RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

quietWonder -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 6:58:43 PM)

i use to get really upset when peeps disputed my comments and took everything very personal, but then i turned it all around and took the positive out of it; it teaches me more about myself and teaches me more about the people in which become involved in threads and/or chat with me.  it is a win win and if it isn't than it is damn funny to say the least.  Don't let it bother you mixielicous, if you are going to make a post and if there is something you want to keep private then just don't say it.  If you believe truely and stongly in what you state and are able to back it up with valid logic, hey you can't go wrong.  lmao however that is my take.  When i can't stand the heat .......... i really do stay out of the kitchen......  Be well and don't worry so much about the cybersycrocies out here :)



mnottertail -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 7:02:20 PM)

I rarely quote from the bible, but -- What did you come out here to see?  A reed shaken by the wind?

BDSM is no Nirvana, that boat sailed when Cobain cakked hisself.

You are so not alone in your thoughts that do not include standard textbook sex (you know; the hydra places his ovipositor in the female's ganglion of ilgenhans)

Other than that we are so very normal.

Toughen up! It is a cold, cruel world out there.

You are on track to become jaded by 27 or so...

LOLOLOL,
Ron 



BitaTruble -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 7:17:10 PM)

quote:



it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.




Now, I've done my fair share of both toasting and roasting, but I really only get my hypothetical panties in a wad over two issues. Inaccurate medical information and censorship. Playing with assholes is a hobby as I'm all over ass play, but I find it bores me after just a few posts so generally stop once I get it out of my system. As this is the Internet, I doubt... everything. Call me a skeptic, a cynic or just a flat out old broad who's seen too much of life to take everything I read as utter truth, but overall, sincere questions for educational purposes get sincere answers outta me with the caveat that they are all my own opinions unless I'm stating something which is factual and can be backed up with empirical and/or scientific evidence to support it. In those cases I offer links or books so one can research the facts for themselves. Other than that, I would hate a pink bunnies/purple striped flowers forum. Dull with a capital D.

Celeste



enthralled -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 7:18:16 PM)

One thing to take into consideration is that in this cyber world of chat & chance, there's much to say about perception. Sometimes the absense of 'tone of voice' can make a harmless reply seemingly vicious. If we're looking for the negative, we'll most certainly find it ... one way or another.
As for a place for learning, to some extent maybe, but I mainly look at it all as just interactive discussion- an exchange of ideas, thoughts, and opinion. I prefer to learn via workshops, reading, demos, or life experience.
I may make a post for 'advice' here, but the majority of the time I have the answer before I even post- as do MANY...... which brings me to my point, I believe what upsets a fraction of the people that take it so personally is that they present the question/scenerio/problem hoping for validation or agreement on something they already had the answer to; then BANG ...... not all the replies are peaches and cream! ........or is it wine and roses? Oh well ......
If someone doesnt like what I post, they have a 'block' option and vice-versa. If I choose not to use that option and keep coming back to the boards, then I am very well choosing to subject myself to the opinions of others...... even if only by choosing to read them.
Just my cent worth .... I'm running a discount this week <lol>

Respectfully,
enthralled



maybemaybenot -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 7:34:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.



mix:
Maybe it's age, maybe it's life's experience, maybe it's just me, but I have learned not to take myself that seriously. I am not being a smart ass, but who the hell cares if some one snickers at you/me ? I go as far as to say if someone laughs at me in real life  ehh... no biggie. at least I made them smile.
I'm comfortable with me, and if my question or story brings about negative responses from a some people, it does not diminish what I think of myself.
I try not to be harsh when posting, but being human, it happens. IMO, if you see the same poster being mean, rude,intolerant all the time... you simply ignore them or read their posts as jaded. If you recognize a poster as generally being helpful, objective, even if it is said in an " in your face way", those are the ones you give the weight to.

We are a large mix of personalities, some say it diplomatically, some say it abruptly.. just like in real life. You take what you want and leave the rest.
I liked cinful's example: I have friends who will hold my hand and others tell me I am being an asshole... both are intigral parts of my life and have the same respect. Some times the hand holding isn't going to help me, and sometimes the slap in the face isn't going to help me... Depends on the circumstance. 

Parting words: You do know if some one speaks harshly to you, you don't have to sit back and suck it up.. you are free to " fire back ". < within the TOS >

That's why gags are a hard limit for me. I have a voice and it will be heard [8D] LOL.

                            mbmbn



Sensualips -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 7:56:07 PM)

quote:

The attitude on this forum has changed and very rarely do I see constructive advice or opinions given to anyone. 


