How about those mutant zucchini everyone's great aunt grows? You know, the ones about 18 inches long and 5 inches in diameter? Just the thing for breaking someone in.
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ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
A lamp? I was thinking a little anal fisting but not my fists they are just to damn small for the job or perhaps just shove a nice wood base ball bat up there. Wow. That would teach ya!