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Maturity... - 9/22/2004 3:19:25 PM

angelkel

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/10/2004
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I have recently started talking to a 20 year old male (Dom) who is incredibly new to the lifestyle(never played), but who is very interested in learning. I am 25 years old and submissive and many consider me more mature then my age. I have been playing r/l for about 2 years now and was online for 4-5 years before that. I have always been more attractted to the older men for maturity reason but don't want to just blow this younger one off. Could you all offer me some advice on trying to have a relationship with a new Dom and with someone 5 years younger then me.

Thanks.

kel

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RE: Maturity... - 9/22/2004 3:39:12 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Here are two other threads that may help you:

18 years old

does age matter?

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: Maturity... - 9/22/2004 4:20:58 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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kel,
Chronological age shouldn't necessarily be a road block to meeting him. You can find plenty of real good examples of immature 40+ Doms by just perusing the profiles. I would take it under consideration, but meet him and see how it goes. It's a very different dynamic when a submissive has more experience then the Dom, regardless of the age of each. I think that will be a more difficult obstacle. If you do hit it off, educate him regarding getting a mentor and that may expedite the process.

That said, I'll report that beth and I did meet with a submissive who was 19 and very mature and confident. But as nice and compatible as she was, I couldn't get over the fact that I have a 19 year old daughter. (beth is sitting here giggling next to me!)

Merc & beth

(in reply to angelkel)

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RE: Maturity... - 9/23/2004 8:51:12 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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If you're 'forcing' yourself to accept him it won't work. Nothing anyone says here can make you want to play with a younger and inexperienced Dom if you don't really want to. I don't have an interest in younger men either. It's how I feel. Accept it and move on.

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RE: Maturity... - 9/25/2004 12:37:44 PM

angelkel

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/10/2004
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Maybe I should have asked....

How does a submissive teach a Dom?

Because it isn't the younger I have a problem with as long as he is mature for his age.

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RE: Maturity... - 9/25/2004 8:27:35 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

Maybe I should have asked....

How does a submissive teach a Dom?

I taught Hubby by topping from the bottom, watching bondage videos with Him, and directing Him to some websites.

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: Maturity... - 9/26/2004 11:07:07 AM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelkel
How does a submissive teach a Dom?

You show him some good sites and books, and maybe some bad ones, so he can see things from different angles. You introduce him to others who he can discuss things with, you talk a lot about what you want, what he wants, and remember that we were all new at some point.

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RE: Maturity... - 9/26/2004 1:29:11 PM

MattyP

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/17/2004
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My own situation is from a different perspective than yours, Angelkel. I am an 18 year old Dom, who had Dommed online for years. I enjoy my youth, but at times I curse it, since many people will judge you for your age, and this is especially true when you are talking about prospective partners. I remember the first private message I have received on collarme.com was a reply from a married submissive in my area who was offering to talk to people and offer them advice. So I expressed interest in developing a dialogue, since I know nothing of Tacoma yet, and the very first thing she said was, "My, aren't you a young thing? Make me feel old!" A relatively harmless remark, but the fact that she noted it at all made me feel like some kind of brand was being placed upon me.

Nobody knows better than I that, more often than not, people in my age group can be foolish, immature, and working simply to find kink. But I hope that I, at least, offer proof that there can be mature young people. My advice to you would be try to take it casual with him for a while. Don't even make it about D/s for the first few get togethers. Just see if he is worth it to you as a mature individual. And remember: D/s is all about stepping outside your comfort zone occassionally. You never know when you'll get very comfortable indeed when you do.

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RE: Maturity... - 9/30/2004 3:24:47 PM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MattyP

My own situation is from a different perspective than yours, Angelkel. I am an 18 year old Dom, who had Dommed online for years.

So exactly how do you dominate online for years when your only 18? That means you started dominating others online at 16? I don't really mean to offend (but I am aware that this post will likely be taken as such), but if you haven't really done something.... then you haven't done it. It would be like saying "I've had online sex with women for years" - No you haven't, at best you have had a lot of sex with yourself and maybe some mutual masturbation (while there is nothing wrong with that). You really haven't had sex with anyone else.

Domination; in my definition (standard caveats apply); requires a partner to dominate. You need a real live human being taking the role of a submissive. Other wise your back to mutual (and in this case, mostly mental) masturbation.

Online insulates you from the real nitty-gritty details that happen when two people interact physically and emotionally and mentally while inhabiting the same little bit of planet earth. It’s real easy to say “Ok I will let you tell me what to do online”, it is much different in person.

Just my .02

Peace and Light
Terry

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RE: Maturity... - 9/30/2004 3:39:10 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
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I agree with just about everything everybody said, (remarkable, huh?).
I also found the comments of MattyP to be wise for his age, and well thought out.
I still think that you cannot be taught to be a Dominant, it is something you are. You can be taught technique, or knot tricks, but to me, a Dom, is a Dom, is a Dom!
I agree with getting a mentor, he can guide both of you through the baby steps, but how you connect, and at what level is up to you.

Terry, is that a Night Train in your avatar?

look at this one

Attachment (1)

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RE: Maturity... - 9/30/2004 6:06:35 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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Good luck MattyP. I definitely agree that online Domming is not experience at all. It's a fantasy. The reality is so much different.

Also, I think I'd take a young Dom more seriously if he wasn't calling himself Matty, that's a kid name. I don't mean to offend you, just telling you from my perspective as an old woman (39). lol

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