Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Etiquitte Question


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Etiquitte Question Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 9:37:12 PM   
strongminded


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline 		Hello,
Much great advice is given on the boards and I am in need of such advice.

As I do when meeting anyone in my professional career or personal life, I respond to all my new mail messages in a timely manner and I try to be polite and courteous-- but it is starting to grate on my nerves.

I read the thread about (and understand why) correspondance should at least be acknowledged--even to give a polite "no thanks". I felt bad for the one 'Dom" who said he needed help getting replies from subs. I thought "why don't they at least acknowledge his email?" Why wouldn't anyone at least acknowledge an email?

But, I am finding out lately that some idiots and jackasses really shouldn't receive even that slight courtesy. Case in point, I just read my latest email where the "dom" wrote me an introduction comprising one sentence: "Hi, read my profile then get back to me like a good little subbie." What a jackass. Yes, I am a submissive, but am most definitely not his type of submissive if he thinks to get a positive response by writing only one sentence which includes him disrespectfully telling me to reply like "a good little subbie."

I didn't want to waste my time to respond....but like "the good little subbie" I did respond by telling him perhaps he was probably looking for someone MUCH younger and much more submissive (not my first choice of words, but nice). This is only one of many emails and messages I get from idiots--the other messages are often very sexually explicit or include very graphic pictures. I don't understand why I am getting email from jerks who think I am totally docile and completely unintelligent...afterall, my screenname is "strongminded"--perhaps they think it is a play on words? I wonder if they even read my entire profile. Do other submissives get alot of this type of email?

I am so tired of responding to these types of "men" (they don't deserve the title of "Dom.") My question is this, stupid and naive as it may be, "do all messages have to be answered? and if so, does one have to maintain politeness when responding to jerks?" Thanks for your help.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 9:50:40 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		I find a simple "Thank you, but no thank you" works. I liked what you wrote to the twit.

I run a munch and maintain a web site for it, I just got an email "Hey Sub,
Could I get the new site for XXXXXX.

Thanks."

They didn't even sign it. I replied that as none of my subs have access to that email box, I was responding and gave the URL I signed it Lady Shoshin Owner of XXXX list and munch.

Wonder if he will get the hint. What a boor!

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 9:56:36 PM   
Tangwystal


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline 		No, you are not alone.
I have to admit I haven't received one quite exactly like that but just as arrogant and obnoxious.
I seem to get the ones who expect me to call them "sir" after the first email and get verbally abusive when I tell them that it won't happen until we have some sort of formal agreement.
The ones that won't take "not thanks" for an answer are especially annoying. I have one guy sending me daily Yahoo messages. For some reason the block is not working... sigh

To actually answer your question... I would respond once with a polite no thank you and then block future emails from them.

Tangwystal

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 10:01:31 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Strongminded,

Well, as I said in the one post, sometimes the things your mom teaches you are the best ones to remember. When someone has no clue, and you can't find something nice to say, sometimes I personally believe it IS best to say nothing at all.

The biggest problem is sometimes the people in question don't get the facts of how they come off.

My profile is hardass and to the point. But I'm not looking, so I don't fear scaring away someone who might by my perfect dominant, he's at work right now. The majority of the emails I get are pleasant, though I have gotten a few stupid ones. I have never failed to respond. Honestly, even the idiots (my opinion) get a response, and not strangely (to me) I try to be nice. Normally doesn't work, but my normal comment is something like *I am sure you are not seeking to offend those you write, but....*. Has worked with about 95%.

I've written many people to mention a typo or something like that in their profile. Most just happen to be the one that popped up when I signed on. In all that I have written, not one has taken offense, and at least 80% thanked me for the effort.