I have only been around six months, so I can not speak to any change.  However, I see a large majority of posts containing sincere advice and well intentioned opinions. both to new people and regulars.



WyrdRich -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 8:35:34 PM)

      I love it.  The snarling and backbiting, the slings and arrows, those great moments when some poor soul tries to make peace between the warring factions only to have both sides turn on them.

     Sometimes you have to just watch and learn who has a clue and who has exactly the right answer (if you catch them on a good day).  I enjoy watching people change and grow as life kicks the "experts" right square in the teeth.

       Post a question on here and you will get answers from everywhere and every level, maybe an essay from a PhD right next to a one liner from a guttersweep. 

        It's the raw exchange of ideas and if it isn't pretty all the time, so be it.



sweetnessforsir -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 8:48:39 PM)

Sometimes, not always, it is the caustic tongue that cuts to the truth you need to hear.  It is by no means pleasant, but it is helpful.  <that kind of sucks, but i find it to be true>

s



IronBear -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 8:52:37 PM)

We've got a reasonably large population here in CM and I guess you get a good cross reference to and comparable town or location regarding size.. You ger arse holes and you get Gods/Goddesses. Most are a mix of both.. We just speak our for the reason we can and yet don't have to wollry about stones through the window of a lynch mob heading in our direction... In that way we tend to be more honest.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 9:23:37 PM)

Neither, you are piggly-wiggly dont  cha think?[:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Um Tigress...am I cranky, or a snarky butt?[;)]



Evanesce -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 9:59:57 PM)

quote:

but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?

isnt it a place for learning?


Nope.  It's a place for discussing, and sometimes discussions aren't pleasant.  As we've all learned at some point, discussion lists and thin skins do not mix well. 



Arpig -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 10:35:19 PM)

Ouch!!!



Gauge -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/17/2006 10:59:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i have read a lot of threads in here and i am mildly horrified at some of the responses recieved.


Oh boy... here we go...

quote:

now, i understand that its totally legit to doubt someone's stories, to wonder why they would desire to do something without being prepared, i even understand telling someone why a possible activity could possibly be a bad idea.

but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?


Yes, it is a place to learn, if one is willing to learn and receive advice both positive and negative.

quote:

isnt it a place for learning?

instead, most of what i see are people being chopped down, berrated for their questions and beliefs, and simply put to doubt.


Which is a better way to learn than to have someone challenge your ideas and beliefs? It makes you think and explain why you believe the way you do. It makes you use your brain.

quote:

ever heard the motto if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all? it seems to allude many here.


Ever hear the saying, "If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it because you will get it and you might not like what I have to say." If you post questions, ideas or belief systems, be prepared to make account for your words. This is not a place to get warm huggy kisses. It isn't a place to feel wonderful about everything and you hear the birds chirping with every post. Come on... it is the Internet and if you don't have a thick enough skin to take the good with the bad then perhaps a nice knitting message board would be more the speed that you would be comfortable with.

quote:

[and this is no way directed towards anyone inparticular, because many people are guilty of it]

it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.


You either learn to sift through things or you allow them to get to you, it is your choice. If you put yourself out there, you will get all sorts of responses. Be prepared for anything or learn to discern what is advice for you that you can use and advice that makes no matter to you.





Dustyn -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 1:49:25 AM)

First and foremost, online anonymity, even when someone uses their actual name, like myself, allows for a much more lax enforcement of proper etiquette.

For lack of a better way to put it, I can describe every single second of what would go into putting my fist into someone's mouth.  I could give details from here to there and back again, and no matter how vividly I create the scene in your mind, there is no physical damage.  There is no danger of getting one's ass stomped online, basically.  Most people won't just blast away like some people do online, for various reasons.  Manners, fear of reprisals, so on and so forth, which is why I tend to type almost exactly how I would talk in person.

Then again, the worst someone could do to me is kill me.  Big deal.  Gonna happen anyway, so why sweat it.

I don't think there is a single person online that hasn't made a rude, crude or socially unacceptable remark about or to someone at least once.  Most try to avoid doing it, just out of politeness.  Others see it as a way to be a massive prick without worrying about a cue stick to the forehead, or worse.  Some, like me at times, enjoy stirring things up to avoid complacency and to see how people react.  Then again, I openly admit and am proud to be a Bastard in almost every sense of the word.

But honestly, if words on a screen make you feel uncomfortable about yourself, you got bigger issues than someone's snide remarks.

