RE: To those of you who have children.... (Full Version)

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submissivemale22 -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 11:54:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Except..........no one chooses to be gay and no one chooses to be submissive.

It's just one of those things you either are or not. If my son were gay or submissive I would want him to live a life in which he chose to live his authentic life. Not pretending to be straight or dominant because he thought I, or anyone else, expected that of him. Or god forbid, that he thought I would be disappointed in him or think less of him!



You need not be disappointed in him to be disappointed for him.


Give me one good reason, why on earth I would be either.



An exponentially decreased pool of partners to select from, and thus a correspondingly high likelihood of lonliness?

if you require more, there are numerous others (and i am intimately familiar with them). short of that, lets get this thread back on track...



AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 11:58:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

An exponentially decreased pool of partners to select from, and thus a correspondingly high likelihood of lonliness?


This is actually a very good point.... I don't think I would be disappointed for them, I would suggest as was suggested to me that they try some vanilla dating, but if they are like me it would not work and there would be even more depressing situations when a relationship fails, further proving that you are what you are and that small dating pool starts to get smaller and smaller.

Now when you find the right partner it al changes but I remember being alone at very young ages because I knew what I was and wouldn't budge on that. It resulted in many lonely nights, and a Highschool live nearly void of any dating at all.

QSM



LadyCimarron -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:01:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Except..........no one chooses to be gay and no one chooses to be submissive.

It's just one of those things you either are or not. If my son were gay or submissive I would want him to live a life in which he chose to live his authentic life. Not pretending to be straight or dominant because he thought I, or anyone else, expected that of him. Or god forbid, that he thought I would be disappointed in him or think less of him!



You need not be disappointed in him to be disappointed for him.


Give me one good reason, why on earth I would be either.



An exponentially decreased pool of partners to select from, and thus a correspondingly high likelihood of lonliness?


I would think if his mother is a Dominant female, she could help him and give him advice that would put him way ahead of the rest of the pool of sub males out there.



LaTigresse -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:02:31 PM)

I gave an answer........if my answer was not what you wanted to read........if my answer does not fulfill your own masochistic needs because of your own issues........too bad.

When my daughter came to me and told me she thought she was gay because boys were gross, I took her seriously. I would be lying if I said I was not concerned. As a very protective mother, of course I was concerned. I know some of the issues she would likely deal with. But most of all I really seriously wanted my daughter to love someone that loved her. I wanted her to be in a relationship that was a positive loving one. I wanted her to be in a relationship that made her life better rather than worse. The gender of the person she was in the relationship with guaranteed none of those things........either the existence of, or lack of.

My daughter ended up not being gay, just a typical confused teen. She is now in a very loving and fulfilling relationship that just happens to be hetro and very likely very vanilla in most ways. I would be just as thrilled if it were a lesbian M/s relationship that she was equally as happy in.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:05:52 PM)

So... the OP wants to hear from bad mothers? [8|]



LaTigresse -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:07:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

An exponentially decreased pool of partners to select from, and thus a correspondingly high likelihood of loneliness?

if you require more, there are numerous others (and i am intimately familiar with them). short of that, lets get this thread back on track...


As opposed to the loneliness he feels now?

Not knowing you personally but from what I have seen and heard, most submissive men are their own worst enemies when it comes to their lack of romantic companionship. Their submission nature is the least of their problems.

LadyHib, I believe so. I may be way off base but I wonder if this isn't an example of personal issues driving a generic question. "My mommy and/or daddy have treated me like shit and I believe it is because I am submissive, so I want other mommies and daddies to say they would treat their kid like shit so I can tell them they are shitty mommies and daddies!!!"



sirsholly -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:08:40 PM)

quote:

An exponentially decreased pool of partners to select from, and thus a correspondingly high likelihood of lonliness?
Loneliness happens to us all, no matter what the orientation.
If he is honest and true to himself, happy and content with who he is, he will probably be someone others want to be around. Granted, friends do not equate to a partnership, but they make loneliness far less painful. 



