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ElanSubdued -> RE: What should I know before going on a Play Date with a Dom (7/27/2010 5:19:57 PM)
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sexylady2010,
You've received lots of great advice. Should you go ahead with the arrangement in the OP, LadyPact's suggestion is what I also suggest, as follows:
quote:
LadyPact:
I would also suggest that the four of you meet for lunch before anyone agrees that there will be a play date. That's for you, your husband, the potential Dom, and his wife to all sit face to face so everyone knows about the arrangement. Everybody needs to be ok with this.
This is the number one thing I'd do. It's not as convenient as just getting together to "play", but doing so eliminates a lot of risk and the potential for differences in the communicated versus actual feelings of partners not directly involved.
All of that said, I've got another suggestion and I recommend this over the play date you're currently planning. You live in Alberta. There are a number of kinky events and BDSM societies in Alberta. Go on FetLife and search for groups that reflect your area. Find out what events are going on and go to something that appeals to you. You might have to dress in fetish gear, but if you choose something more seminar oriented or a private event hosted at the home of a well known dominant or submissive in your community, you can likely go dressed anyway you like. Do your research and find out the people who are well respected in the Alberta kink community. You may end up writing and talking to a number of people to verify the event you're going to. Once there, you'll meet people and start talking, just as you would at any vanilla event.
The idea is to meet people and to gain experience in your local community, not to play. Once you've been to a few events and met some people, you can make a more informed decision about who might be a good play partner. Spend time learning about BDSM, face-to-face, with other people. Be honest and up front about your situation. At a private event and when talking face-to-face with people, you'll find others are accepting and understanding. Make sure your husband is involved in this process and knows about and agrees to the events you're going to.
When you make friends at an event, exchange online handles (on FetLife) and hang out with these people doing non-kinky, non-play things. Get to know kinky people as friends first and judge their character outside of play. While this isn't as "instant" an approach as the meeting in your OP, I can almost guarantee that taking the time to learn about your local, BDSM community and to make friends in that community will provide a more satisfying, safer entry to BDSM. The world of BDSM when you meet people face-to-face and in a safe, public or well known private group environment is totally different from meeting on an online dating site. I highly recommend this approach. Make kinky, non-play friends first. The rest will develop from there and simultaneously you can negotiate with your husband as to what he's comfortable with before you play with someone.
Final suggestion (again, underlining something LadyPact wrote), get The Bottoming Book. Actually, get The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book, and read them both. These are a great starting place for someone new. Each book focuses from the perspective of its title, but the information applies to all kinksters, regardless of whether you're on the top or bottom side of things. It's a really good idea to understand both sides of the whip - issues of importance to dominants and, respectively, issues of importance to submissives.
Good luck exploring,
Elan.
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