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"Do me" slaves - 7/21/2010 9:45:51 PM

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On another thread, the topic of the do me slave was raised. I consider myself more of a service type slave than a do me guy. Early in my relationship with Ms. Mlicious, when she was a bit of a novice, it would have probably been easier for her if I was more the do me type. It would have given the lady more of a blueprint. As it was, she sometimes did not know what to do, how to be served without doing a scene. Any other ladies have similar experiences?

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/21/2010 11:19:08 PM

khem

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Sometimes "do-me" is easier with casual play-type partners. I can't really expect someone I've just met to know me well enough to be of service. I'm also pretty damn shy and I find swinging a flogger a LOT less intimate than being served.

This is why I can't have a stranger come clean my house - it's too personal. The traditional "you stay still or bound and I hurt you" formula is a known quantity in my mind. Service is personal.

(in reply to slavekal)

RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 5:03:41 AM

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We were intimate right away. Her difficulty was that she saw me as this experienced, seasoned scene player. She felt inadequate. She thought she had to come up with all these exotic scenarios, or I would get bored. It took a long time to make her understand that I am the one who is a dime a dozen. She is the one who can have her pick of a hundred sub males. A submissive male friend of ours would have been way better for her at first. He has no problem coming up with all sorts of scenes, and he is not shy about asking for them.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 5:48:01 AM

khem

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In my experience, the only times I've felt as if I needed to "perform" have come from pushy bottoms that I generally never see again. If someone is a huge energy drain for me, it's a clear sign that there is something about their personality that is incompatible with mine. The best partners I've had are the ones that inspire me to play - not the ones that feel as if I need to craft complex scenes in order to play with them. I think when I was newer, I would not have been able to make the distinction between a bottom pushing me and feeling unsure of what to do. It makes sense that your partner might have had some sorting out to do in her own head before she got to the place where she didn't question herself as much. I will say, however, that dominants/tops are not super-human - we all have moments of doubt and insecurity, regardless of how long we've been at this*.

I'd say service-oriented submissives are remarkably rare. If they are going for a dime a dozen, I'm clearly shopping in the wrong places.

* But we don't like to talk about this too often :P

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 5:57:49 AM

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Good point. I guess service oriented boys might be worth at least a quarter for a dozen.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 8:24:00 AM

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If they are into what I like doing, I have no problem with the "do me" type ;)

But I feel the same way as khem, letting somebody into my house to do the cleaning and trusting that person, it takes longer than for example just having a scene with somebody, it's a trust issue and one of privacy.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 9:05:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

On another thread, the topic of the do me slave was raised. I consider myself more of a service type slave than a do me guy. Early in my relationship with Ms. Mlicious, when she was a bit of a novice, it would have probably been easier for her if I was more the do me type. It would have given the lady more of a blueprint. As it was, she sometimes did not know what to do, how to be served without doing a scene. Any other ladies have similar experiences?

"Easier" to accomplish what, exactly? The answer is telling. Certainly not easier for her to have a good time with HER fantasies, right? Whose satisfaction is paramount?

I'm a sensual sadist and a femdom, bdsm, fetish-top who likes men who surrender to my cruel instincts. Nothing about my style or desire to dominate is benefited by knowing anything about a man's fantasies or fetishes, except when I am ready and interested in finding them out so I can use them against him. That doesn't even come until later anyway, because I have no shortage of ideas upon meeting new partners.

When I am attracted to a man, I have urges to do things to him that are considered cruel or sadistic by mainstream standards. Even a totally unsuspecting vanilla guy sitting next to me in a movie theater when I was in college - I wanted to do things to him that included bondage, humiliation and pain. Hooking up later on with an experienced submissive doesn't make it "easy" because he has a laundry list. The end game goal for me is not to keep him entertained and excited -- my goal is to scratch my sadistic itch, and my use of HIS fantasies/fetishes is just something I incorporate on my own terms - if at all. If he can't deal with putting my sadistic needs above his fetishes for once, he can find another femdom.

