RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 5:14:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I can understand this...I know that for me, my dominance is often perked by someone I perceive as "less than" me. Someone weaker, less successful, not much drive, little education beyond high school...that type.


quote:


How does that sound coming from the dominant side?  Probably not all that nice and yet, it is the same thing as what has been said, only in reverse.


quote:

CD...have I told you lately that I adore you???


Gawd.  I don't have to see a woman as better, stronger or more successful than me for me to feel like I want to be dominated by her.  The main thing I have to see is how much she wants to dominate me. 

In fact, the only real use I have for the terms 'alpha' and 'beta' is precisely to do with that 'wanting' to take control (or to yield it, in my case).  But, then, that's maybe because I'm just a pervert. :-)




juliaoceania -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 7:00:57 AM)

quote:

Awesome, what part of California and what were the names of the tribes in the area if you don't mind me asking? I know nothing about west coast Indians, all I can remember is stuff about the pacific northwest ones..


Since they were prehistoric Indians we do not necessarily know what they called themselves




realwhiteknight -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 7:17:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Awesome, what part of California and what were the names of the tribes in the area if you don't mind me asking? I know nothing about west coast Indians, all I can remember is stuff about the pacific northwest ones..


Since they were prehistoric Indians we do not necessarily know what they called themselves


Oh thanks. Often they call an indian group 'the precursor to the Navajo' or Algonquins or whatever. From looking at whoever was living in the are most recently if there are comparisons with the material culture/customs and all that.




juliaoceania -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 7:37:26 AM)

quote:

Oh thanks. Often they call an indian group 'the precursor to the Navajo' or Algonquins or whatever. From looking at whoever was living in the are most recently if there are comparisons with the material culture/customs and all that.


It has been years since I worked there, so I will give the name of the site, it is the Granddad Site near Mariposa. It covered many cultures as it was an ecotone that had pretty constant population that covered many cultures, adaptations, and the material was diverse




kdsub -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 8:50:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm just a pervert. :-)


I can see you are not a Republican...[:D]

Butch




PeonForHer -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 9:44:40 AM)

Actually, I am a republican - though that means something majorly different here in the UK. [;)]




subexploring -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 10:13:58 AM)

I think the alpha/beta distinction is way overdone, and the animal comparisons are a little silly -- most of that "alpha/beta wolfpack" nonsense is very unscientific. Also, in my experience most women who are bossy in everyday life are submissive in bed. But that might just be an aspect of most women being submissive in bed.

Some people are more natural leaders and others like to follow, but this can vary tremendously over different areas in life. People can show very different preferences across leadership at work / leadership in friendship circles / leadership in intimate relationships. (There's a lot of good social psychology research showing that personality traits tend to vary a lot across different contexts). 

Also -- and this is very important -- good leadership is in many ways a service position. I think a lot of people are aware of this and their desire to "follow" is in fact a desire to be served. I will let you lead me, but god forbid you do it the wrong way.




CreativeDominant -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 10:47:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

How does that sound coming from the dominant side?  Probably not all that nice and yet, it is the same thing as what has been said, only in reverse.


I never said less than...
  you didn't?  I didn't see this post then?  "I suppose I am wondering why I feel so unsubmissive to almost everyone, but once in a while someone I perceive as "more than" me gets to me... if that makes sense... "
If someone is "more than" you, does that not make you "less than" them?

quote:

And if I said exactly what I was talking about I would sound a bit full of myself, so I won't...[;)]




CreativeDominant -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 10:54:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

You are a strong woman who knows what you want in another yet at one time you considered yourself submissive.


The genesis of this thread.... I met someone recently that is strong, successful, ambitious, extremely educated... etc etc etc... and I felt submissive to him...

I suppose I am wondering why I feel so unsubmissive to almost everyone, but once in a while someone I perceive as "more than" me gets to me... if that makes sense...
I can understand this...I know that for me, my dominance is often perked by someone I perceive as "less than" me. Someone weaker, less successful, not much drive, little education beyond high school...that type.

~tongue firmly in cheek~ 

How does that sound coming from the dominant side?  Probably not all that nice and yet, it is the same thing as what has been said, only in reverse.
CD...have I told you lately that I adore you???
And who can blame you?  [;)]




realwhiteknight -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 6:22:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Oh thanks. Often they call an indian group 'the precursor to the Navajo' or Algonquins or whatever. From looking at whoever was living in the are most recently if there are comparisons with the material culture/customs and all that.


