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desillusions and surprises - 9/22/2004 6:29:06 PM

monsieur42

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I am curious to hear people's experiences on their dicovery of BDSM activities.

a)What did you have strong fantasies for initially, but found later that it was not as exciting in real life as you thought it would be?

b) what did you find uninteresting or gross when you first discovered that such activity existed but later surprised your-self in being excited by the idea and/or living the experience.

For me, a down was the real life experience of pain in general. I do not get any maso thrill from it. I have to concentrate on the pleasure of satisfying the sadistic pleasures of my Mistress to make the experience tolerable.

On the up side, I initially found any toilet game quite repelling, but somehow I now got the GS activities turned into a rather erotic concept in my brain. I would put cuckoldry in a similar category except that I never experimented with it in real life.

And you, how have you evolved in your desires?

Monsieur42

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/24/2004 10:27:36 AM

Suleiman

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Hmmmm... you know, maybe it's the vivid nature of my imagination, but none of my "realistic" fantasies were really all that different from the later reality. Then again, why bother with reality in a spank fantasy when you can defy the laws of time, space, physics, and consent?

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/24/2004 11:31:50 AM

sub4hire

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quote:

a)What did you have strong fantasies for initially, but found later that it was not as exciting in real life as you thought it would be?

b) what did you find uninteresting or gross when you first discovered that such activity existed but later surprised your-self in being excited by the idea and/or living the experience.

My answer is no and no. I never fantasized about being tied up. I'm not saying I don't adore bondage. Just never had any such fantasies. For me it is more mental.

I'm pretty much open minded to most activities. What excites me about it, is when I see another going on and on about something. Then I just have to try it. More often than not I like it.

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/27/2004 12:24:42 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monsieur42
a)What did you have strong fantasies for initially, but found later that it was not as exciting in real life as you thought it would be?

I can’t say I ever encountered this. Pretty much everything I imagined was just as good or better in reality in terms of BDSM.

The only thing that for a long time remained a fantasy and wasn’t translating itself into a reality was a the relationship dynamics that I needed in a BDSM relationship. In the past, I’ve had a really hard time finding the perfect balance of all the qualities I seek in a submissive partner. I either met people who were too submissive for my liking (read too needy or not independent enough… I’m *so* not a micromanager) or who were too aloof and expected me to cater to their submissive needs. I started believing that I could never have a submissive as my primary partner. For those reasons, I reverted to open vanilla relationships or relationships with other dominants and had submissive playmates on the side.

Recently, I found the closest thing to ideal with my latest boy. He is just the right balance of devoted and independent, respectful and opinionated, obedient and challenging. It will be interesting to see how this develops.

quote:

ORIGINAL: monsieur42
b) what did you find uninteresting or gross when you first discovered that such activity existed but later surprised your-self in being excited by the idea and/or living the experience.

Anilingus seemed repulsive at first. I remember being 23 and having some guy do it to me and just slapping his face and then bursting out laughing (this was apparently a vanilla dynamic). He looked a little shocked but then explained to me that this was a major turn on for him and begged me to let him do it. I let him try it again a few weeks later and now all I can say is… how hot is that? ;)

- LA

P.S. Woo hoo! I got me a ping pong paddle!! Being Corrupted is fun ;)

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 9/27/2004 12:25:40 AM >

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/27/2004 7:17:05 AM

MaitresseEden

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quote:

a)What did you have strong fantasies for initially, but found later that it was not as exciting in real life as you thought it would be?

Flogging and some bondage.. Bores me to tears. Tying someone up cause physical limitations and discomforts that take away from the flexibliy or the comforts of sexual contact, is a waste of time to me. and putting someone up against the wall and wailing on them for the hell of it is boreing and does nothing for me whatsoever. Rack em and smack.. just puts me to sleep, be it watching others or doing it my self. I have to have eroticism and sexual contact . Now rack em smack em fuck em.. is a good thing!

quote:

b) what did you find uninteresting or gross when you first discovered that such activity existed but later surprised your-self in being excited by the idea and/or living the experience.

Fisting and medical play. For years both were big no-no's for me. Medical because of my medical background I struggles with ethical problems , once I overcame those I enjoyed it. Fisting took experienceing it with someone who truly enjoyed it. I will say it is something that I don't enjoy with just anyone I must be spiritually and emotionally connected with the person for me to enjoy doing it.

quote:

And you, how have you evolved in your desires?

I think we evolve from day to day , sub to sub, person to person. No two combinations are the same. I don't have a set way of behaving dominant. What I like one day I may not the next and what I like with one person may repulse me the next. What is constant is the reactions I need to see and feel in order for me to achieve pleasure. I must see them willing to suffer for my pleasure and craving to do so, and enjoying the suffering because it brings me sexual pleasure. Regardless of how that is achieved I will enjoy it.

Ms. Eden

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/27/2004 9:46:20 PM

monsieur42

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Dear Maîtresse Eden,

Thank you for your interest in my posting. May I ask what kind of suffering you like to inflict on a sub for your sexual pleasure? you said flogging, rack-em, smack-em is boring for you and puts you to sleep. Obviously, there must be other kinds of suffering from a sub that you find pleasurable.
Oh, and as an aside question, is a fisting purely pleasurable for a sub or do you make sure there is a little pain on the way down?

Monsieur42

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/28/2004 6:42:01 AM

topcat

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M. Monsieur-

Rope bondage- elaborate rope bondage was always a strong fantasy of mine, but the reality generally left me a little flat. So much time to rig it, and then, well, there's not so much to do but enjoy the aesthics, then untie it all. And if it was tedious for me, for the girl- well, I am sure I caught one or two of 'em making mental shopping lists<g>.