Akasha

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(in reply to slavekal)

RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 9:34:06 AM

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Good question, Kal. It's often occurred to me that this service stuff from a sub/slave must be peculiarly difficult for a new Domme to get to grips with. I always imagine a slight look of panic on a woman's face, as she thinks, "Hell - what do I get him to do now?'

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 9:43:52 AM

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Ha! For MsKitty it was "Paint my house". Then it was "paint my friend's house". Then, "move my stuff" (it had already been packed).

Man...if only had a problem figuring out what to have me do.

boi

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 9:52:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

We were intimate right away. Her difficulty was that she saw me as this experienced, seasoned scene player. She felt inadequate. She thought she had to come up with all these exotic scenarios, or I would get bored. It took a long time to make her understand that I am the one who is a dime a dozen. She is the one who can have her pick of a hundred sub males. A submissive male friend of ours would have been way better for her at first. He has no problem coming up with all sorts of scenes, and he is not shy about asking for them.

In my opinion this strikes me as an individual that was not secure in her leadership role. You most certainly wouldn't have to convince me of the obvious, that's why I'm in charge. Irregardless of the pickings she chose you, which suggests to me she made an informed decision that would include an awareness of your experience level versus hers and any emotional difficulties that might ensue because of it. This has nothing to do with conjuring scenes, which a quick Google search could remedy. It's related to the idea of control and the realities that it brings. A do me sub is only useful for a dominant that desires that form of submission. The inclination that he is solely focused on his needs suggests that the dominant is adhering to the whims of her subordinate which I find pretty peculiar in all truth.

~porcelaine

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 9:55:01 AM

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Aakasha, that is exactly how I feel. It took me a while to show the lady that it is all about her. She does not have to perform.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 10:01:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

She does not have to perform.

Maybe that's the clue. Perhaps the awkward thing for a Domme is that in being served she's essentially being 'passive'.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 10:01:22 AM

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Kal, man, I can't tell you how humored I'm starting to get reading the responses you're getting. I know, you love the intellectual discourse of discussing kinky stuff and relationships and people and all. This and that other thread are just getting funny, though.

Would it be inappropriate for you to post a link to your's and MsM's blogs from here? Maybe a little more insight might help the observers see the situation for what it is?

boi

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 10:11:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

We were intimate right away. Her difficulty was that she saw me as this experienced, seasoned scene player. She felt inadequate. She thought she had to come up with all these exotic scenarios, or I would get bored. It took a long time to make her understand that I am the one who is a dime a dozen. She is the one who can have her pick of a hundred sub males. A submissive male friend of ours would have been way better for her at first. He has no problem coming up with all sorts of scenes, and he is not shy about asking for them.

Who cares if the bottom is "bored"? Are we talking about female domination?

If I feel like doing the same, nasty, erotic and degrading "scene" to my partner 6 nights in a row because it rocks my kinky world and gets me hot - it's tough luck if he gets bored, so long as I am getting off. When a femdom starts trying to second guess her pleasure by wondering if the sub is entertained, her self confidence starts to erode.

He can get *bored* with what I am doing, but he sure as hell shouldn't be *bored* with how turned on it makes me. If he's properly motivated with the appropriate carrot -- MY pleasure and not HIS, then he'd be over the moon at this point. A femdom certainly knows how to take a man's fetishes and use them as the sprinkle, the sauce, the extra 'wow' to tighten control, but her foundation is best set as *her* pleasure and freedom FROM worry. At least, that's how it works for me.

If a sub is bored with my bondage, strap on, humiliation play - he should find a femdom that doesn't 'bore' him. I'm not going to start doing x, y, z fantasy and skipping my fantasies just to keep him interested. If I wanted that kind of relationship, I'd go vanilla.

