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How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 1:50:13 PM

Bubbe

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

I'm very new to this all and this is my first post here. I was just wondering how you got into the scene, it doesnt matter whether your a Dom or a sub. How did you meet your first partner etc. I just want to know if this is the right place for me to start or should I pick it up somewhere else? And of course, any advice you have to a beginner is more then welcome.
Take care,
Bubbe.

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 2:23:34 PM

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

I have always been this way, except that it took a long time before I realized that, yes, others DO want to serve, that my need to be served was not wrong as long as I found those that wanted to serve.

I spent alot of time serving others as a Dom(and yes a Dom does indeed serve the sub) and am finally at the stage of simply being served myself.

the first real joy I had was over 15 years ago when a wonderfull sub(though i didnt know she was at the time) simply began serving me, and told me "Please, let me serve you, it brings me joy"
I cried that day, never been happier, since then I have studied and learned all I can about the lifestyle.

Like many Masters, I spent most of my life pleaseing others, either by serving in work or expectations or politness, all the way to being a trainer and Dom. Now its my turn so to speak.

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 2:39:38 PM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I said something obscene..when I approached a girl on the dance floor, like "Can I tie you up and fuck you all night?"
To my surprise, she said "yes" and I didn't have to wait approval..it was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LoganStrange)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 4:15:21 PM

Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

As for me, I was somewhere between 6 and 8 and got involved in some tie-up games with some girls, became interested in electrical play after an accident gave me a taste of it when I was 10-11. Read a lot, and then when I went to college began experimenting. My first BDSM partner was a vanilla girlfriend I talked into some bondage.

My advice to anyone: Get involved in your local scene as much as possible. If you don't have a local scene, or there are security issues, get involved in the local scene somewhere else. Attend any and all workshops, classes, seminars, etc. that you can. Experience all you can.

As for whether this is the right place for you, that is mostly up to you.

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 4:22:00 PM

Posts: 47
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

I am new to this to sweetheart
3 weeks new :)
it was my first encounter then.... being mentally taken over... physically... and spiritually... even though i still hold my own thoughts and remain in "real life" as an independant working woman who does very well for herself... ive given the rest up to this lifestyle... a man...
ive never been domintated before... but i will truely say this either comes natuarally to you or it doesnt... If it doesnt feel right and you are looking for people to back you on how you feel.. then its prob not for you
I believe you must know from the first time you are with a dom... that feeling is un like anyother... and you know from that one point... there is no return ::)
good luck on your serch

(in reply to Oberonrex)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 4:22:29 PM

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oberonrex

My advice to anyone: Get involved in your local scene as much as possible. If you don't have a local scene, or there are security issues, get involved in the local scene somewhere else. Attend any and all workshops, classes, seminars, etc. that you can. Experience all you can.

i desire strongly to do this myself, but i feel like i may stick out like a sore thumb. i kind of feel stuck between worlds. It will sound so silly, but have you ever heard a mulatto person describe how they felt not accepted by either blacks or whites? i feel this way when it comes to my pratices and the scene/vanilla worlds.

my Partner and i actually started vanilla. W/we pushed mutual boundaries and it started off as bedroom play/experimentation [more on His part i think, i knew i liked it and what i liked already]

W/we were lucky and naturally evolved.

(in reply to Oberonrex)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 4:40:50 PM

Posts: 45
Status: offline

quote:

i desire strongly to do this myself, but i feel like i may stick out like a sore thumb. i kind of feel stuck between worlds. It will sound so silly, but have you ever heard a mulatto person describe how they felt not accepted by either blacks or whites? i feel this way when it comes to my pratices and the scene/vanilla worlds.

my Partner and i actually started vanilla. W/we pushed mutual boundaries and it started off as bedroom play/experimentation [more on His part i think, i knew i liked it and what i liked already]

People who attend munches regularly often tell stories of their first encounters, often running on the lines of their frightened question, "is this the mu-mu-munch?"

#1. You won't stick out in any ethical and responsible group. Most people got started just the way you did. They look just like you. At munches, even at play parties, they spend a lot of time discussing the ordinary trials of their vanilla lives, and they will take you for what you are. Most good communities are like this.

