AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
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I was looking at some old billing statements and realized I spend a lot of money on toys for subs and slaves, and then they often just flake on me. I invest between $40 and $350 on average on a new 'prospect' for personal, online BDSM (well, phone bdsm, and the expectation that they will send pictures or videos, and basically engage in casual but ongoing BDSM sessions).
The understanding I set at the beginning is they will never pay a dime, buy a single toy or buy me a gift of any kind -- but they also can't give me a laundry list of their kinks. I give them a list of mine up front and they agree. Here's a sample of what I have had guys do to me after I "spoil" them with gifts:
* A sweet guy once accepted the restraints and gear I sent and took some amazing, sexy still photos that were very hot. We emailed daily. He was too shy to go on the phone so I didn't press it. But months into it, he finally read my profile, and said something like, "omg, you're married?" Now, my husband knows and is ok with all of this. But the guy had never looked at my profile once? Needless to say, it was better to end it, since he wasn't comfortable and I wasn't going to push it.
* A really playful cutie pie was lamenting on another message board that he could not afford a chastity device but wanted to experiment. I was feeling frisky. I emailed him and said I would have a new one sent to him -- in exchange for him being locked up for me (casually) -- in exchange for some phone time, pics, etc. He agreed. It was amazing. He was extremely exciting to me. I sent him lots of bondage gear and he cooperated for a few weeks, then said he wanted to get together with his ex, so she could lock him. I said sure - I understand, good luck. Months later, he came back, said it wasn't working, could we start up again? I said sure, and we did. I sent him some new toys. Same thing happened - this time, I think, it was university or job, taking a toll, he couldn't. I said sure, good luck. A third time he came back, and I was tiring of the seesaw but really liked him. It only lasted a few days and again he had some reason. He came back, again, recently, with another proposal for a rekindling, and I said no.
* I sent some handpicked lingerie to a cute boytoy in Europe because he was too timid to go out on his own. He had an amazing voice and accent. He received them and put them on once, then disappeared on me. He reappeared a few weeks later and wanted to start up again, but he had thrown away the lingerie in shame. I refused to send him more, so he dropped off.
I can tell three or four more like this off the top of my head. Of course, there are the success stories. I ended up marrying my husband after sending him video recording gear (which thankfully he didn't just run off with) and toys. I have an ongoing and lovely thing going with a guy I met from CM who has tons of gear I sent to him and continue to send. But really, the odds are about 1 in 5, when I break it down, that a male sub will make good on his side of the deal, and will use the gear in good faith with me on the terms we agreed to. Of the several that flake, more than 75% reappear and ask for another shot, which I generally decline out of principle.
So, what of these "fakers"? Why, oh why, do they use me, take my money? Who are these "scammers"? Why am I being *so* taken advantage of? Well, let's just say that human nature, and the nature of kink, is fluid. People get into things one moment then lose faith in it the next. There's a lot of self analysis going on. Subs are very hot today, cold tomorrow. Do I hate any of these guys? Of course not. Would I recommend any of them to another femdom? I would, for play, but with caution -- still, just because they got cold feet with me - or with "online play" - doesn't mean they are a bad apple. Since most just come around, again, later, it just shows me they are inconsistent. Unfortunately, I don't do well with that -- I expect them to be honest and I do the same, so the on/off thing isn't a good use of my resources.
So thousands of dollars, as I estimate, in the last three years alone dumped into men I found by browsing profiles here. Scammed right out of me. Am I bitter? Nah. To be honest, I just don't care. Here's the thing. When I go to my favorite toy site and browse the evil devices, I get my $100 bucks worth when I click on the item to send it. I get my jollies from the process of making the man my "whore" by gifting him into surrender to me, knowing he will do it, no strings attached. Anything after that is bonus to me. Bonus if he opens the package as I demand, while I watch or listen. Double bonus if he uses the gear. Jackpot if he goes on cam and surrenders to my direction.
But the point is, if I am "gifting" someone, even in a power exchange, fluid, "semi real" bdsm online realm, I accept full responsibility that the money spent is money donated. It's a gift. I don't "get" anything more by just resenting, getting mad about it or blaming blanket subs as characters -- it just varies, it's a gamble. You don't scream at the slot machine for the odds. You just accept it and drop in your dollar and accept that you are paying for the rush of it.
Or you keep your dollar in your wallet and don't complain about it.
I am happy to buy chastity devices for men, by toys for total strangers because they have a pretty face or a great sense of surrender in their eyes. It starts and ends there, everything else is bonus.
This is not an invite for men who want me to send them toys; note that I have to be the pursuer for that dynamic to work, meaning I do the contacting. This dynamic, where I pursue like the predator, it's all on my terms, and on my dime. I've been let down, but who cares. I still do it.
Akasha
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"Male Submissive Scammers" - or, do you get w... - 
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