Akasha

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(in reply to slavekal)

RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 10:59:13 AM

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That is kind of what I was telling her. Although if you make your slave too bored for too long, he will eventually leave. But yes, it is all about the Domme being served and enjoying herself. It took a while for Ms. M to come to that understanding.
Regarding being passive and regarding the blogs...I plan to do a post about a rather passive but enjoyable evening the lady recently had.

slave2catwoman.blogspot.com
earthacatslair.blogspot.com

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 11:22:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

That is kind of what I was telling her. Although if you make your slave too bored for too long, he will eventually leave. But yes, it is all about the Domme being served and enjoying herself. It took a while for Ms. M to come to that understanding.
Regarding being passive and regarding the blogs...I plan to do a post about a rather passive but enjoyable evening the lady recently had.

slave2catwoman.blogspot.com
earthacatslair.blogspot.com

I misunderstood and didn't realize she was new to femdom and you taught her about topping. Now it makes sense. Whatever works for two people obviously.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 11:57:55 AM

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She was very new and unsure of herself then. She used to get mad at me because I wasn't more of a do me type...I refused to tell her what to do. She appreciates that now. Gotta run. Will be serving as the lady's rickshaw boy this afternoon...and you know she loves that.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 12:01:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

On another thread, the topic of the do me slave was raised. I consider myself more of a service type slave than a do me guy. Early in my relationship with Ms. Mlicious, when she was a bit of a novice, it would have probably been easier for her if I was more the do me type. It would have given the lady more of a blueprint. As it was, she sometimes did not know what to do, how to be served without doing a scene. Any other ladies have similar experiences?

In one sense, not really. If a boy with a hot bod offers himself over to me, within reasonably negotiated limits, I don't have a lot of trouble thinking about the ways I might want to get my hands on him and play him like a fine instrument. I definitely will explore the crevices of his mind as well as his body, and get a sense of what kind of stimulus makes him respond most intensely.

In the service sense, I have no idea how to put a boy to use unless he's been clear and explicit with his resume. It is an utter waste of time to put someone to cleaning my home if they don't know the first thing about what they are doing. I'll spend more time teaching and micromanaging than I would have just doing it myself, and that's not an investment I'd make except in a committed LTR. But this is also a problem correctable by requiring him to report on what he's done (or perhaps fantasized about) in the past and how it made him feel, as well as what his real, practical skills are.

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RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 2:05:27 PM

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slavekal,

quote:

It took a long time to make her understand that I am the one who is a dime a dozen. She is the one who can have her pick of a hundred sub males. (snip to next post) It took me a while to show the lady that it is all about her.

Perhaps it is simply your wording (and not the intended meaning) that rubs me the wrong way here. However, if this *is* the intended meaning, I believe this is utter rubbish. Do you really think your partner would be with you if you're so easily interchangeable and replaceable? I'm certainly not a dime a dozen and I doubt you are either. As for the "all about her" modus oprandi... not in any relationship that has a chance of longevity.

quote:

She does not have to perform.

You're more on track here. I'll add though, you don't need to perform either. Neither of you *need* to do anything. However, hopefully the two of you engage in BDSM and do the things you do on each side of the proverbial "whip" because you want to and because it provides mutual reward and pleasure.

E.

(in reply to slavekal)

RE: "Do me" slaves - 7/22/2010 2:21:05 PM

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Peon,

quote:

Good question, Kal. It's often occurred to me that this service stuff from a sub/slave must be peculiarly difficult for a new Domme to get to grips with. I always imagine a slight look of panic on a woman's face, as she thinks, "Hell - what do I get him to do now?"

This is exactly why great submissives are hard to find and a gem to find. For starters, it helps if the genesis of dominance comes from the woman's desire for this kind of dynamic and structure in her relationships, even if she found out about dominance from a submissive partner. Assuming this as the foundation, when a submissive see's their partner needing assistance, they can help without usurping - coming to your partner with a list of household chores that need to get done and asking for help allocating and prioritizing, finding out what turns your partner on, letting your partner know about a seminar she might be interested in and that she (or the two of you) could go to. I've never considered the role of "executive assistant" a passive one. Just as with dominance/leadership, the role of follower takes great skill.

Elan.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

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