MissSepphora1 -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:10:49 PM)

My 18 yo son is gay, but I've known for a long time... a long, long time that he would grow up gay. So when he came out i asked... what took you so long? So no, no disappointment. I expected it.
I also have a feeling my daughters will both be dominant, but not quite sure yet.
Their sexuality is not what I would be disappointed about. There are many other things that would disappoint me more.



EquineMistress -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:11:58 PM)

My children are still very young, but I can honestly say, at this point, that we are trying to raise them in the knowledge of nature. That some are leaders, some are followers and some fluctuate between the two AND that none of these people are better than the other. A leader is nothing without a follower and a follower is lost when alone...

Whether they grow to lead, follow, or both, will be their life, their options, their issues. All I can do as a loving mother is help them find value in themselves and who they are. I would rather they know their own responses, so they can find compatible relationships.

To me, it has nothing with right or wrong, kink or vanilla, sex or not - it has to do with... compatibility. As long as they find joy and completion and provide the same in their partner, what else matters?

Looking back I have always been drawn to alpha males and I wish I had known, especially as a teen, that it was ok to be the beta in a relationship. I don't think that has anthing to do with me being female, only with me being... natural.



LadyPact -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:14:15 PM)

I've written about this topic prior.  It's buried somewhere in the archives and I'm too lazy to look for it.

My daughter actually did come to Me at one point to tell Me that she was seeing someone who was interested in "all this" and she was interested in submission.  I wasn't disappointed at all, nor was I surprised.  She has always been the type who was more likely to follow than lead.  I was a little concerned that the guy would possibly be sadistic and probably didn't have a clue about it.  I was more worried about him actually harming her in that case because she is absolutely not a masochist.  There might have been a little apprehension about that in particular. 

Other than that, I think My response was, so what else is new?



submissivemale22 -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:57:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So... the OP wants to hear from bad mothers? [8|]


As a rebuttal to those arguing this line, im curious to what extent you and your partner have chosen to be open about your relationship to your respective parents. i suspect that you have your motivations for being quiet. If so, is your mother a bad mother?



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 12:57:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

im curious as to what kind of emotional response would be evoked if, upon reaching the age of maturity*, your child became interested in d/s?

would your sentiment in anyway vary based on factors such as gender/orientation (by this i mean, would you be more disappointed/ashamed in a submissive boy than, say, a dominant girl?

I realize that the majority of users will feel that their love is unconditional, that they just want happiness for their child, etc.... but im more interested in hearing from any dominant females who have alternative opinions. I'm not asking if you would love your child any less, or blame them in any way... im just curious how you would view it.

*Just to clarify... im talking about children 18+ arriving at the decision independent of any parental influence.



One of mine did, and is heavily involved in a couple of specialized fetish-oriented communities AND works as a fetish model and designer. I think it is what it is, and as long as she's happy, and she's in a fulfilling relationship, I don't think it should be any more problematic than any other choice that an adult makes about hir life. She has the advantage of someone who is experienced and knowledgeable about the options and responsibilities, and we have a healthy relationship communication-wise, so she's always been relatively comfortable coming to me to talk about things -- even touchy subjects that, frankly, most parents wouldn't even -consider- talking with their kids about. I -like- being able and willing to do that for her. I am glad she doesn't have to make these decisions for herself on a wish and a prayer, like I did...

Honestly, after hanging about the bdsm and poly communities for most of my own adult life (nigh on 30+ years), I don't think there are any more "bad outcomes" in those areas than there are in everyday relationships -- and when there are, most of the "bad outcomes" are more about relationships that just aren't working on a "people" level than anything to do with the fetish or alternative-relationship level.

Calla



kiwisub12 -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 4:33:21 PM)

I find myself a lot less lonely as a submissive than i did when i identified as vanilla.

