RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes?

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/24/2004 5:17:43 PM

topcat

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

You used to play in NYC that long ago? No, not Lady Sondra, it was a Mistress Kelly. Lots of memories from those days!

M. Merc-

Well, not that long ago...

But when I first made the scene around NYC, in '96 or so, Lady Sondra was one of the first supportive contacts I made. A dear friend.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/24/2004 8:14:34 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

There was an interesting post from a Yahoo group that I thought I share.

I have heard often in the past, a "good Dom" should experience what he plans to do with his sub. I then wondered should a Dom, for example, get his butt whipped before doing the same to a sub?

Naw. Though my smart assed mouth will throw that quip out just for fun. LOL. Im a faceteous brat no matter what I guess. lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
My reaction as the Domme was putting me through the paces was to laugh. No matter what she said or how hard she tried to flog me I couldn't stop laughing. After the "session" ended we realized that (some/most?) Doms or Tops may be hard wired that way. It was obvious that I wasn't feeling the same emotional or even physical sensation as would a submissive.

Ummmm hate ta break it to ya, but that is indeed a very common reaction to hard play. In submissives AND bottoms alike.

I'm currently playing with the label of that I'm a sadistic sensual switch that is primarily dominant with a hard masochistic streak that will sometimes bottom and has occasional submissive tendancies. Say THAT 5 times fast! LOL!

Anyway - no matter what label people want to slap on my fat ass - one of my curses and blessings as a masochistic bottom/submissive is that I tend to laugh all the way through a session. A LOT. In fact the harder they go the more I laugh. From snorts and giggles to full out guffaws and belly laughs. Won't matter really how much it hurts, I just start giggling and laughing and having a grand ol time - doesn't make me less or more of what I am, just as being flogged didn't make you submissive.

Just HAD to say that laughing means very little other than either you are amused or having a ball. Doesn't really mean much else. I process pain MUCH differently than most people do, so yanno, I don't expect to really react much like everyone else.

Sadly it means public play for us is rather limited - we really can't go full out - even mild play with us tends to hit peoples buttons, and I'm always worried my laughing will affect someone elses head space and scene. Combining heavy edge play that hits a lot of trigers with someone crying because they are laughing their faces off for a couple of hours just seems to unravel folks.

Go figger. lol.

Anyway, just had to add in my two cents as to the laughing dealie.

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/24/2004 11:12:18 PM

Estring

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I guess everyone has their opinion, but I still don't feel I need to know how it feels to be whipped to be a better Dom. I need to know how it feels to my slave. And for that I just need to ask her. She tells me all I need to know.

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/25/2004 5:43:26 AM

cynnacent1

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i'm not a Dom and therefore can't know how it feels to be dominant or the top. i *do* know how it feels to be submissive. As a submissive, i feel a physical as well as an emotional experience while under my Master's command. my submissiveness is not something i can *turn off* even if i wanted to, it is a deeply engrained part of who i am and a portion of what makes me ... *me*.

While i could pick up a crop and apply it to another (as i am physically capable of that), i would not expereince the same emotions as a Dom when they would hold that same crop. Therefore i can only imagine and would have to arrive at the conclusion that a Dom can't truely experience what it feels to be submissive.

A Dom most certainly could experience *comparable* physical sensations, however, i do not see how a dominant can possibly *feel* what a submissive feels on an emotional level.

< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 9/25/2004 5:45:08 AM >

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/25/2004 7:09:41 AM

JasonDom

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While I am sure it is a very individual thing, finding our own reality is, to me, about seeking out the soul of the D/s experience.
I know my feelings, emotions, as a Dominant. A number of subs have expressed how they feel in the submissive mode.
Years ago I felt a strong need to know exactly how the discipline felt that I so freely administered. With the help of a close Domme friend in New York City I found out. For the better part of a day I submitted to her physically and she took full advantage and used most of her tool box on me in the most painful experience I have ever had and will likely ever have.
What I learned was only about the pain. And that I couldnt ever experience the emotional or spiritual feelings of a submissive. I simply grant that they savor theirs as much as I savor mine and I can exult in that.
I dont necessarily recommend that a Dom or a sub try out the others role, but for me it was an enlightening experience and one which enhanced my knowledge and understanding of myself.

Jason

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RE: Must a Dom walk a mile in a sub's shoes? - 9/25/2004 8:02:03 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

What I wanted to say is, that while I haven't had this experience in a lifestyle way, following the conversation with my friend the other day, I can actually see how having the experience, and actually allowing ourselves to feel it, would not only make us better Dom/mes, but also affect our own personal balance in a positive way. Again, I haven't personally had the experience, so it is merely a thought inspired by a conversation, and now further by your post.

Uh huh... and I got called a maniac for it! ;) But I got LadyB thinking... <weg>

Merc, like you, I found myself in situations, not public ones, but private ones, where I really tried hard to submit but couldn't. My motivation for doing it was to get my maso desires fulfilled. (Most of the people who read my post know I'm a sadistic Domme with a strong maso streak.) I didn't laugh. Actually, I didn't say anything. I internalised it and obviously, in those situations, the relationship didn't work. At the time, I didn’t really define myself as anything but for the sake of argument, lets say I was living a switch lifestyle.

However, there is one instance in which I did submit. Under very special circumstances, I allowed myself to submit completely and totally to one. To give you a little context, it was a very dark period in my life and he came around and breathed life back into me and help me build back my inner strength and confidence. When I was back to the fiery steadfast tigress that he knew I was, he winked and said, “you don’t need me the way you used to, but I still want to be part of your life”. Today, he is one of my best friends and I have so much love for him. I am so much more confident in manifesting my dominance because of him. I don’t feel I need to attempt submission to get the maso desires fulfilled in me. I have learned to separate D/s from S&M. My “style of dominance” is very much influenced by him. I often compare my experience with him to a Martial arts type Sensei and student.

He, on the other hand, is a hard wired Dominant who, as an adult, never once questioned on which side of the D/s equation he stood on. I think some of us need guidance in discovering facets of ourselves. In his particular situation, he was subjected to dominance through his childhood via strict (read abusive) boarding school, domineering elders, etc. He had to fight to survive and this built his strength.

My point is that we dominants discover and develop our dominance in various ways. It doesn’t matter how we get to where we are, it only matters that our journey was a path of self discovery and gave us inner strength and wisdom, made us respectful of others, their needs and their limits and most importantly, taught us that true dominance is manifested inherently, it is not imposed.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 9/25/2004 8:06:17 AM >

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