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Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 9:44:16 AM

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Amidst the turmoil and criticism of CM and the changes that have occurred to the lifestyle in general, and because this issue seems to be seeping into many other threads, I thought I would bring it together in one place.

It has been said that CM has changed, even "ruined" and there have been many comments that CM has become more mainstream and less tolerant of the more experienced couples/individuals.

I'd like to ask all of you, what is CM to you? Do you think it has changed? It that change for the better or worse? What would you like to see differently? What do YOU do to resolve conflicts and make CM a place for the accepting and open exchange of ideas for everyone?

(I will post my answer in a separate post...let's please dont make this about semantics, I know everyone's terms vary).

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 9:46:31 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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CM has been a source of comfort to me in an odd way. I have met people on here that I feel have been supportive, etc, in ways that I can't find support amongst vanilla friends.

I have fun here

That is what CM is to me

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:03:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'd like to ask all of you, what is CM to you?
I choose to not answer this.

Do you think it has changed? It that change for the better or worse?
Yes. I like the mods whose methods are more laid back. Also, when a very ugly thing happened to me on the boards awhile back, the mods were very supportive and decent to all parties involved. I appreciated that immensely. Back in the golden 11th hour days, I would have been afraid to bring my concern up. I would have just sucked it up instead of standing up for myself. In that way, I think it's better. I mean trust is a two way street in any relationship including the Mods / clientele of CM. Not only is it necessary for the clientele to be willing to trust the mods, but they must make it a safe place to put that trust. I think that change has been for the MUCH better.

I will say though that a number of my posts were pulled a few weeks back with no input from the pullers. I have no idea what I did wrong, and that is kind of 1984-ish. Things seem to have simmered down a bit, though. Meh.

What would you like to see differently?

I would like a :: thud :: emoticon

What do YOU do to resolve conflicts and make CM a place for the accepting and open exchange of ideas for everyone?

I don't try to resolve conflicts. I do my best to not create them by doing a few things. I do my best to be clear. I do my best to not call people names or personally attack. (I think I do pretty good on those). I do my best not to get hooked in when people send their mad dog bitches out to get me. (I do pretty good there, too).

I try to stick to attacking someone's argument even when I am personally attacked. But usually those attacks just make me laugh, and it gives me something for my friends and me to talk about!

Best,
sunshine

*changed font size... and took out something a wee too personal.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 7/21/2010 10:15:32 AM >

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(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:16:45 AM

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I usually don't pay attention to changes on the forum. I do like that the rules have altered a bit to allow more leniency toward discussing things that might have happened to us personally. When I first joined I was mod-spanked for openly discussing one of the turns that led me to masochism. Quite honestly that mod spanking made me feel vile. It made me feel defective, damaged, beyond salvation for having been tainted with things that were not always my choice. It made me feel.. worthless. With the changes I see now I believe that new posters may not have to go through that self evaluation due to a person in powers negative judgement.

CM is ordered. Logical. The catagories are not so scattered as in other places. It is easy to negotiate. But all those reasons also add to what I view as bdsm lite. if it is easy, of course it will be densely populated by those that are just coming into this stuff we do. And that will inevidibly lead to viewing the past with a look of horror. I like to see myself as a dinosaur.. <g> we have tough hides.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:19:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Quite honestly that mod spanking made me feel vile. It made me feel defective, damaged, beyond salvation for having been tainted with things that were not always my choice. It made me feel.. worthless.

Thats pretty HAWT!!!!

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:32:39 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

I'd like to ask all of you, what is CM to you? Do you think it has changed? It that change for the better or worse? What would you like to see differently? What do YOU do to resolve conflicts and make CM a place for the accepting and open exchange of ideas for everyone?

When I first responded I did not answer these questions because I did not want to criticize others... especially for things I have been guilty of myself...I soooo appreciate CM as a place to come, it is FREE, and I guess I have always thought that if I did not like it I shouldn't come here and I have stuck to that. There are times I didn't like it, and I didn't come here.

I seriously don't want to change anything. I have no one blocked on this side. I read everything, and if I don't want to see something I don't hit that thread. Basically I think the mods over the years have all had a hard job, and I respect the work they do. I never had a negative interaction with the old mods (the era of famous 11).. I reported posts that were blatantly against TOS OFTEN when she was a mod....

I never report a personal attack on here, because I think we are big kids and we should wear our big kid pants and act the part. If someone wants to call me names, well these days I don't care... for one I know who I am, for another they are JUST WORDS.... it is not the mods that need to change, it is people who take themselves and this site too damn seriously... which I have at times when I first started posting here, which was why I was hesitant to state this as something that needed changing...

