Would someone please explain to me.. (Full Version)

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Firebirdseeking -> Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 1:52:49 PM)

and I dont mean to be "ageist" or heaven forbid, politically incorrect with this question - but how does a 19 or 20 year call themselves a dominant or master, or a slave? This is a serious question, folks - I realize that some of us have always known we were/are different, but ...?



LadyPact -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 1:56:04 PM)

Simple answer.  They are actually living within a M/s dynamic.  That applies to either side of the kneel.  If they aren't, it is most likely the wrong label for them as they haven't had the experience of participating in such a dynamic.  No different than someone who has never been married who calls themselves a spouse.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:00:39 PM)

Its an orientation.

A 19 year-old dom calling themselves a master seems premature of course, but D/s, M/s etc. is an orientation. Therefore the terms involved are legitimate descriptors, in general.

Everyone has to start somewhere.



Missokyst -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:06:15 PM)

the stuff that was said above me and..
When I was young, the men in my life did call the shots. At 25 I dated a 21 yr old and wowie.. he was definitely in charge. If I see someone now who is 19 and I compare it to the stuff I know now, no way could he master me.



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:07:58 PM)

For some reason I have more of a problem with someone of that age calling himself Dom or Master than slave. TO ME it takes time and experience to become either of those



juliaoceania -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:14:34 PM)

I do not think age means anything in regard to people knowing what their orientation is...

That being said I am slightly ageist in thinking about what sort of relationships are healthy for people when they are first starting out. I think that experience matters in picking out relationships that are healthy and productive. There is an epidemic of young people choosing significant others that are abusive, and when you combine that with the parameters of what goes into many BDSM inspired relationships, well the potential for abuse is even greater in my estimation....

I suppose this is why large age differences between teenagers and their partners concern me more than any other sort of configuration I see on these boards. I just think that a person that is vastly more experienced than another is a situation that is ripe to produce abuse, not that it always will, but the potential for it goes way up.


Not that what I think on the subject matters at all.... once someone is a legal adult they are free to make their own choices, adopt their own labels, and conduct their relationships with whomever they deem a good fit... and if they screw up that mistake will just be woven into the tapestry of their lives. The wondrous thing about achieving adulthood, we get the freedom to make the mistakes we want, and no one should deprive us of that.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:16:01 PM)

This site doesn't allow for "top" and "bottom" as orientations.



juliaoceania -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:17:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

This site doesn't allow for "top" and "bottom" as orientations.


This site may not allow for it, isn't it a good thing that life does?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:18:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

This site doesn't allow for "top" and "bottom" as orientations.


This site may not allow for it, isn't it a good thing that life does?



Ain't it though!! [8D] We can be ANYTHING we want to call ourselves!!



gungadin09 -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:27:30 PM)

i guess i don't really understand the difference between Master/Dom/Top and slave/sub/bottom. By "orientation" do you mean that a Master is just born a Master, and a slave is born a slave? i'm used to those terms being used to define the relationship between two people, not who we are in an absolute sense. Like, "i am Daniel's slave" or "He is my Master". In other words, i am a slave to Him, and He is a Master to me. Not to everyone. Towards other people, we might act totally differently. At work, i am NOT submissive. And He does not dominate everyone He meets. (i'm not currently in a relationship. i'm talking about an ex)

i thought that the term "Master", as a general title in the community, had to be earned by years of experience, like a black belt in karate. i didn't know there were beginning Masters. i would have smiled at the idea of an 18 year old Master, too. i'm probably being really ignorant. Help me out here.

pam



juliaoceania -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:30:10 PM)

I think that people have a combination nurture/nature towards these things, and that is a different thread....


The type of relationship orientation you have is something that is not reliant on age... whatever label you want to apply to it



Zevar -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:36:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

and I dont mean to be "ageist" or heaven forbid, politically incorrect with this question - but how does a 19 or 20 year call themselves a dominant or master, or a slave? This is a serious question, folks - I realize that some of us have always known we were/are different, but ...?