Just my take on the whole issue.

- Dustyn



sharainks -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 4:10:15 AM)

Every time I see people shredding others on a site I always think of a saying my dad had.  "Good manners and good grooming will never really go out of style."  I've never seen the point of flaming someone you don't know just because you don't agree with their point of view. 

It seems like a lot of time people use the online format to work through hostilities they can't express in their daily life.  I would hate to see CM turn into what the forums at another popular site have turned into.  So far I'm pretty impressed with CM.  Overall the posters here seem to be intelligent, pleasant and helpful.



meatcleaver -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 4:49:45 AM)

Just enjoy the bitterness, the competitiveness, the bitching and the back biting and don't take it all too seriously. Before I started posting I read many self congratulatory posts about how honest and ethical the life style is and then one guy posted having obviously been badly burnt, complaining about how sad it is that not everyone lives up to the ideals of the life style so someone started a thread complaining as to why someone should expect more of people in the life style than out in vanilla. The whole episode was a hoot, I had tears in my eyes from laughter.

This is the internet. You have to sift through the crap but there are good bits and plenty of entertainment.



amayos -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 5:23:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
i have read a lot of threads in here and i am mildly horrified at some of the responses recieved. now, i understand that its totally legit to doubt someone's stories, to wonder why they would desire to do something without being prepared, i even understand telling someone why a possible activity could possibly be a bad idea. but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?

isnt it a place for learning?

instead, most of what i see are people being chopped down, berrated for their questions and beliefs, and simply put to doubt. it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.


You are indeed correct, despite the flood of resistance to the points you made in this post. There is a great deal of ineffectual berating, misinformation and smarmy game playing on these boards that is completely unjustified (you're a long way from humbled females, dear). ;)

Nonetheless, there is a lot of good reading here from many good sources, and intelligent conversations do in fact happen. Scour the boards and find the little nuggets of truth that stand out, and just ignore the rest.



MLskajira -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 5:45:00 AM)

thisa girl has just abadnoed one of her threads because of a dom and his gaggle of subs that wanted to pick apart everything this girl said. they have called this girl a liar and accused her of being mentally ill ,so she has just walked away. when they find something that entertains them more than attacking this girl, then she may go back.
 wonder if they will chase this girl around the boards and attack her where they find her.
 this girl is pretty thick skinned, but if these personal attacks persist, KoM and his little harem just may succeed in running this girl off of collarme altogether.



artglfr -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 6:41:08 AM)

It's all good. I notice we are all usually having a very good time. Everyone , myself included get razzed, it is part of being on a public forum, laughter is good.

Some people deserve ridicule and derision and guess what this is the place to get it. When I write something more stupid than usual I get it, We all do.

Relax, take it all with a grain of salt, think of witty, pithy comments and enjoy the ride.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Who needs manners when we're all strangers... right? (4/18/2006 7:00:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
but what i dont understand is why people on this forum pick each other to pieces. isnt this a place, a refuge for us to come, and ask advice/opinions from like minded persons?

If you want advice and opinions from people- you aren't asking for refuge.  If you want refuge, go find a puppy. 

And I'm not sure what made you think we're like minded.  Are vanillas like minded?
quote:


isnt it a place for learning?

And do you think people learn more when they are given hugs or when they are forced to look at different ideas?

I think both are great depending on the circumstance.  And sometimes I force when people want me to hug. 
quote:


instead, most of what i see are people being chopped down, berrated for their questions and beliefs, and simply put to doubt.

Why shouldn't they be put to doubt, if there is something to doubt?

If an idea cannot stand up to honest, intelligent criticism, then it can't.  Again, there are a variety of ways of giving honest and intelligent criticism, and honeestly I think the majority you get here are helpful and useful- with the jerks making themselves obvious and thus easily avoidable.
quote:


ever heard the motto if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all? it seems to allude many here.

elude...if you only want to hear nice things from others, go get a puppy.  No this does not excuse rude behavior, but when you put something in a public forum, you have to expect a variety of answers, not all of which will be the "hug it's all going to be ok" variety.

quote:

it makes me pensive to post my questions/doubts/worries because i wonder if people will snicker and post replies that are so offensive they make my heart race.

Is that your issue on being too oversensitive and letting an ONLINE forum control your feelings?

You aren't going to change what people post.  You can only change how you  react towards it.  I think the majority of things posted here are fun, interesting, thought-provoking and good social fodder.


Damnit LA... if we keep agreeing like this people are gonna start talking!!!



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875