I have no picture up. I honestly believe that those with pictures get more solicitations, and since I'm not looking, it would be illogcial for me to draw more attention to myself on that part of the board.... ::laughing:: I get enough cringing, laughing, or agreeing here thanks :)

All in all, I believe it pays to be nice. I try to always be nice unless the person has shown they can't comprehend nice,,, then the big stick (to hit them over the head with) comes out ;)

Sandy

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 10:32:30 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Here are a few earlier threads on this:

emails and courtesy

regarding mail

getting replies from subs

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/22/2004 11:26:08 PM   
Sundew02


Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline 		strongminded, Submissive females do not have a corner on the rude email market. I receive a fair share of them myself. But as I enjoy manners from others I always reply. And simply, Thank you, but no. Many times I add Good luck with your search.....(and think you will need it). Life's too short not to enjoy, so I just laugh and move on with my own search. Sundew

_____________________________


~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 4:49:35 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Here's another. It's more about how to write a polite email from a sub's perspective.

10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression

I feel your frustration... all of you who have posted thus far. Lady Shoshin, I get notes from Doms wondering when I'm going to drop the act and turn into the little sub I'm destined to be. Little do they know I'd turn them into a little pile of begging mush. Ha!

And the sub boys... poor little lost souls. When will they understand that I don't want a pic of their spankable ass or their little torturable cock or a list of the things they want me to do to them... *sigh*

But after all this complaining about the things men do, I have to tell you that the rudest email I got was from a local 21 yr old Domme. She essentially went on to tell me what a whore, bitch, etc I was and how she wanted to use me like the bitch I was. Ha! I deleted the email but a bit of her profile goes something like this (typos included)

I am a True Domme who is into degrading and belittlement. I am not this way because of some pwoer trip but I truly do believe that men are little worms put on this planet to serve me. The same goes for all the little slutty women as well.

Too funny. And so she contacts me... Some people really need a reality check!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 5:24:25 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: strongminded

My question is this, stupid and naive as it may be, "do all messages have to be answered? and if so, does one have to maintain politeness when responding to jerks?" Thanks for your help.


Hi strongminded,

You know, I DON'T think all messages have to be replied to. And in practice, I don't.

Like Sandy, I have no picture, and I'm not looking. But I don't have a thing about me in my profile except for "I'm not looking, thanks". Still I get mail from random dominants (I think it's because of the attractive state I live in--Colorado. Ha!)

I read these messages--just because I don't know them, doesn't mean they don't know me. I mean, I do leave a footprint on the board. But these guys never know me. In fact, the messages are often one-phrasers. I do not reply to them. I don't feel I have some sweet submissive reputation to uphold. Or even humanity.

Then there is the correspondence I get from folks I know from the board. Unless the interaction with them was negative beforehand, I will read the message. If they were nasty (or patronizing) on the board, I delete the private correspondence, unread. Why should I have to read snotty stuff--again? If I do happen to open a message I don't appreciate, I have zero problem letting someone else have the last word. I do not respond in kind.

So for those, like you, who search: why can't SSC be part of the e-mail dynamic between potential dom and sub? As far as I'm concerned, not replying is just saying, "I don't consent to messaging". I do think it's a shame that nice messages like Thanatosian's, (letting someone know about local events) get thrown out. It's a shame, but it might not be evil.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 5:41:13 AM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline 		I definately do respond to those. I think "turn about, is fair play". If I get one of those rude messages, and I seem to be a magnet for those, I respond likewise. I'm pretty outspoken myself. Telling someone what I think, is a quality I've been trying to lighten up. If they come accross as jackasses, treat them as such. Perhaps, one day they will learn a better behavior. Being a Dom, shouldn't mean that they leave basic politeness behind.

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 6:16:44 AM   
Chaos


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think anyone is arguing that an obnoxious or rude e-mail deserves a reply (except maybe the ass clown who sent it). If the sender is rude, then ignoring is perfectly appropriate.

I still maintain that deleteing unread or not responding to POLITE e-mails is rude as well.

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 6:27:16 AM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline 		I was just giving my opinion. This is how I handle those. I agree with you, every email should be answered, just to be polite. Besides, the question was, "Do all massages have to be answered, and if so, does one have to maintain politeness when responding to jerks." Anyways, ya'll have a wonderful day....