This question is IMO likened to much like becoming a man at the age of 18, legally speaking. However the ongoing process of learning of manhood surely does constitute a more assured level of maturity, that is as a man decides to learn from living life as a man. AND even then not every man learns like the next man does. Individuality plays a major role in the identification of a man and how he defines himself as a master.

Dominance on the other hand IMO is relevant and natural to being a man. Not a particular manner in how a man relates circumstantially. Instead manhood much like mastery is a daily lived and learned art. It becomes more refined with age and experience. It is the applicable continuity of mastery or dominance that can be questionable at the age of 18 or so as there has not been enough experience to have sharpened the ability that a man is capable of doing as he lives life longer. It is a fact that not every man is alike. Therefore to each man his own.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:39:03 PM)

By orientation, I mean its just the way you are, inside. Its what floats your boat. What fulfills you. How it feels right, for you to be. Its not necessarily set in stone, for everyone.



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:40:35 PM)

~FR~

At 18 I knew that Dominant was something that I was. It was how I was wired, It was how I carried myself. I was how I addressed the world around me.

At 20 I had a slave who called me a Master, I never called myself a Master and never have, Master is not something I can claim for myself and personally isn't a title that can be given to anyone from anyone other than the submissive in their collar at the time.

I don't care what some group title you have been awarded the only person actually qualified to call you Master in my opinion is the one who has surrendered to you.

My current submissive calls me "Honey Bear" I perfer that to Master, Lord, Sir any day.

I feel that people but far to much into what someone knows when it comes to how they identify. How they identify only applies to me when I engage them in my dynamic. So the Guys who call themselves LORD so and so, or MasterBigBalls or MistressDivine or SirGalahad, I have no issue with that name, chances are I won't engage in their need to fluff the ego, I will neglect to add the Lord, Master, Mistress, or Sir because they are not those things to me. They are welcome to call themselves whatever they want.

I at times call myself the Queen Of Sheba, or Fred.

It's fun to do.... Try it sometime.

QSM



MagisterCapto -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:41:21 PM)

First of all, I'd assume everyone is born with atleast some form of orientation.
More importantly though, never once in my admittedly less then 21 years of live, have I encountered any profession or field of knowledge, where this experience everyone regards so highly, could not, to an vast extend, be replaced by creativity and mental capabilities. And of course, in your argument, you assume that actual, biological and mental age are identical (which evidentally, they pretty much never are).
(Sorry to get a little worked up, but then the prejudice, that you can't be good at something, without having experience, or 'proper education, is one I've been encountering, and prooving wrong, my whole life.)



gungadin09 -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:47:31 PM)

Sorry, i don't mean to hijack the thread. If this post is really beside the point, then i'll drop it. But the question i was trying to ask was whether D/s is an orientation/temprament or a behavior, not whether it is nature or nurture. If "Mastery" (or whatever it's called) is an orientation, then everyone with that orientation deserves the title "Master", regardless of age or level of experience. If it is a behavior, then they are learning it by degrees and by practice, and it's logical to think that a person would have to attain a certain degree of "Mastery" before they earn the title of "Master". i wasn't asserting that it's one or the other. i was just asking. i am new to this. i don't have a clear idea that the term "Master" means.

pam



MissAmaranth -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:53:23 PM)

because some of us are very aware of who we are at fairly young ages.

It really annoys me when people tell me I don't really know who I am or what I want just because I am only 20.



gungadin09 -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 2:54:28 PM)

i didn't say that at all.

pam



MissAmaranth -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 3:05:19 PM)

I know you didn't, I was just speaking in general terms. :-)

J. x



gungadin09 -> RE: Would someone please explain to me.. (7/4/2010 3:08:31 PM)

It sounds like most people agree that D/s is an orientation. Therefore, anyone with that orientation deserves the title "Master", "Dom", Sub", "slave", whatever, as soon as they decide that the word applies to them.

pam



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