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temporary dom - 3/22/2004 8:24:59 AM

sensualwordz

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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what about when you have a need for discipline in an area of your life and you just cant seem to "make" yourself do something
EG weight control, or manageing your time
Has anyone ever tried a temp dom arrangement where a dom who is not your dom helps you out???

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 8:46:58 AM

MistressKiss

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That is very much what the Dominant that I am close friends with does for me. I like being accountable to someone when I am trying to reach a goal. It helps me stay on top of it and to focus. I think that having an accountability partner can help everyone, vanilla, lifestyle, Dom or sub. We discuss the lifestyle and also play together, and I realize that it is a temporary arrangement, as does he. It works for us - it wouldn't over the long haul because I prefer to be in a loving relationship with the person I am playing with. But for a time period...it works great.

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 9:47:56 AM

EStrict

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I am confused about one part of this. You said *a dom that is not your dom*. By this do you mean in you have no dominant but don't want a LT commitment to someone? Or are you suggesting an additional dominant to help?

With the former, I have known lots of people who have negotiated a dominants help for just a specific issue. (I.E. to quit smoking). Punishments for infractions are not something the submissive would enjoy, are NOT foreplay, and do NOT lead to sex. The dominant in question was more a mentor with physical punishment expectations.

In the latter, that would raise two issues. One would be why is your dominant incapable or unwilling to help? The second is that *if* a second dominant is involved, have things been discussed between you and each dominant, and between the two dominants (as far as the expectations, needs and desires of all parties). This is a genric *you*, not the person who asked the question.

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 10:35:41 AM

Leonidas

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My experience is that what you are describing doesn't work on a "temporary" basis where there is little or no mental or emotional connection between you and the dominant. Discipline and accountability have to be about more than physical punishment to be effective in most cases. You have to have a good deal of respect for the dominant in question, and want strongly enough to live up to his expectations that having to account to him is going to carry some emotional "weight" for you. Otherwise, having him spank your ass or otherwise punish you for misbehavior isn't going to do much good except maybe as a catharsis to rid you of some of the self-loathing that you feel.

Bear in mind that putting yourself under someone else's discpline, even if the boundries of that relationship are well defined, is a fairly advanced form of submission. As I said above, you need to know, trust, and respect the one to whom you are submitting in order for it to be a satisfactory experience for you.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 3:19:55 PM

sub4hire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualwordz

what about when you have a need for discipline in an area of your life and you just cant seem to "make" yourself do something
EG weight control, or manageing your time
Has anyone ever tried a temp dom arrangement where a dom who is not your dom helps you out???

It sounds to me like you are seeking a top. You can find tops anywhere. Finding Dominants is another story all together.
On a different note if you want to lose weight a top or Dom is not going to help you do something you need to have within yourself. If you want to lose weight you need to want to do it for yourself. Otherwise sure you may lose a little. You will gain it all back in the long run.
Also, what is to say...you stopped smoking. Then you crave punishment so you start up again?
What was the sole purpose for trying to get someone to manipulate you to do it in the first place. Unless of course you were never serious to begin with.

Just my 2 cents.

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 4:07:32 PM

topcat

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I have done this sort of thing a few times, with a good degree of sucess. It can work with the right attitudes on both parties part.

there are a lot of things we do that work better with a Dominant/coach/whatever. I actually helpped a dominat friend just this past year in getting some aspects of his life in order.

stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: temporary dom - 3/22/2004 6:53:46 PM

proudsub

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quote:

what about when you have a need for discipline in an area of your life and you just cant seem to "make" yourself do something

I had an online Master who helped me a great deal with my exercise routine. He told me whenever i get on the treadmill to visualize that i am naked and he is behind me with a whip. Let me tell you it really works, i still fantacize about that when i workout and i really do work harder and longer. LOL. I know this isn't quite what you meant sensualwordz, but i had to comment on it.

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