I did work with a friend witha rope fetish- she really enjoyed the whole time consumeing process, and got all spacy in the tie, and that was nice. Not Great, but nice.

Watersports have gone from being a squick to a occasionally enjoyed option. Not as a core kink, but it can be a wonderful way to really drive home the root of the dynamic. It's always something that I do either in the shower or on the beach- somewhere that it's easy to clean<g>.

and finally, like many, it took me a long time to self identify as a sadist. For years, I was conflicted about it, and would say things like 'I enjoy giving strong sensations to my partner' before being able to just say 'I am sadist- hurting girls makes me hard'.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/28/2004 10:31:03 AM

Destinysskeins

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Greetings,

Hmmm, well - my biggest kink is bondage (especially Shibari) and luckily i've found that i enjoy it just as much as i enjoyed the fantasies about it. i've greatly enjoyed learning about various ties and arrangements though *laughs* subbies tend to get in trouble telling the Dominant 'No, it should wrap around here, go up through there, etc.' *wicked grin*

One of the things that i didn't expect to like but have found myself enjoying is pain. No, i wouldn't classify myself as a pain slut by any means but i've found that i enjoy spanking, flogging, biting, etc in a much heavier measure that i would have initially thought. i've also found myself admiring marks left from such much more than i would have imagined before.

Things that i've found disaggreable - there's not a whole lot in this list (strapping would be included in this short list) and i strongly suspect that the things that are result more from being mishandled and therefore biasing me to the practices.

Well wishes

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/28/2004 3:06:05 PM

proudsub

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a. I used to have fisting fantasies and loved reading fisting stories and being cyber fisted. When i finally got the real thing it hurt like hell and tore me.

b. I haven't experienced much of what some might call gross, but would like to try golden showers. When I took my interests to r/l i was very surprised that i really enjoyed the pain aspect more than i expected.

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/30/2004 7:14:11 PM

dixiedumpling

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I'm a wuss. I stub my toe, I hobble around for ten minutes saying, "OWOWOWOW!" However, if the pain is clothespins on nipples and tits and/or includes paddling/flogging/spanking, it's OK with me. It's all in the context.

I never really thought about anything having to do with anal stimulation would be fun or exciting. But I stand corrected on that thought.

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/30/2004 8:58:32 PM

WayHome

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quote:

a. I used to have fisting fantasies and loved reading fisting stories and being cyber fisted. When i finally got the real thing it hurt like hell and tore me.

I'm very sorry to hear that. I would recommend getting the book "A Hand in the Bush". If you and your husband both read it, you might want to make a second try but with better knowledge. Fisting is kind of a difficult subject in BDSM since it really needs to be done differently than most of our activities. If you re-think your fantasy and make it more about pleasure and D/s but not about S/M, you might find both of you enjoying it. I've quoted before. "Fisting is not a goal-oriented activity." and in that vein, I practice fisting regularly even though I can't actually make a fist with my pet. Sometimes we only get to three fingers, sometimes 5, and generally we get stuck at the infamous "bridge" but still it is a wonderful activity. It's one that we always do sepparate from other sorts of play because it requires so much give and take and too much D/s dynamic can lead to the sort of bad experience you describe.

On a related note, I'm always impressed with your descriptions of your journey in BDSM. From onlne "cheating" to creating a workable dynamic with the love of your life. It speaks of maturity, patience, and determination.

Leto

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 9/30/2004 9:20:46 PM

proudsub

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quote:

On a related note, I'm always impressed with your descriptions of your journey in BDSM. From onlne "cheating" to creating a workable dynamic with the love of your life. It speaks of maturity, patience, and determination.

Leto

Thank you, it really has been quite a journey. My fisting experience wasn't with Hubby. I don't think it would work with Him, He has very large hands.

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 10/1/2004 8:01:49 AM

MaitresseEden

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monsieur42

Dear Maîtresse Eden,

Thank you for your interest in my posting. May I ask what kind of suffering you like to inflict on a sub for your sexual pleasure? you said flogging, rack-em, smack-em is boring for you and puts you to sleep. Obviously, there must be other kinds of suffering from a sub that you find pleasurable.
Oh, and as an aside question, is a fisting purely pleasurable for a sub or do you make sure there is a little pain on the way down?

Monsieur42

I like to see the hurt in their eyes or feel thier screams muffled against me whilst I climax. For example.. inflicting Electro torture whilst they service me orally, or CBT amist a passionate kiss... Having them beg for my touch, yet unsure if it will be a soft or sadistic touch. As for fisting.. It is intensly spiritual but shouldn't be painful. Intense yes!.. pain for pain sake.. is not a good thing in that area. But reaching in side one and holding their heart in my hand is powerfully intense.

Hope that answers your question Monsieur

Ms. Eden

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RE: desillusions and surprises - 10/1/2004 9:03:10 AM

sting516

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden

quote:

As for fisting.. It is intensly spiritual but shouldn't be painful. Intense yes!.. pain for pain sake.. is not a good thing in that area. But reaching in side one and holding their heart in my hand is powerfully intense.

Hope that answers your question Monsieur

Ms. Eden

Oh, how i love the way that's worded...one of the reasons i enjoy being fisted is that i love the feeling of the Domme touching me from the inside, and feeling that i'm now a physical, as well as an emotional extension of Her.

That said...getting to the main topic here...there are so many things now that i think of as hot that i never thought i'd enjoy when i first got started...from golden showers to forced bi to forced fem to play piercing...when i first got started, i never thought i'd enjoy any of that.

As far as what i didn't enjoy as much as i thought i would...probably bondage and flogging...especially if the bondage isn't very restrictive...if i feel i can get out of something, it totally loses it's appeal for me.

sting

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