RE: Does collaring always have to be significant?

RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (Full Version)

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KariCloud -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/1/2010 12:53:09 PM)
I bought my first collar when I was too young to go into a sex store, and had never had any relationship much less a D/s one. And yes, I wore it. I love collars, and I don't think I ought to limit myself to only enjoying them when the perfect people come along, see me as the angel they have been waiting for, and collar me. That could be a long wait, after all. I've also worn what some might consider "protection collars", from close friends who were attending a non-vanilla event with me. If I make "can't speak" signs and point to the collar, BDSM folks generally can understand it as "She can't speak/has been ordered not to speak" and understand my silence without getting offended (typically). There is also the added benefit that even many creeps didn't try to hit on me. The entire goal was for me, and the friends I was with, to be able to enjoy the evening with minimal upset and discomfort, and for that it worked well. I only wish there was as convenient a way to explain away my silence in vanilla settings! I get really tired of "explaining myself" to people over and over and over and over... Whatever a collar means is as individual as the people using them. I don't see any right or wrong way to use them, they are just a symbol.

Nineveh -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/1/2010 12:56:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: monochromaniac quote: I do have to wonder though, if it is not a sign of a deep commitment to you, and you are not a fan of formality (the ceremony is certainly a big part of why some people do collars) then why do you want one? (or two, I suppose in this case) It IS a sign of commitment to us, just not as deep as others'. Neither of us want to make a lifelong promise to each other just yet, but it doesn't mean we don't want to promise to protect, care for, and belong wholeheartedly for the other and have a collar as a symbol of that. I don't really understand why the ceremony is a large part. Maybe you and I have different ideas of what a ceremony entails, but the sort of thing Aileen mentioned is what I'd like to do (probably without the beating, though!). A session where one is dominated to the point of feeling completely owned. That, to me, would put me in the mindset of owning and being owned more than a ceremony ever could. It doesn't have to be for you. Some people are very into ceremony, other people are not.

ShoreBound149 -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/1/2010 2:32:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bestheadyet woooooooooooo got a video of the event????(wink) Heh.....no chance.......I didn't listen too much as a teenager....ok not at all......but for some reason 6 months before he died....at my high school graduation.....My uncle Frank pulled me aside and said, "Remember, have fun...never be a rat.....and no pictures".

CreativeDominant -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/6/2010 7:19:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure.... But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/6/2010 7:30:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure.... But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it. I do admit it CD (smooches and welcome back btw) and in both cases it is a case of incompatibility and/or it wasn't discussed and there shouldn't have been a collaring in the first place

CreativeDominant -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/6/2010 7:36:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth Oddly enough, sometimes the collar means everything to the subbie/slave and fuck all to the Dom which is odd since he's the one who collared her. Go figure.... But you have to admit that goes both ways...sometimes the collar means everything to the dominant and fuck all to the subbie/slave which is odd in that she accepted it and the conditions that go along with it. I do admit it CD (smooches and welcome back btw) and in both cases it is a case of incompatibility and/or it wasn't discussed and there shouldn't have been a collaring in the first place Thanks girl...~smooches back~.

SirJ40 -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/8/2010 7:28:33 AM)
Like everything else here, it's up to you and what you feel. For us, it was definitely a significant thing, and it's important every time I lock it on. In the case of secondaries that I've had, it would denote commitment to each other, but the "level" of that will depend on the sub involved. I haven't handed out a second one yet, but it might happen yet. The big thing is that both of you enjoy whatever the dynamic you create with it.

IM4apprenticeBch -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/8/2010 3:14:55 PM)
It depends on how much the collar is worth some subs just wear it for play to other people it has a more of a meaning so it actually depends on the people involved.

porcelaine -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/8/2010 4:31:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: monochromaniac How significant is collaring to you and what does it mean, if anything? Does it seem like a natural progression in a relationship, or is it more like a physical reminder of the power exchange taking place? To you, is collaring something that is/should be restricted to straight D/s relationships, such as Master/slave, or can it be used in any relationship that has a power exchange going on? In other words, do you think only people who identify as slaves (or subs) can be collared? monochromaniac, My opinion of collars is largely relegated as a symbol of the commitment shared between the dominant and submissive. That's the extent of it in my mind. I make no assumptions of lifelong obligations and I most certainly don't compare it to being married. While it may represent longevity in the bearers mind, it is an agreement one can easily step away from if the desire exists. We're not legally tied. I would gather if the individual wished to have a permanent bond he would utilize the methods that make the latter a possibility. I'm specifically referencing the men I encounter that are single and unattached. Different rules apply for married persons or those in poly dynamics, neither which I engage. I don't have a laundry list of guidelines that I adhere to in terms of collaring. I can only speak for my dynamics and I have a real problem applying my standards to other people's relationships. However, it's my belief that both parties should be invested in the relationship and have time under the belt operating as Master and slave. Since the typical interpretation of collaring suggests permanency, I would gather that we're moving towards or currently involved in a 24/7 situation that allows for furtherance in the relationship. The collar is a constant reminder of ones tether. It's my belief that is heavily strengthened with daily interactions that allow each person to illustrate what that means. I have a noticeable preference for receiving such when we're residing together. ~porcelaine

citizen912 -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 8:30:45 AM)
porcelaine, that is one of the best posts I have read. Yes it is something special between the individuals but there is no promise of long term as such just the presence of them in your every moment. I like that symbolism. Maybe one day I shall be having the choice to make, I hope so.

porcelaine -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 8:48:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: citizen912 porcelaine, that is one of the best posts I have read. Yes it is something special between the individuals but there is no promise of long term as such just the presence of them in your every moment. I like that symbolism. Maybe one day I shall be having the choice to make, I hope so. citizen912, Thank you for the compliment. I would rather have the ring as opposed to the collar in all truth. That's a recognized symbol and measure of investment in the relationship. While it offers no guarantees, it indicates the individual is willing to take the leap and legally attach himself to me. In terms of dynamics where the cessation of earnings or other large sacrifices would be in play, it's almost mandatory in my mind. However, the collar can be a notable step in the direction. Best of luck. ~porcelaine

Spyke1985 -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 9:09:01 AM)
While we all have our preferences for what a collar means to us, in my relationship, it is much like a wedding band, in that it is a commitment to each other that is solid, that we can touch and wear and see, and that has a special significance to us both. We collared each other, though I am the more dominant of the two of us, I am a switch, so it fits for us. I won't repeat what everyone else has said, since there's no need to, but it's more about what your personal interpretation of what a collar means to you than anything else. That's my two cents. ~Spyke~

citizen912 -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 11:24:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine citizen912, Thank you for the compliment. I would rather have the ring as opposed to the collar in all truth. That's a recognized symbol and measure of investment in the relationship. While it offers no guarantees, it indicates the individual is willing to take the leap and legally attach himself to me. In terms of dynamics where the cessation of earnings or other large sacrifices would be in play, it's almost mandatory in my mind. However, the collar can be a notable step in the direction. Best of luck. ~porcelaine Well, I would hope that with time and growth the two could be in the offing. Having been married for many years until recently I am hesitant to go down the ring route but one can never say never.

Arpig -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 2:11:02 PM)
Simple answer....Nope

porcelaine -> RE: Does collaring always have to be significant? (7/9/2010 2:15:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: citizen912 Well, I would hope that with time and growth the two could be in the offing. Having been married for many years until recently I am hesitant to go down the ring route but one can never say never. citizen912, That's a positive mindset to embrace. Hopefully the future provides opportunities that allow you explore the fullness an appropriate pairing can offer. ~porcelaine

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