There was an incident a few weeks ago that upset me on here, which I will not go into specifics, but I think the mods handled that very well.... when one poster threatens to out information on another poster, that has stepped over a very large line. Thank goodness the mods stomped on that thread with their combat boots. I would hate to see a precedent for that kind of behavior... especially for long standing posters....

Here is the way I view the world, if I want something to change, I change how I relate to it. I don't resist it being what it is, I try to change myself to accept it or I focus on things that are the way I like them. I give thanks for things I don't like because there is value there, whether it is apparent or not.... This is how I approach CM.....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:34:44 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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CM is a source of entertainment and amusement that I log in to for fun, and the occaisional opportunity to learn something new.

Mostly, it is a bad habit that uses up too many hours of my day.

I've never had any problem with the moderation of the forum before or current.

I'm' not sure that CM has changed all that much. Though I'm thinking that I have. I went back and read my posts when I first signed on, and I wondered where that intelligent, logical and respectful woman went.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 10:53:09 AM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Oh I missed the drama so many times!

I think it is funny talking about how CM changed when we have only been here, many of us not that long.

I think the Mods should step back when people are simply being funny, especially since it seems to me they step in with their own 'humor' with all the pc apologies about highjacking the thread. I dont care personally about so-called highjacking, I like a natural flow to stuff.

I dont care if people name call or whatever, and all the ones tooting their horns how they dont do that make me want to call them names because I loathe that sort of self-righteous bell ringing. It is a lil bit brown nosing.

I also dont like when people write a version of "you have CMail" I mean doesnt it show up in Bright Red you have mail, why announce it here? I suppose the folks are nervous the person wont look right away?

I also dont like when people feel they have to announce why they edited something all the time. I dont care why you edited, obviously you felt the need. It is a tad sucking ass or something.

I like all the different people coming here with all their own whackiness, neurosis, self-righteousness, interestingness , informativeness, and funniness. I like some posters more than others for sure maing. Sometimes when some posters arent around intejecting a hundred times a day, I am glad they arent around but then when I notice some others not posting I wonder how they are, who hurt them, are they busy, did something happen, it is only the web, whatever, but where are they? Some of the 'well-loved' regulars make me feel somewhat ill with their mainstream pov's even though this is a kinky website.

I dont like some of what looks like favoritism with the mods, some folks with not many posts getting a cute name in their avatar spot while some peeps been here way longer and seem to be able to lose the stock thing written there.

I like CM, it is free, well designed, fun, interesting and informative on many more levels than what is written in b&w. I like watching folks grow, or not, develop relationships, or not, I like the whole shebang. I like when new peeps show up and stir it up quite a bit, nice fresh energy in da place.

< Message edited by heartcream -- 7/21/2010 10:54:30 AM >

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 11:12:12 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

< Message edited by heartcream -- 7/21/2010 10:54:30 AM >

You know, I hate it when you edit your post and you don't tell me why

(I hope you know I am joking, but I do include why I edited if it is for more than a spelling mistake, as adding new content might get missed by someone who read it the first time)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 11:14:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Oh I missed the drama so many times!

I think it is funny talking about how CM changed when we have only been here, many of us not that long.

Ahh Grasshopper, welcome to the fray. In one hundred one hundred moons, you too will be one of the old timers. You will speak of the days of the VAA, the Fag Hags, and yes the black Jesus. Keep on keeping on, little grasshopper.

I think the Mods should step back when people are simply being funny, especially since it seems to me they step in with their own 'humor' with all the pc apologies about highjacking the thread. I dont care personally about so-called highjacking, I like a natural flow to stuff.

And flirting... ahhh the flirting is a natural part of life. The flow, ahhh yes the flow... We even acknowledge her by name - Aunt Flo!

I dont care if people name call or whatever, and all the ones tooting their horns how they dont do that make me want to call them names because I loathe that sort of self-righteous bell ringing. It is a lil bit brown nosing.

Toot Toot! Could you hand me a tissue you snot nosed grasshopper brat?

I also dont like when people write a version of "you have CMail" I mean doesnt it show up in Bright Red you have mail, why announce it here? I suppose the folks are nervous the person wont look right away?

Ahhh but my impatient grasshopper, I can't think of a witty or clever thing to say (however, you got a point here)

I also dont like when people feel they have to announce why they edited something all the time. I dont care why you edited, obviously you felt the need. It is a tad sucking ass or something.

Sweet Grasshopper, you must say what you mean and mean what you say. There is no try...

I like all the different people coming here with all their own whackiness, neurosis, self-righteousness, interestingness , informativeness, and funniness.