#2. If you run up against any group that affects any other behaviour, just quietly move on. These days, one can often find "munches" that are stuffed with self-importance and obsessed with silly stereotypes. In short, they act like online people, who so often feel no sense of responsibility for what they do and say. If people don't know how to act in front of the mundane world, how can you trust them to act responsibly elsewhere?

I suggest using any online resource as a backup to contact with real people. Keep in mind that 9 out of 10 people online are fantasists who can be shocked and outraged by people who actually do what we do. Make the appropriate deductions, and you can sometimes find people for whom what we do isn't fantasy.

Good luck, and be careful out there.

_____________________________

"A man who can express himself in song need not express himself in suicide."

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 4:51:59 PM

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I've always had a shy submissive nature but I didn't know how I fitted in until I met Master online and He explained all about D/s and the light finally went on

As a child I would fantasise about being tied up and controlled, even before I was sexually aware. At last I had someone to show me and teach me.

I was 45 then. A pretty late starter due to never having the opportunities to explore and experiment. I'm 47 now and well and truly the happiest I've ever been - now I know I'm not a misfit and I'm accepted and loved for what I am

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 5:04:44 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

welcome new one. Why? There aint no why...
When? there aint no when........
So you think you have nasty thoughts or some shit, is that the deal?

Sorry, I am not behind it.

When did you quit shitting your diapers?

It is like that; it is a lifelong (lifestyle is icky) thing...........

why did we get here, why are perverts on this earth? Become catholic and confess.......

Do not marvel at why, or when or where or what you are............marvel at your being.

I don't say this real well but you are kinda clever, you are gonna catch on........

you are young, get over it.....it just is. Ask questions about what you are gonna do, not why I am born this way, cause it don't happen that anyone can tell you.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 5:29:47 PM

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I had played around with it in my past. Mostly vanilla kink I would call it. I started reading different things on another board. I met my Sir on a totally unrelated topic and found he too had interest in BDSM. We spent many months discussing it and what we wanted from BDSM and each other. Now we are together and having a wonderful time exploring our Dom and submissive selves.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 9:09:38 PM

Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

this kajira welcomes you!
hehe I actually met my first partner through my brother... he came over to my house and started helping me move furniture.. he took off his shirt and my jaw just about dropped.. hehe I asked him about it.. and he told me to come over to his house that evening and find out for myself... Once there I found out what a flogger was and how it tasted and was forever hooked.
you can learn many things from the people here, most are very kind when people ask questions.
~kajira girl

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 9:35:11 PM

Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i desire strongly to do this myself, but i feel like i may stick out like a sore thumb. i kind of feel stuck between worlds. It will sound so silly, but have you ever heard a mulatto person describe how they felt not accepted by either blacks or whites? i feel this way when it comes to my pratices and the scene/vanilla worlds.
my Partner and i actually started vanilla. W/we pushed mutual boundaries and it started off as bedroom play/experimentation [more on His part i think, i knew i liked it and what i liked already]
W/we were lucky and naturally evolved.

this girl completely understands where you are comming from. she was raised on a reservation, by the medicine woman, being trained as a shaman.
this girl is albino and when her grandmother passed away, the band members told this girl, "go away white girl, you are not natural."
this girl is cherokee, not caucasion, she is just rather pale.
the white community thought this girl strange in her beliefs and rituals, so she was not accepted there either.
she is a very lucky slave as she has found her One True Master and He is BIA Cherokee and accepts His pet as she is.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/14/2006 10:49:33 PM

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

I remember having rather deviant thoughts as early as age eight. My mom always said I was strange <lol>. My cousin used to tie me to his treehouse and we'd play punching games when I was 11. I started reading anything I could find when I was 16. Then when I was 22, I started dating a guy who I thought was nilla (even though I didnt know that term at the time) and to my suprise, three months into dating and countless discussions on my inability to have an orgasm, I found myself tied up on the living room floor to my couch begging to be untied. We had never discussed my fantasies/thoughts/dreams . . . it just happened!
Though it has been years since that first, I didn't become involved within the BDSM community with munches/events/demos/workshops/presentations until about four years ago.
Although online forums are sometimes informative and a good way to get general info, I agree with Oberonrex - get involved with the local groups in your area and attend as many functions as your time allows. Meeting other people in the lifestyle is the best way to start.

