why has it been so hard for me?

why has it been so hard for me? (Full Version)

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BloodRayvyn -> why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 6:50:41 PM)
Why is so hard to find a female who wants to be dominated by females. Why is it that so many women believe males to be the dominant sex, even if they say they will submit to a female. I don't get it. Yes, I know I have only been here for a few days, and I have been bitching a lot but it's something I am serious about. In addition to which, I have been looking for some time now for a woman, so I am a little frustrated, I admit. Plus, I am jealous that my friend gets hundreds of emails a day while I am lucky to get one a day. Please enlighten me if you have answers. If possible, please refrain from harsh criticism; my spirits are low.

MsLadySue -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 7:16:26 PM)
Good evening BloodRayvyn. I looked at your profile and my thought on why you are having problems getting emails is your 'Curious About" list. You have so many bdsm activities listed there - this comes across as you have little or no experience as a dominant. Perhaps you could provide a little more detail about the toys you collect. Toys to me are floggers, etc yet to others they are dildos and other sexual use toys. If you are seeking a bedroom partner then it would be best to state that. If tying up or flogging the female partner is your thing then it would be a good idea to mention what she has to look forward too. Just my 2 cents worth. I wish you luck in your search.

Plasticine -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 7:29:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BloodRayvyn Why is it that so many women believe males to be the dominant sex, even if they say they will submit to a female. Biology. Sorry to break it to you but the dominant male is this most dominant of the species. If you are looking at degrees of dominance, and degrees of submission it matters little. But if you want pure animal dominance and you aren't a lesbian, men are a better bet. I've met some amazingly dominant gay females who carry it with gravitas, but you still can't beat biology. Not to say that there aren't the rare statistical outliers; Archetypal logic still applies. Maybe your problem is trying to turn bi- girls gay.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 7:38:58 PM)
Hi BloodRayvyn, I also had a look at your profile...along with your forum postings. MsLadySue is right, you seem to be a bit all over the place in regards to bdsm activities/interests. That isn't bad, in and of itself, but it does, in my opinion, give the reader the impression that you're as new to topping as you say in the written part of your profile. That can be a turn-off for some folks...the idea of being a "crash test dummy". That being said, please don't take out the part about not having the opportunity as it shows a realness that is a very good thing. You also mention that eventually you want to involve your boyfriend in some way which might not be what some women want. Just a thought. My suggestion? As far as online goes, chill out a bit. Let people here on the forums get to know who you are. Let your profile reflect what you want and what you have to offer. Be patient...some of us have been here for a very long time...Rome wasn't built in a day and it may take awhile for your unicorn to appear. Offline....get out into your local community. New York is crawling with options, have a look at these links.... http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgsnewyork.html and http://www.tes.org/main.php Did I mention having patience? Welcome and good luck!

BloodRayvyn -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 8:24:46 PM)
Thank you all very much for the information and feedback. Everyone said something helpful and I intend on taking your words seriously. Jocelyn

laurell3 -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 8:59:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine quote: ORIGINAL: BloodRayvyn Why is it that so many women believe males to be the dominant sex, even if they say they will submit to a female. Biology. Sorry to break it to you but the dominant male is this most dominant of the species. If you are looking at degrees of dominance, and degrees of submission it matters little. But if you want pure animal dominance and you aren't a lesbian, men are a better bet. I've met some amazingly dominant gay females who carry it with gravitas, but you still can't beat biology. Not to say that there aren't the rare statistical outliers; Archetypal logic still applies. Maybe your problem is trying to turn bi- girls gay. Haha I don't know about all that superiority bullshit, but he has a point, if they are saying that they prefer men, you are targeting the wrong audience. There are women out there that submit to women, I think the problem again is a numbers game, women can pick whom they want and afford to be picky because of the numbers, patience is very much a virtue in that regard.

Plasticine -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 9:03:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Haha I don't know about all that superiority bullshit, but he has a point, if they are saying that they prefer men, you are targeting the wrong audience. There are women out there that submit to women, I think the problem again is a numbers game, women can pick whom they want and afford to be picky because of the numbers, patience is very much a virtue in that regard. Its not superiority. Nowhere did I say that dominance is better than submissiveness they are equal, yin and yang.

Ligeia72 -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 10:13:47 PM)
You could try perhaps looking for someone who is looking more to be Topped, but could be open to more D/s type stuff down the track to start off with. That might broaden your field a little bit. [:)]

dreamerdreaming -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/1/2010 11:52:32 PM)
You probably lose droves of women the minute you mention possibly bringing in your boyfriend. Do a search here about looking for a unicorn, and you'll see how elusive that kind of woman can be. And as others note: you've been here less than a week! Take your time, and be patient. My slaveboy searched for decades, to find me. Good luck!

allthatjaz -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 1:55:49 AM)
If a woman prefers a man to dominate her then she's going to look for a man and its unlikely a dominant woman can make her change her mind. If a female is looking to be dominated by a female then she won't go looking for a man. If she is open to either then your going to need that something extra that catches her attention. During my time on the scene I have had 5 females for myself and 3 females that I have shared with my partner. It helps that we go out and are seen in public and I think it also helps that I am a known person on the UK scene. We met one woman off here but briefly spoke to about a dozen. Sit back, relax and let them come to you [;)]

allthatjaz -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 3:05:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Biology. Sorry to break it to you but the dominant male is this most dominant of the species. If you are looking at degrees of dominance, and degrees of submission it matters little. But if you want pure animal dominance and you aren't a lesbian, men are a better bet. I've met some amazingly dominant gay females who carry it with gravitas, but you still can't beat biology. Not to say that there aren't the rare statistical outliers; Archetypal logic still applies. Maybe your problem is trying to turn bi- girls gay. I don't think that dominance is defined by sex but by personality. Why would men be a better bet for a sub who is looking for pure animal instinct? Men may have the strength to physically fight in the battle fields and assert their physical dominance but women such as Boadicea can lead wars and conquer nations [;)]

