why do people play games (Full Version)

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dominicandsarah -> why do people play games (7/13/2010 2:16:50 PM)

I have a question?
why are people being "fake".
we have been here for a while and have tried to open our relationship with a BDSM submissive and a poly relationship. we have met a few women and all seem to be interested for a while and then when we say that we dont play till we meet someone a few times and we get to know them. this works out great until about a month later when we want to play they fall off the face of the earth. are they just looking for a free meal ( we pay for all "dates"). is this normal behavior?



divi -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 2:20:40 PM)

Maybe they don't like you...

You do seem a little annoying (IMO)



whiteslavebitch -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 2:53:38 PM)

Why do you label them as fake after they've rejected you. It doesn't sound as if there was a commitment yet, so they were free to change their mind.

Perhaps after a few "dates" they found the three of you weren't compatible, it happens.




(edited for silly spelling)




sunshinemiss -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 3:04:13 PM)

Yeah... dating and not wanting to be with you... sounds normal to me.  Did you get involved with every person you dated for a few weeks??



gedienstig -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 3:09:44 PM)

I can understand why the would be annoyed if they just didn't hear from them after that. Every time I didn't feel compatible with someone I at least had the nerve to tell them "Ya know, this isn't gonna work out." And the thing is with dominance and submission, that many have the fantasy, but they can chicken out, and I understand that. I wouldn't call them "fake" for that. A fake person would not meet you in real life, or at least that is a bit of what my definition of fake is. People only living out their fantasies online, and then not showing up at dates.



alatheia -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 3:10:46 PM)

Maybe you should both look into this with different eyes. Is there anything they dont like about you that you can change or maybe you're picking the wrong women?

Or it could be as simple as them not liking you.

(Im a smart cookie today, i swear =/ )



porcelaine -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 3:17:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominicandsarah

I have a question?
why are people being "fake".
we have been here for a while and have tried to open our relationship with a BDSM submissive and a poly relationship. we have met a few women and all seem to be interested for a while and then when we say that we dont play till we meet someone a few times and we get to know them. this works out great until about a month later when we want to play they fall off the face of the earth. are they just looking for a free meal ( we pay for all "dates"). is this normal behavior?


dominicandsarah,

I'm certain those in the dynamics you're looking at will weigh in. But I encourage you to see the situation differently even though your interests are invested in the outcome. I'm assuming you're conversing with individuals within your age range which presents its own interesting dynamics and I'll be candid about them since I share a lot of their attributes. While the idea of what you're suggesting may sound enticing, the reality is that there are a select group of women that will truthfully wish to live in the manner you're presenting. Don't delude yourself about the responses or the time it will take to find a suitable fit.

If you're conversing with single women without responsibilities think long and hard what that means. You're inviting them into an established union when they can have the same with someone else that desires poly that doesn't have a partner at present. Now lets look at the other end. She's young, selfish, and if she's remotely smart she knows her choices abound. If it isn't a dynamic she wishes to engage in other options exist. We all know the idea of something and its daily reality don't always coincide.

It has been echoed on countless occasions how difficult it is to find a third and I believe that. You must present a compelling package that the individual accepts all on accounts. Having an attraction to one won't suffice if they're interacting with you both. I suggest that you make use of the poly forums and educate yourself regarding the particulars of the dynamic you seek. Exercise a good dose of patience and put on some thick skin as well. It will be a bumpy ride but one worth traveling if its where you wish to be. Best of luck to you both.

~porcelaine



Ishtarr -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 3:47:59 PM)

Why is a person a fake because they refuse to play with you?

I'm assuming that the whole reason you don't play on the first few dates is to find out if you're even compatible, right?

So apparently these girls find out in those first few dates that you're not compatible enough to consider playing with.

To me, a person is a fake when they deliberately tell lies about their gender, age, pictures or relationship status and imply that they want a relationship with you offline when they are not really interested in anything beyond online play.
Seeing that you've these girls offline, they obviously told the truth about their age, appearance, sex and the fact that they were willing to meet offline.
A failure to be interested in you doesn't make somebody a "fake".
 


www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSPTKA_ou8s

When we say nothing
They call us hard to get
When We Say NO!
They call us names instead
They haven't got a clue
Let us spell it out for you:

I don't care
I never liked you anyway
I don't care
Don't you hear me when I say
I don't care
Cause you're a total waste of time
And you'll never ever ever be mine



DarkSteven -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 4:28:34 PM)

I like flirting.  I like meeting people.  Usually it doesn't work out.  But at least I've enjoyed myself.  [:)]



playfulotter -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 4:45:46 PM)

When I was looking and meeting new men I had the same feelings about it all as DarkSteven said....The right person will come along when you least expect it....Well, for me it happens that way.