And we love you too GH HC. (grass hopper heart cream)

I like some posters more than others for sure maing. Sometimes when some posters arent around intejecting a hundred times a day, I am glad they arent around but then when I notice some others not posting I wonder how they are, who hurt them, are they busy, did something happen, it is only the web, whatever, but where are they? Some of the 'well-loved' regulars make me feel somewhat ill with their mainstream pov's even though this is a kinky website.

*meaningless grunt

I dont like some of what looks like favoritism with the mods, some folks with not many posts getting a cute name in their avatar spot while some peeps been here way longer and seem to be able to lose the stock thing written there.

I like CM, it is free, well designed, fun, interesting and informative on many more levels than what is written in b&w. I like watching folks grow, or not, develop relationships, or not, I like the whole shebang. I like when new peeps show up and stir it up quite a bit, nice fresh energy in da place.

ahhh how we remember the day that you yourself brought "nice fresh energy" in da place. Amen.

*didn't actually edit... just wanted to you know... do the edit-y thang.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 11:24:07 AM

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For me, it is entertainment and a connection to some enjoyable people.

I sure as hell don't feel anything has been ruined, I actually enjoy it more. I REALLY like the new style of moderation.

I generally think reporting posts and announcing blocking is childish. "Mommmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy, Billy called me a bad worrrrrrrrrrrrrddd!!!!!!!!" Puuuuuuullllllllleeeeeeeeezzzzzzz. I have never ever (if memory serves) reports a post or even an email. There has only ever been one person (if memory serves) that I hid on the forums. And that was when I first came here.

If I don't like something someone posts I either ignore it, or tell them I think they are a putz and then ignore them. But don't bother blocking them or placing them on ignore. I can just as easily use my own self discipline and NOT READ their posts. I am a mother, I am good at ignoring the annoying.

I don't care about being accepting of everything. I have no problem with being thought of as narrow minded or a prude if I don't agree with someone. My judgments have stood me in good stead......after all you don't see me starting "HELP!!!!!!" threads now do you?

Age and experience does not equal value to me. Nor does inexperience and youth equal less valuable. I don't care how many years a person has been behaving stupidly, there isn't a magic number that makes their stupidity less stupid. I have no problem saying I think it's stupid.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 11:52:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

what is CM to you?

CollarMe is simply an online site that sometimes occupies too much of my time. It's a place I've been able to exchange ideas with people I may not have met otherwise. It's also a place that makes me laugh and contraywise shake my head while walking away from the computer.

Do you think it has changed?

Of course, everything changes...unless the goal is stagnation.

It that change for the better or worse?

Honestly, i don't get into the politics of this place so much. There were cliques when I first came here and there'll be cliques when I leave, that's the nature of any social situation on or off line. There's more joking around, which could be viewed as either positive or negative. There also seems to be a fairly large influx of new people with no "old school" experience, which I attribute to the acceptance by mainstream society of the sexual aspects of bdsm. Again, is that good or bad? I'm one of those fairly newer folks (about 2 yrs here) and yet I caught the tail end of the seasoned posters crowd.

I think change just "is"...better or worse is always going to be relative.

What would you like to see differently?

The moment a thread starts to become a "who's more real/extreme/public/right" sort of thing, I lose interest. I'd like to see less pissing matches and more acceptance of individuality...be it extreme or bdsm lite (I like that term about as much as I like "vanilla"...sigh).

What do YOU do to resolve conflicts and make CM a place for the accepting and open exchange of ideas for everyone?

What do I do? Lately, I just exit the thread. I get little to no acknowledgment anyway so trying to butt into a conflict is simply a waste of time and bandwidth. It's also not really my style.
To be honest, I don't think CM will ever be "a place for the accepting and open exchange of ideas for everyone" because, for many people, it's more fun to play to the crowd.

Regardless, I'm still here and plan to be for the time being.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 7/21/2010 12:03:04 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 11:52:42 AM

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For me it is soft and fluffy creatures like June.

Ward.

(who helped ruined CM)

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:06:36 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Ahh Grasshopper, welcome to the fray. In one hundred one hundred moons, you too will be one of the old timers. You will speak of the days of the VAA, the Fag Hags, and yes the black Jesus. Keep on keeping on, little grasshopper.

I am not sure if this is sarcasm, because my sarcasm meter sucks butt.

You see I joined before you right? I dont consider myself an old timer but I do like the forum hags.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:09:19 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse. I have no problem with being thought of as narrow minded or a prude if I don't agree with someone. My judgments have stood me in good stead......after all you don't see me starting "HELP!!!!!!" threads now do you?

Who says you is a narrow minded prude? Who tell me who.

I always enjoy seeing LaT posting!

