishment so to speak but simply he doesn't want a slave who can't be pleasing around him. There is nothing wrong with that, as a Master of a slave, he has a right to determine if the slave is someone he wants to be around. The op has clearly stated she misbehaves and knows this and seems to know what it is that causes this consequence, so maybe its time for a long and yes harsh talk because it doesn't seem like either of you are content and happy in the relationship -- you with your misbehavior knowing what consequences it will bring, and him with a slave he is more content and happy NOT to have around<--- this is a BIG indication to me, ones perhaps he needs to re-evaluate.

I think the OP knows where she stands, but just doesn't like where she stands. In the end, if you want to be the man's slave, then you have to ask yourself can you be the slave he demands? He will also need to ask himself this question and seriously analyze if your potential shows enough value that its more than the cost in keeping you. Now remember i speak of being a slave. If you are a sub, then it could be a different understanding.

Personally, i would not stay around for a Man who is more content to not want me around than want me around -- bad behavior and all. When someone pushes me away, i tend to walk away. But it sounds like there are issues on your end and on his end, it sounds like you both need to look at the situation. I don't see his being more or less wrong in the bits that you have provided but there sounds to be a whole hell of a lot of game playing going on. In the end, only the players can decide if they enjoy the game.

In the end a slave either trusts him or not. Period. To me, the OP has stated loud and clear what she thinks of the man she calls Master by placing her master in a situation wherein he is judged by people who have no clue about the relationship as a whole and his perception of the whole. This to me is not actions of love and respect and trust and loyalty. Because of this, it is something very important to consider in whether or not you really want that collar.

I thought i had said this but in the end, all a collar does is identify who you belong to or that you actually belong to someone. Yes, you can be owned without being collared, but to me, that needs to be very clear between the parties because many times the collar on indicates ownership. But on or off, if the declaration of ownership has been made, a collar only symbolizes it, it doesn't declare it because the understanding should already be in place.

angel

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:00:15 PM   
bestheadyet


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angel.......thought you and i had had our words about this but thats ok......i understand what you are trying to do. i have lost respect for you and found out today you are not the end all and be all of the Gorean slave world you  claim to have so much experience in.

i do not want a ww3 here on this board. you told me what you wanted to say....and turned around and happily turned the knife in my back.
the 'wth' at the end of the subject line was in the manor of the abbreviation.....wth=what the heck
as in what the heck does it mean to you. and you sprung off and try to tell me i am dishonoring my Master by asking a question and responding to other peoples posts. i have a 'wth' for you....'wth' is wrong with you that you feel it your responsibility to defend a Master you have never met?
i promise karma will find you Angel.
again many thanks for your 'input'

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:04:32 PM   
laurell3


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hahahahahah......good for you!

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:09:17 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


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From: The Great Frozen North
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I admit I love bestheadyet....oh wait wrong thread

But the sentiment stands, good for you bhy


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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:10:46 PM   
JstAnotherSub


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best, that post shows so much good about you.  Forget what anyone else defines as owned or collared or proper, and do what feels right to you.

I mean now ya have some great experience standing up for what you feel.  You are ready to face the world.

Gotta add.....your last post put the biggest grin on my face I have had in a while....

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yep

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:16:54 PM   
laurell3


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I agree. I think that's exactly what people are trying to tell you. Figure out what works for you and go get it!

Nice start....

Welcome to CM!

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:22:21 PM   
Nineveh


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I generally find that taking advice from Goreans is a poor idea, especcially Gorean females, the culture devalues female perspectives and any woman that subscribes to it doesn't value herself enough for me to put any value on anything she has to say.

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:26:26 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
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From: The Great Frozen North
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

I generally find that taking advice from Goreans is a poor idea, especcially Gorean females, the culture devalues female perspectives and any woman that subscribes to it doesn't value herself enough for me to put any value on anything she has to say.


Hey! I resemble that remark and they men I've been involved with have done anything BUT devalue what I have to say. Ditto for my fellow Gorean females. Watch it bub before I hit you over teh head with your hat.

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And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 6:27:43 PM   
Missokyst


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Nice show of backbone! Some people get off on being slavelier than thou. In my view if a guy is cowed by strangers opinions of him then he needs to work on developing some security. Attitudes like the aforementioned are exactly the reasons so many women do not leave. It is fear that the mate might be offended, take things wrong and feel threatened. PHtt. poppycock.
Might as well cut off the net, the library, the church and your family and friends cause god forbid you ask for any viewpoints from anyone!
Now.. :) take that bit of backbone and talk to your guy about what you need, and what he expects. See if you can find some common ground.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 6/28/2010 6:29:41 PM >

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 7:03:49 PM   
bestheadyet


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i had such a nice addendum....then my pc screwed up on me.


its a conspiracy i tell ya!!!!

i have a backbone........ i only use it occasionally
and after being chewed out in private this morning.....the flame came back and burned me again tonight.... how thoughtful of  Barely to do that .....if Barely's post causes my M to go away then i the relationship wasn't worth as much as i thought .
its true He and i have lots to talk about upon His resurfacing. more than i wanted to now.....thanks to the Gorean.


today im ok....my M is still MIA  today but i will be fine.....we just love who we love and when it doesnt work thats ok too.

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 7:06:08 PM   
laurell3


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Absofuckinglutely!



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 7:13:54 PM   
bestheadyet


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quote:

best, that post shows so much good about you. Forget what anyone else defines as owned or collared or proper, and do what feels right to you.

I mean now ya have some great experience standing up for what you feel. You are ready to face the world.



i feel completely better now......i might frame that lol!

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 7:20:50 PM   
bestheadyet


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quote:

Now would it have been right if you had come on here talking about what an asshole he was? Of course not. But that isn't what you did. You didn't bad mouth him at all. You simply provided enough information about his personality to allow people to try to help you in the best way by knowing just enough to think about what approaches might work best.

ty lafayette lady

ty....plus we arent publicly known on the site either.

i was stating facts about my separation ....and i am still not a fan of it.
but i'd never dishonor Him.....and i have been accused of not loving Him.....

how can anyone know what is going on when not there or even my friend?

i was in agony yesterday....today is ok/.....tomm will be even better

< Message edited by bestheadyet -- 6/28/2010 7:22:12 PM >

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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/28/2010 7:23:05 PM   
Jeffff


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Tomorrow....... is another day!


ScarletOharaDom

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