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LadyAngelika -> RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? (9/25/2004 8:02:03 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
What I wanted to say is, that while I haven't had this experience in a lifestyle way, following the conversation with my friend the other day, I can actually see how having the experience, and actually allowing ourselves to feel it, would not only make us better Dom/mes, but also affect our own personal balance in a positive way. Again, I haven't personally had the experience, so it is merely a thought inspired by a conversation, and now further by your post.
Uh huh... and I got called a maniac for it! ;) But I got LadyB thinking... <weg>
Merc, like you, I found myself in situations, not public ones, but private ones, where I really tried hard to submit but couldn't. My motivation for doing it was to get my maso desires fulfilled. (Most of the people who read my post know I'm a sadistic Domme with a strong maso streak.) I didn't laugh. Actually, I didn't say anything. I internalised it and obviously, in those situations, the relationship didn't work. At the time, I didn’t really define myself as anything but for the sake of argument, lets say I was living a switch lifestyle.
However, there is one instance in which I did submit. Under very special circumstances, I allowed myself to submit completely and totally to one. To give you a little context, it was a very dark period in my life and he came around and breathed life back into me and help me build back my inner strength and confidence. When I was back to the fiery steadfast tigress that he knew I was, he winked and said, “you don’t need me the way you used to, but I still want to be part of your life”. Today, he is one of my best friends and I have so much love for him. I am so much more confident in manifesting my dominance because of him. I don’t feel I need to attempt submission to get the maso desires fulfilled in me. I have learned to separate D/s from S&M. My “style of dominance” is very much influenced by him. I often compare my experience with him to a Martial arts type Sensei and student.
He, on the other hand, is a hard wired Dominant who, as an adult, never once questioned on which side of the D/s equation he stood on. I think some of us need guidance in discovering facets of ourselves. In his particular situation, he was subjected to dominance through his childhood via strict (read abusive) boarding school, domineering elders, etc. He had to fight to survive and this built his strength.
My point is that we dominants discover and develop our dominance in various ways. It doesn’t matter how we get to where we are, it only matters that our journey was a path of self discovery and gave us inner strength and wisdom, made us respectful of others, their needs and their limits and most importantly, taught us that true dominance is manifested inherently, it is not imposed.
- LA
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