Respectfully,
enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to MLskajira)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/15/2006 11:49:36 AM

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i desire strongly to do this myself, but i feel like i may stick out like a sore thumb. i kind of feel stuck between worlds. It will sound so silly, but have you ever heard a mulatto person describe how they felt not accepted by either blacks or whites? i feel this way when it comes to my pratices and the scene/vanilla worlds.
my Partner and i actually started vanilla. W/we pushed mutual boundaries and it started off as bedroom play/experimentation [more on His part i think, i knew i liked it and what i liked already]
W/we were lucky and naturally evolved.

this girl completely understands where you are comming from. she was raised on a reservation, by the medicine woman, being trained as a shaman.
this girl is albino and when her grandmother passed away, the band members told this girl, "go away white girl, you are not natural."
this girl is cherokee, not caucasion, she is just rather pale.
the white community thought this girl strange in her beliefs and rituals, so she was not accepted there either.
she is a very lucky slave as she has found her One True Master and He is BIA Cherokee and accepts His pet as she is.

that must have been very hard for you and my heart goes out with a thousand hugs and kisses. i am glad you have found someone to accept you.

(in reply to MLskajira)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/16/2006 12:01:13 AM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

The very best piece of advice I have is GO SLOW, BE PATIENT, EDUCATE YOURSELF, READ, READ, and then READ some more about the lifestyle and the dynamics within it. Be equipped with knowledge and have a support system in place to help you along the way. If you can, get a mentor who you can run things by and see if they seem ok or if there are any red flags that you should be wary of.

I met my Master (we work in the same field in the same town) and during our first conversation, I "came out" that I felt no shame in wanting to have a more traditional relationship, where the man was the dominant (yet loving and protective) figure, and where I could be the submissive (and supportive) one, who also had a great deal of brains and love to add to the mix. I had no idea that Master was into BDSM and that I had used two of the "buzzwords" (dominant and submissive) in our chatting, LOL. I was just a vanilla girl who was tired of trying to fit my "square peg" ideas (as I thought them to be) into a round hole. Luckily, I chanced upon someone who shared my "square peg" ideas as well as my secret kink tendencies that were never really tapped into before I met Him.

Embrace what you have found to complete who you are. But I cannot emphasize it enough, go slowly into these (for you, right now) unchartered waters. There are a lot of really good and amazing people out there who will help you along the way.

Good luck, ask questions, read, ask more questions, and be safe and happy...
Daddysredhead

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/16/2006 10:21:47 PM

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

Me and my then "vanilla" GF were walking down the street, just talking,
She stops, looks up at me, blushes,
"can you do something for me?"
*shrug*
"depends on what it is."
"can you pull my hair and kiss me"
One week later she is named My Kitten. One month later she is collared and we are engaged.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/16/2006 10:36:45 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

First BDSM partner? Online through a mutual friend.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/17/2006 12:26:59 PM

Ceyx

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I've always had dominant sexual fantasies, but I didn't start talking openly about them until I'd gotten to know miss, about a year ago. We met and became friends in a vanilla setting. Since that time, we've gradually come to explore D/s together; she became my submissive, and then-- at her motion, and after we discussed it and took ample time for reflection-- my slave. For me, it was all about meeting the right person first. We have a unique relationship, for which I'm very grateful; I didn't 'go looking,' but rather grew into it with someone I love and respect.

(in reply to Bubbe)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/17/2006 4:56:37 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

May I just add one thing? I agree, why ask "why" but then again, it is the constant questioning of ourselves that moves us as a society along.

_____________________________

"Just shut up and enjoy the ride."

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: How did it all start for you? - 4/17/2006 5:01:00 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

welcome new one. Why? There aint no why...
When? there aint no when........
So you think you have nasty thoughts or some shit, is that the deal?

Sorry, I am not behind it.

When did you quit shitting your diapers?

It is like that; it is a lifelong (lifestyle is icky) thing...........

why did we get here, why are perverts on this earth? Become catholic and confess.......

Do not marvel at why, or when or where or what you are............marvel at your being.

I don't say this real well but you are kinda clever, you are gonna catch on........

you are young, get over it.....it just is. Ask questions about what you are gonna do, not why I am born this way, cause it don't happen that anyone can tell you.

Ron

I should have prefaced my last reply with the above! Very new. 'nuff said!

_____________________________

"Just shut up and enjoy the ride."

(in reply to mnottertail)

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