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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:17:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Here's what I want you to do.

Go out and run for three miles.  If you jog regularly, run two extra miles than you usually do.  When you are done, I want you to access the way your mind and body feel when you stop.  That is the closest non kink way to feel what subspace feels like.  I have a feeling the two states of mind are not going to compare when you put that in comparison to the way you feel when your boyfriend yells at you.  It's called runner's high.  You can research that on google along with doing the exercise. 

Moving on.

I actually do agree with Ron.  You need to talk to this person and let them know that what is happening between the two of you doesn't seem very much like a consensual situation, which is what those participating in BDSM are supposed to be involved in.  From what you are saying here, these episodes sound more like outbursts of anger, rather than play.  If it's not play, explain to him why it makes you uneasy and possibly afraid of the situation.  If he can't change the way he reacts, it is time to cut contact with him.  You can get more information on potential abuse from your local Domestic Violence shelter.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:21:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		hes punched holes in his wall, was she there?

nowhere does it say she was crying on the floor as he was screaming.

however; it does say that it sends her to 'subspace' (my doubts that she knows what that is, aside) and she even tempts him into the situation (sounds like a sammy to me)

What the fuck are you folks reading, are you reading on a different thread than I, and just posting it here?  

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:23:02 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		Holy shit you've got me fired up now. Having overcome such a situation I can say that a person like that is only going to become worse as time goes by. This is unhealthy on so many levels. No matter what your age, instinct is instinct and if that instinct is fear then you need to listen to it and leave.
Confused teenagers? really? come on




(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:27:34 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, you're young you'll get over it.  Sorry we don't see eye to eye, but that's gonna happen.   Until she comes out here and explains at length what shes leaving out.......

And LP and I are on the same page.  Have the 'come to jesus' meeting, weeping, gnashing of teeth and the whole fuckoree.  I left it out but she said it, 'and if that don't get it, do whatever it takes to flush the fucker'.  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:29:19 PM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Snowpuppy, You are getting a lot of good advise. I also think that you are not going to listen to much of it and won't leave until you get hurt. I hope you make the right decision and get far away from him and stay away...

< Message edited by servantforuse -- 7/27/2010 12:30:33 PM >

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:30:42 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah I said my piece and made my little smiley blow up, now I can go bake a cake

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:32:08 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL,

make it with gusto!!!! hey, emotional issues all around us.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:35:06 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		Nah I'll make it with chocolate instead, I'll save ya the spoon to lick...then I'll beat you with it for gettin me riled up! hahahahahaha

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:37:32 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		a devils food cake then?

The devil has knowledge of human frailties because of his age and experience, not because he is the devil.

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:41:29 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have to wonder if it is abuse or harassed until there is a lashing out. In this situation I see it taking two to tango and whatever is going on is not honest or healthy. So she says... I love that subspace... gotta have that subspace... think I will just test the water a bit... maybe I can get some subspace. Teens are notorious for pushing buttons to get a win and these are teens.

I remember when my daughter was young, she would put herself into situations with her boyfriend so that she could see his jealousy. Some guy would look at her in a store or say something and she would get angry or offended and say... honey that guy... did you see what he did? Then the jealousy, the protector... the drama. She was getting what she needed out of it that needed to come in a more healthy manner.

Any man that hits in anger is called an abuser and I mostly agree... but how much does one take before wanting to hit a wall? I know I have hit a wall... well actually didn't hit a wall but I did throw something and once tore my bathroom up because of what my kids were suffering for a long time. We all have a breaking point.

If she isn't tempting his anger to get to subspace as she thinks it is and I am assuming something not said or that is happening, I am sorry, but I think there is a whole lot more to this story and I am positive that fault could be found on both sides.

I remember those later teen years and early adulthood as a very active learning process... self examination was a big part of my process. I would hope that the op does some self examination as well as situational, relationship examination and finds a healthier way to get into adulthood. 

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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:43:48 PM   
WhipStich81


Posts: 66
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		this is stupid. if you get hit because you dont know the difference btween abuse and bdsm lifestyle-you deserve what comes your way

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:45:18 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, saw your intro, thanks for the heads up, stud. 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:51:06 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, maybe not screaming, but she was afraid he'd hurt her, and not in the fun sexy way.

"and last time a few days ago I just sat their on the floor crying as he got all mad since I didn't want him to hurt me"

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

hes punched holes in his wall, was she there?

nowhere does it say she was crying on the floor as he was screaming.



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:54:11 PM   
WhipStich81


Posts: 66
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		heads up? you got issues. i said my opinion.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 12:57:32 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		look,  you stick your finger in the fan cuz you like to hear it scream, and you have no responsibility when it tears your finger off? 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:07:41 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That is true, I have mis behaved enough and pushed his patience enough and been just a bit to nasty with a careless comment, that Daddy has just literally come un glued and started shouting at me, and telling me I was  being  a bitch,* and I was,* push it just a bit farther, and see what happens. He wasn't threatening violence either, he was threatening to get up and walk out if I wanted to continue to push him and stomp on his feelings with nasty careless comments.

It wasn't our most proudest moments, no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I have to wonder if it is abuse or harassed until there is a lashing out. In this situation I see it taking two to tango and whatever is going on is not honest or healthy.

Any man that hits in anger is called an abuser and I mostly agree... but how much does one take before wanting to hit a wall?

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:11:00 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR,

Folks, might it not be good to accentuate the positive a bit at this point?  Such as: describe what sub space could be like with a true BDSM dominant rather than someone who's only angry and aggressive?

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:18:25 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I personally only know what sub space is like for me, so I wouldn't be much help, outside of my own prospective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR,

Folks, might it not be good to accentuate the positive a bit at this point?  Such as: describe what sub space could be like with a true BDSM dominant rather than someone who's only angry and aggressive?

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:24:59 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR,

Folks, might it not be good to accentuate the positive a bit at this point?  Such as: describe what sub space could be like with a true BDSM dominant rather than someone who's only angry and aggressive?

In My experience, there are two ways in common that people have described what it feels like to experience sub space.  One I have recommended to the OP.  The other I will not because of her age.  The third option would be to have her play with someone where she might experience sub space during the scene.  I don't think that is the best recommendation at this point.  It will only complicate matters.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Boyfriend - unaware of subspace - 7/27/2010 1:31:45 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		you can clearly see this is not a good thing,so easiest answer go. Abuse or temper control,from a man you'd like to be dominating is not good. Find a local munch,stay on here and look around head into a good chat like passions_for_ submission,research what you need to look for the next time. you are subspacing because you are seeking to get away in your head,i do that for pain and when im upset its a self hypnosis of breathing control. But you have to see you have a poor partner or you cant move forward. Next time communicate your needs well,avoid a vanilla guy with a macho temper,some women like that till they land in the ER. you will learn,lets hope it's not the injury way hon. Be well ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 40
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