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:19:11 PM

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It is a place to hang out.

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:30:57 PM

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I've been thinking about this a lot because of the shit storm atmosphere I've seen around town. (So to speak) I believe it is very typical to remember the good old days in any area and gloss things up and forget certain other things. While I believe that CM boards have changed in context and posters since I have been here, I see some good and some bad. We do seem to have less meat in topics and a few less threads, but I also notice that we don't have as much of the harassment's and arguments that were a constant when I first got here. Even back in the good old days (since I got here), there were people who went about following one another around in threads, causing each (meaty thread) to become nothing but a few bulls in a china shop. You almost hated to go to a thread when you saw their nick or picture. I know some who ran from CM because of people harassing them and I will only speak of one that I know personally was attacked. Her posts spoke loudly of experience and knowledge, she was polite and extremely informative and attacked by some who were experienced and argumentative.

I find it not so funny that some who are screaming the loudest about the unfair things going on at CM were some of the worst of those tossing out testosterone back in the days of old. Now these board fighters have made some wonderful posts, but I think people forget the fighting of days of old that Mod Eleven had to deal with.

In anything, family dynamic’s, business or even a site online, any change will bring with it, those who complain about it. There were complaints before and there are now and there will always be. Try taking over a business or replace management with current clients or staff members or even try changing things at a site as big as CM. You are going to run into those that simply will not be happy with anything unless it suits them and often times their motives should be questioned. Try pleasing thousands of people! LOL… not a job I would want!

When I ran a medical support site, we didn’t get as much of the craziness you can clearly see that CM has, but we did get the competition attacking us to the point of shutting me down. We did get freaks who were going to stalk, harass or complain when they were called on something they did or simply because they were nuts. We did get many who were not stable in many ways that caused a lot of drama. We also got people who were not fit to moderate after choosing them very carefully and then finding that some special position took them to places hidden to all before they were a moderator. Then the legalities… omg! Talk about trying to run a gauntlet or work around loop hole after loop hole or personal takes on legal situations! Pure hell! Running a site not even close to the size of this one was very difficult and I worked night and day as it was. I can only imagine how bad it could be to deal with all this site could bring on in management nightmares.

What we see on the boards or profiles is just a bit of what a site owner or moderator will see. Many talk in ignorance of what it takes or what issues they cannot see that are a constant situation that is not broadcasted to the public. I challenge people to find a perfect site! LOL

What this site means to me whether it is exactly how I want it to be, like days of old or what it is now and will become, is the easiest site to function in, as consistent as it can be and a place I am loyal to because it is all that it is. What I don’t know or see, is something I am sure, someone here is taking care of. Can a site’s staff see all? I seriously doubt it and would think that this site depends on reports, not complaints and help in seeing what is going on. Some of those favoritism complaints I am sure fall into this area of what is seen and what is not seen or even known about someone or something.

You want to know something, you can learn it here. You want to laugh and play, you can laugh and play. Because CM is easy to use, some can take advantage of it and they bombard the site, but with reason, when I have contacted support about scammers and things I thought wrong, the response has been wonderful. The thing that makes CM great also makes CM vulnerable. Through the good and the bad, I find more good here than bad and so I stay.

To the complainers I would like to say… Be a part of the solution rather than the problem. AND… He who has no sin, cast the first stone!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to pahunkboy)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:41:21 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

I dont like some of what looks like favoritism with the mods, some folks with not many posts getting a cute name in their avatar spot while some peeps been here way longer and seem to be able to lose the stock thing written there.

Hi Heartcream,

What do you think is enough posts and time to justify a cute name in the avatar spot? I'm not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious as to what point you would find it did not imply favoritism?

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:41:32 PM

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From: USA
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For me, it is a place to hang out, read posts, occasionally post.. interact with those who have similar interests.. I don't really take it all so seriously.

I am sad that so many have left, many of them i admire and respect.

I have been on here one way or another scence 04. There have been many changes. Some good, some not so much.

I do wish more people would act like adults. We are not children, and should not act like we are. We should not have cliques.. or play favorites.

I wish the silliness was kept to the silly places created for such antics.

I'd like us to remember that we have all been new at one point, and so it is important to help those that need it, even if they could have used the search feature.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Collar Me, what is it to you? - 7/21/2010 12:45:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

I dont like some of what looks like favoritism with the mods, some folks with not many posts getting a cute name in their avatar spot while some peeps been here way longer and seem to be able to lose the stock thing written there.

Hi Heartcream,

What do you think is enough posts and time to justify a cute name in the avatar spot? I'm not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious as to what point you would find it did not imply favoritism?

Maybe if all requests were honored?

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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