BloodRayvyn -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 9:58:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine Biology. Sorry to break it to you but the dominant male is this most dominant of the species. If you are looking at degrees of dominance, and degrees of submission it matters little. But if you want pure animal dominance and you aren't a lesbian, men are a better bet. I've met some amazingly dominant gay females who carry it with gravitas, but you still can't beat biology. Not to say that there aren't the rare statistical outliers; Archetypal logic still applies. Maybe your problem is trying to turn bi- girls gay. I don't think that dominance is defined by sex but by personality. Why would men be a better bet for a sub who is looking for pure animal instinct? Men may have the strength to physically fight in the battle fields and assert their physical dominance but women such as Boadicea can lead wars and conquer nations [;)] Good example allthatjaz. Boedicea was awesome. I wrote a song about her for my graduation from high school.

SirsJewel -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 10:06:05 AM)
i have read a few posts and confidence in a dominant is key. Big turn off for a submissive is a dom/domme whining they cant get what they want or are looking for. A positive mindset to "lead" and not just sexually but in all areas of life is usually best. Good luck,learn.learn, learn, enjoy ~ jewels

gedienstig -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 2:08:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Plasticine quote: ORIGINAL: BloodRayvyn Why is it that so many women believe males to be the dominant sex, even if they say they will submit to a female. Biology. Sorry to break it to you but the dominant male is this most dominant of the species. If you are looking at degrees of dominance, and degrees of submission it matters little. But if you want pure animal dominance and you aren't a lesbian, men are a better bet. I've met some amazingly dominant gay females who carry it with gravitas, but you still can't beat biology. Not to say that there aren't the rare statistical outliers; Archetypal logic still applies. Maybe your problem is trying to turn bi- girls gay. Could be because I'm not a dom, but I would say that in nature, we males are getting our ass kicked pretty hard, going from the locust/black widow eating her partner after sex, to the sea horse staying with the eggs, to the female hyena's eating first in the pack, usually women are the dominant species. But because of man-built society we evolved into the dominant species according to our society, although I don't think it is biology (although lions are also male dominated). But I think BloodRayvyn's problem more lies in the fact that there are less lesbian than straight women. Also, you have the disadvantage of already having a boyfriend I think. Women who want to be dominated also often want this in a relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: your profile please don't be a greedy little bitch This is also perhaps not the best way to immediately call possible candidates. I know you're asking them not to be one, but still, it could be described a little harsh. Can't believe this is the second person today I'm telling not to use the word "bitch" in their profile if they're serious about getting responses.

Nehemiah -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 4:41:13 PM)
It seems that it's always the first that is the hardest. I have certain fetishes and never met any women into it. But as soon as I met that first one, all the others just flooded in. It just requires patience until that first one comes along, then you'll be knee deep in whatever interests you.

Plasticine -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 4:45:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gedienstig Could be because I'm not a dom, but I would say that in nature, we males are getting our ass kicked pretty hard, going from the locust/black widow eating her partner after sex, to the sea horse staying with the eggs, to the female hyena's eating first in the pack, usually women are the dominant species. But because of man-built society we evolved into the dominant species according to our society, although I don't think it is biology (although lions are also male dominated). You've left out the crux. The animals with the closest common ancestor to humans are the Apes.. Ape societies are organized naturally under strict paternal hierarchies. In Gorillas for example the Razorback is not only supremely dominant over his group, he actually undergoes some physiological changes as a result of being the leader. That is the origin of "human nature" and why human males are naturally more dominant. As for Bodicea or Joan of Arc or what have you... I did account for statistical outliers, but I might offer that in humans raw animal dominance does not necessarily equal great leadership skills. I suspect that in humans those who are in possession of raw dominant or submissive predilection are not the brightest bulbs in our collective shed. Leadership requires dominance, but it also requires immense social skills and critical thinking abilities.

Plasticine -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/2/2010 5:02:56 PM)
sry.dblpst.

Andalusite -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/5/2010 9:22:49 AM)
As soon as I expressed an interest in finding someone to bottom to me, and occasionally my then-Master, I had someone express an interest. She and I are still playing together. I was very up-front that while I had a lot of experience as a Domme and as a Top, I'd been in a relationship as a submissive for 3 years, so was a bit rusty. I was able to get back into the "swing of things" quickly, and we've also explored some forms of play I hadn't tried before, or had only experimented with in a class or with supervision from a more experienced Top once or twice years before. I've had several other women express an interest, both while my former Master and I were still together, and now that I'm single, but I don't feel any need for another casual playpartner. Dreamer and BonesFromAsh, I agree that some women don't want to play with couples or women who are in relationships, but I had the impression that it was difficult for couples to find another relationship partner, but that finding someone for casual play wasn't nearly as difficult.

SincerelySub01 -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/11/2010 6:09:45 PM)
wow... I would spend more time in chatrooms and try to start off with the other intrest

ErrynRed -> RE: why has it been so hard for me? (7/17/2010 6:30:23 PM)
I know how that is. You'll have better luck looking in the bisexual subs area, most of the females I've "played" with have been Bisexual subs.

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