Aylee -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 4:46:53 PM)

quote:

why do people play games


Because they are fun!  [:)]

Betrayal at the House on the Hill, is my favorite.  Munchkin comes in a close second.  There are several others. 

It is possible that you have just not found a game that you liked.  You might check and see if your local game store has special nights for people to try out new games.  Don't worry, I am sure that you will find something that you like. 



Level -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 4:54:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dominicandsarah

I have a question?
why are people being "fake".


Because bdsm is going soft!



porcelaine -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 4:55:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I like flirting.  I like meeting people.  Usually it doesn't work out.  But at least I've enjoyed myself.  [:)]


I'm waiting for my turn in the rotation. [;)]

~porcelaine



afkarr -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 5:41:24 PM)

Kinky dude and I have had similiar expereinces while unicorn hunting. It's hard to attribute actions solely to incompatability when someone is quite happy tp spend "dates" with you on your dime, chat away regarding preferences etc, and initiate emails- but never follow through.

Then there was the couple that approached us with the offer of a "sub swap"- each girl would play with each couple, and everybody got their threes compnay. The only hitch was, they wanted my kinky man to be limited to "watch the girls play" only, while they wanted to have full play rights with me; hmmmmm, seems more like selfishness to me than incompatability.

Then there was the charming young lady who would be delighted to play with a couple- and if we were "$weet enough", she'd be "$weet right back". Yes, she actually wrote that- and extortion is on our list of hard limits, so I suppose that was a case of imcompatability.

To be fair, there's just as many "players" or "fakes" or whathaveyou on the opposite end- if I had a dime for every chat request and a dollar for every pic request I get, I'd could retire- even though I specifically mention I'm not interested in a male or a dominant of any sort at this time.

Bottom line is, people are funny creatures, some are all talk and no action; there aren't any more in this world than in the general public, they just seem more obvious here.



Glasgow -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 5:57:21 PM)

I disagree with your assumption that they are 'fakes'. Not because they didn't stay with you, but because it simply doesn't make sense.

Most fakes stay on the Internet. They do not meet up. Whether they like to fantasize about the lifestyle, or are simply leading us on, we call them fakes because they never show up in the 'real world'.

However, someone who does show up for a date is obviously committed in some way. You suggest that they are looking for a free meal. I would like to propose that that simply does not make sense, because a BDSM site is definitely one of the last places I would look for a 'free meal'.

What about vanilla dating sites? They are much more heavily populated than a kink site, and you don't have to worry so much about 'styles of play', as it were. If I wanted to lead guys on for a free night out, I would hit up on a dating site.

Besides that, many women find it very hard to tell a guy off. We often feel that we are going to ruin your life if we leave, so we disappear quietly into the night. Or just drive away. The point is, I doubt someone who actually meets you for more than one date is a faker. You just aren't compatible.

Also, consider getting yourself a single sub before you expand to poly. I mean, I wouldn't feel very special if my Master took me out to a movie with another girl*. Just 1 on 1, you only need to like each other. With three people involved, the dynamic is much more complicated.

*(That is, another girl when we just met. I would feel as if I were on the sidelines to his grand plan of a poly house and not as if he wanted me as his slave)



LadySunn -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 7:08:53 PM)

I enjoyed reading the realistic and honest answers on this thread. 

The people that you describe do not seem like fakes, maybe there was no spark or depth to your attraction..... you know, something to keep them interested in the both of you as a couple for the long haul.

I float through subs lives and enjoy the time I spend with them. Over time we either click as vanilla friends, or a D/s friendship or disappear into nothing at all.   My ONE main sub has yet to step up to the oak paddle but  I'm still happy with flirting.



Glasgow -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 7:12:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySunn

I enjoyed reading the realistic and honest answers on this thread. 



Sarcasm alert?



LadyPact -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 7:24:48 PM)

I put people who won't show up to the local munch or for a private meeting in the fake category much faster than someone who has actually taken the time to meet you.  All of the people that you met face to face, rather than just play on the internet, lived up to being a real person.

That doesn't mean that every person that you meet is going to be compatible with you or even interested in you.  Any couple looking for a third person to play with, much less start a poly relationship, really does need to come to terms with the fact that they are competing with every other couple out there looking.  They are the ones with the corner on the market.  There is no group that is more sought after than the single, submissive, bi-sexual female.  That means you are going to pay for a lot of dinners and the other couples out there are doing the exact same thing.  A meeting doesn't mean they have chosen you out of the many.



TSsubmissive -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 7:56:51 PM)

A "fake" wouldn't have actually met you. Or if they had, they would have misrepresented themselves. It doesn't sound like that was the case with you two.



juliaoceania -> RE: why do people play games (7/13/2010 8:26:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: divi

Maybe they don't like you...

You do seem a little annoying (IMO)


LOL



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