hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline
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the real issue is not going to be that you are a virgin, it's going to be whether or not you're ready to no longer be one.
if you're not ready, it'll probably be a problem/turn-off in one way or another; as most people, in or out of bdsm are impatient and only considerate to their own desires. that's probably moreover the case 'here', though i'm gathering that your acknowledgment of this is possibly why you've come here in the first place.
you'll find that the classic snag in this scenario will be the people that say things like "oh i think it's awesome that you've saved yourself for someone special", which makes you feel at ease for a bit and give you some hope of things going differently this time. the problem with it is that they almost always and without fail seem to think that "this special someone" must be them, and they will still be giving you the same kind of grief within 2-3 days that you'd expect from anyone else.
people just love to flatter themselves.
if you are willing-- but it just hasn't happened yet, then regardless of the reason for that being the case, i'm with hibiscus on this; it's irrelevant.
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without doubt; there are people who prefer one way to the other, there are people who are fine with one way or another, there are those who will make that call based on the person, and there are those who won't even consider it.
that's not in regards to virginity, that's covers anything. you see it doesn't really matter what you are, you won't ever come close to pleasing them all.
it should become obvious at some point that bdsm and vanilla differs mostly in the 'kink'; as submissive, dominant, and switchy type people are found in both venues. so keep in mind that the people here are still people just like you knew in candy land, and you'll be getting closer to finding what you want here.
i'd also ignore any "golden advice" that you should promiscuously prance about until your penis has found its way into 5-10 random people before you come here, unless of course all you want is "some bdsm ass"; but the real factor will be on doing what you want. if that was all you wanted though, it would beg the question why you haven't done so yet, so i'd ignore it.
let such advise help you find the best route or course of action, but don't let it change your destination.
i would recommend that you continue to leave this out of your profile. as with my viewpoints; you don't want virginity to be the reason someone is or is not interested in you, just as anyone who isn't a virgin wouldn't want the number of people they've been with to be the deciding factor. i'd keep this info to yourself for the most part, but i wouldn't hide it; just tell it to those who have business knowing it. i myself have enjoyed using it like a wildcard when getting to know people; dealing it when i encounter someone that i believe is more concerned with sex than they are of me or having a relationship. but of course, that's what i'm looking for.
in general i tend to hand out these kinds of cards whenever people start to become close to me sort of like a defense mechanism to chase them off; hoping at the same time that when people find out who i am, they won't actually run. when i'm afraid of things actually working out, i shoot off truth about myself so that if such knowledge causes them to leave, it'll be before they get close enough for me to get attached and hurt by it.
what has pissed me off the most with virginity though, is when you bother to tell people the truth and they don't believe you. if they stay around long enough then yeah they're almost certain to become convinced at some point, but the problem is if, and that until they are convinced, they're going to be wary of you and think of you as a liar. they tend to see your admittance of it as being your attempt at playing a different kind of card altogether. if it does turn around though, you stand to have built a lot of credibility and trust for yourself, else to run them off when they realize the truth.
being a virgin doesn't mean you need be ignorant though, and it's certainly no excuse for it. learn what you can without crossing whatever boundaries you may have; no one wants to explain the rudimentary concepts of bdsm to you anymore than they want to explain the birds and the bees. what you need to do most of all is figure out whether or not bdsm is a 'constant' or a 'horny' interest of yours, and to separate your fantasy of bdsm from the reality of it.
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also... most people regret their first partner, and no matter how much you save yourself it's still likely to happen.
the goal of holding onto virginity in my opinion is not to prevent regretting the person you lost it with, it's to prevent losing it before you're ready to.
in short; virginity is one of those virtuous curses. doing what is thought to be the right thing often brings you nothing but misery for your efforts.
it takes a special kind of masochist to both suffer and sacrifice~
quote:
I dislike when someone identifies as a virgin first. They seem preoccupied with it, probably because they have double sense of mortality. Not only do they fear death, but they begin to fear "death of their virginity." The longer one remains a virgin, the more this fear is realized.
If the person is a virgin because it just hasn't felt right to them,
[vs.]
The more the person freaks out about sexuality
^^^^
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 7/15/2010 10:54:26 PM >
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