As far as my kids?   -  if they were truly submissive or dominant, i would want their happiness. Period.    Simple , isn't it.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 7:49:33 PM)

Fast reply:

I think my kids have always been D/s oriented. It never bothered me. Its not my business.



hereyesruponyou -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 8:05:33 PM)

I actually find myself a bit disappointed by my daughters "settling" for a boy who is so vanilla he doesn't even like the idea of 2 women together, even with him. It's her first relationship though, so maybe she will find more later in life. It's not so much i wanted her involved in this lifestyle, she is not privy to everything her mother does, just has a basic idea mom knows alot, and always has a blindfold and stick available for that darn pinata. She was raised to be very accepting and gravitated toward the artistic community including many in alternative lifestyles, being gay or bisexual was not surprising in her middle school or high school. The only club she joined at college was BT_GLASS (bisexual, transgender, gay, lesbian and straight students - she tells everyone she's the ASS). The current bf isn;t comfortable with any of that. She's accepted that for now, but I guess I don't want her to be like her mother, subjugating her needs for years and only really discovering what she wants when there's less time to enjoy it.

Hopefully 4 months in London this fall will give her a bit of a different perspective. If she comes back to him and is satisfied then, i think i will accept it better. Her being happy is the important part, but letting her get to happy on her own even when the choices can be painful is what being a good aprent is about (to me).



LadyNTrainer -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 8:59:20 PM)

Submissive men are strong and beautiful.  I love and appreciate them.  I don't have children, but if I did, I would be proud of them if they were decent, honorable people and their authentic selves in a relationship.  Their sexual orientation would matter a lot less to me than their other qualities as human beings.

I admit that I would be unhappy and ashamed if I had stupid or uneducated children, or if they grew up without learning good ethics.  But as long as they were intelligent, educated and ethical, I would be very proud and happy for them whether they were gay, straight, bi, dom, sub, monogamous, polyamorous, etc. 



VideoAdminRho -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 10:26:29 PM)

OK folks, LP was right. I have deleted better than 2 pages of flames, off topic posts, posts that quoted pulled posts, and the like. If your post disappeared, it was one of these.
Please stay on topic, as my 'delete' button is getting worn to the nub.[>:]



myotherself -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 11:03:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I find myself a lot less lonely as a submissive than i did when i identified as vanilla.

As far as my kids?   -  if they were truly submissive or dominant, i would want their happiness. Period.    Simple , isn't it.




What Kiwisub said [:)]

Surely you are LESS likely to be lonely once you identify your personal needs and can focus on finding someone who meets those needs? I spent many years dating 'nilla and getting increasingly depressed as one man after another failed to live up to some unspoken inner need.

Once I identified as sub, suddenly it was easier. I have dated several men who fit the bill to an extent, and am now looking for someone more long-term, now that I have a clearer idea of what it is I need.

I would much rather a teen figured out their sexual orientation and focussed their efforts into finding a compatible partner in a smaller pool of potential suitors than waste time wallowing around in the vast pool of humanity who are not right for them.

It's easy to have a life of unbearable loneliness even when you are surrounded by people...



Ladynslave -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/6/2010 11:21:29 PM)

I would give him as much info as I could to keep him safe and sane and have him realize it's all supposed to be consentual.  His choice, his life.



SaintAllie -> RE: To those of you who have children.... (7/7/2010 2:46:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So... the OP wants to hear from bad mothers? [8|]


As a rebuttal to those arguing this line, im curious to what extent you and your partner have chosen to be open about your relationship to your respective parents. i suspect that you have your motivations for being quiet. If so, is your mother a bad mother?


My subs parents are dead..they were both very open people, non critical.

Mine are alive.

My parents know what they need to know..my private life is not their business, just as their private life is not my business..

and to extrapolate.. My 17+ teens private lives.. are not my business.

allowing your family breathing space to live their lives.. does not make you bad parents ( mothers or fathers).

I have read a number of your recent posts and find your comments to be both critical and non productive.


this has nothing to do with your orientation.

Allie



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