It has been years since I worked there, so I will give the name of the site, it is the Granddad Site near Mariposa. It covered many cultures as it was an ecotone that had pretty constant population that covered many cultures, adaptations, and the material was diverse


Oh thanks, hmm ecotone.. I learned a new word. Also I found this symposium:
http://www.scahome.org/publications/2005_AM_Program.pdf

"The Granddad Site, located on Usona Ridge, at the 2500-foot level, near Mariposa, California,
has an archaeological record spanning nearly 500 years, with hints of a pre-Altithermal
component. The poster will present data on the assemblages recovered from each of the
components. Notable are two features we have recently excavated, including a rock ring that
appears to be a base of a mid-Holocene, acorn granary and the remnants of semi-subterranean
daub structure. Macro-botanical remains obtained by flotation and plant impressions from the
structure’s daub give us a window into the plant communities present at this site, over the length of its ocupation. "

and this
http://groups.google.com/group/cvaan/web/lecture-dr-john-pryor-monday-october-1st-at-7-00-pm-csuf

Interesting little bit of reading. Apparently the site is pretty old, 9000 BP [:)]

Totally off-topic at this point,[:D] huh?




juliaoceania -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 6:23:55 PM)

Like I said, unless I spilled my beans you will not understand, and I am not spilling them




juliaoceania -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/24/2010 6:25:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Oh thanks. Often they call an indian group 'the precursor to the Navajo' or Algonquins or whatever. From looking at whoever was living in the are most recently if there are comparisons with the material culture/customs and all that.


It has been years since I worked there, so I will give the name of the site, it is the Granddad Site near Mariposa. It covered many cultures as it was an ecotone that had pretty constant population that covered many cultures, adaptations, and the material was diverse


Oh thanks, hmm ecotone.. I learned a new word. Also I found this symposium:
http://www.scahome.org/publications/2005_AM_Program.pdf

"The Granddad Site, located on Usona Ridge, at the 2500-foot level, near Mariposa, California,
has an archaeological record spanning nearly 500 years, with hints of a pre-Altithermal
component. The poster will present data on the assemblages recovered from each of the
components. Notable are two features we have recently excavated, including a rock ring that
appears to be a base of a mid-Holocene, acorn granary and the remnants of semi-subterranean
daub structure. Macro-botanical remains obtained by flotation and plant impressions from the
structure’s daub give us a window into the plant communities present at this site, over the length of its ocupation. "

and this
http://groups.google.com/group/cvaan/web/lecture-dr-john-pryor-monday-october-1st-at-7-00-pm-csuf

Interesting little bit of reading. Apparently the site is pretty old, 9000 BP :)



Like I said, how many cultures were there is something they are still working out




sirsholly -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/25/2010 3:07:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I can understand this...I know that for me, my dominance is often perked by someone I perceive as "less than" me. Someone weaker, less successful, not much drive, little education beyond high school...that type.


quote:


How does that sound coming from the dominant side?  Probably not all that nice and yet, it is the same thing as what has been said, only in reverse.


quote:

CD...have I told you lately that I adore you???


Gawd.  I don't have to see a woman as better, stronger or more successful than me for me to feel like I want to be dominated by her.  The main thing I have to see is how much she wants to dominate me. 

In fact, the only real use I have for the terms 'alpha' and 'beta' is precisely to do with that 'wanting' to take control (or to yield it, in my case).  But, then, that's maybe because I'm just a pervert. :-)
you screwed up the quotes. [:)]





sirsholly -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/25/2010 3:39:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Like I said, unless I spilled my beans you will not understand, and I am not spilling them
personally, I don't give a Lima about your beans. But the fact is you made a statement that looks pretty silly when CD said the same thing using a different orientation....though HE was being sarcastic.

Now if I were you i would not have posted to begin with, because making a statement such as yours and then hiding behind a refusal to partake in bean spillage when challenged is the absolute equivilent of walking away with your tail between your legs.




PeonForHer -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/25/2010 4:09:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
you screwed up the quotes. [:)]


Damnit, I did, didn't I?  Well, I can't be expected to good at such trifling matters.  Women are good at that sort of thing - I should get a femsub as a secretary. 

(On this occasion and for that quip, I shall insert a wink, thus [;)], juuuuust in case.)




CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Alphas and Betas and D/s relationships (7/25/2010 5:44:22 AM)

quote:

good leadership is in many ways a service position. I think a lot of people are aware of this and their desire to "follow" is in fact a desire to be served.


The thing is, in a healthy, functioning relationship, -everyone- is 'serving'... they're serving the good of the relationship, and making decisions accordingly. The difference, for me, is the "how" of that service -- does the individual preferentially serve that communion through -yielding- authority (submissive), or through -managing and directing- authority (dominant). Alpha, beta, etc., are useful in larger assemblages for determining hierarchical relationships within the dynamic, but if a relationship is going to function effectively for everyone involved, ALL participants must be willing and able to serve that communal link between them.

Calla




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