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to Chaos)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 12:50:31 PM   
ScorpioMaster


Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		strongminded How would you like to be treated and let take submission out of the picture. Would you like some one to respond to one of your replies to acknowledge they were flatter you took the time out to respond to your request. Two wrongs do not make it right. The problem is there are lot more jerks in walks of life but does that give you the right to treat him the same. I feel it would be nice to take the time out and say thank you for considering me enough to take the time to respond to my profile. I would be happy to hear thank you but not thanks instead of nothing because it would make my time I took out to respond to the person profile worth it. I do not require for the young sub to kneel at my feet or kiss them all I feel it would show respect. If you expect respect from people should you not give it. first?

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 1:10:47 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScorpioMaster

If you expect respect from people should you not give it. first?


Sure, a person, no matter what they call themselves, should be respectful.

But the question becomes: is sending a message to a sub actually respectful? No, IMO. It's a solicitation. It can be a respectful solicitation, but it's still a solicitation. It's easy to SAY messages to subs are individualized, complimentary and finely crafted. But based on what I've seen in the posts by most of these rejected doms, it's probably not true!

Disclaimer: I am NOT talking about messages created by our errant knight (or anybody like him). His message letting a sub know about munches in the area was a true welcoming kindness, and different standards apply.

You know, I'd like to point out that even if a person spent a few minutes writing the message, for gosh sakes, messaging is free and light-speed fast! This kind of correspondence really isn't the same as sending a printed, signed, stamped letter with a SASE, and never hearing back. (I'm in the process of trying to get an agent, and it happens all the time. And "worser" stuff still. I don't think I've been disrespected. I'm just not wanted. :))

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to ScorpioMaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 5:04:31 PM   
strongminded


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I deleted the email but a bit of her profile goes something like this (typos included)

I am a True Domme who is into degrading and belittlement. I am not this way because of some pwoer trip but I truly do believe that men are little worms put on this planet to serve me. The same goes for all the little slutty women as well.


Thank you LadyAngelika (and everyone else who offered advice) on etiquitte for answering messages. I wanted to respond to what you had written regarding typos.

I know my submissiveness might be called into question due to my being so opinionated....but typos still astonish me. I always proofread my emails and messages in order to put my best self forward, and although an occasional mistake gets through, 99% do not. Some of the emails I have read contained many typos. I am not talking about obvious grammatical errors or difficulty spelling unfamiliar words--I am talking about the carelessness with which someone has typed a response--one email I received was: "I liekd youre profile and I would like to takl to you and maybe meat you at a laater date." (well, perhaps "meat" was not a typo). lol. Another funnier (vulgar) email read: "Bich, I wood have you down on your knees sukking my cokc....(etc)." On the off chance that I would ever be interested in performing this act, I wanted to ask him exactly where and what his cokc was? and, what is involved in sukking? (I instead just told him "no thank you" and wished him well in his search.)

When I see these typos in profiles and read them in my messages, I pause to think: This person who is hoping to make a connection with me is not even taking the time to proofread his email in order to make the best impression. What other things would he not care too much about? Just my two cents. Thanks again. Debbie

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 5:52:34 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		The typos and hideous grammar, spelling and punctuation really bother me.

Not only do they appear uneducated and careless but the emails just become a chore to read. If I ask them to mind their writing style and they get snippy about it I just don't bother with them. I'm not putting up with attitude from someone who can't even type a sentence correctly.

I realize not everyone is in communications as a career but... this is our language. We use it on a daily basis. If English isn't your first language that's different. Most people here don't have that excuse.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to strongminded)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/23/2004 5:56:38 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScorpioMaster
If you expect respect from people should you not give it. first?


Exactly. Do you really think most email solicitations are respectful? If they haven't taken the time to read my profile I consider they are spamming me for sex. There is nothing respectful about that.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Etiquitte Question - 9/24/2004 11:56:28 AM   
Chaos


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline 		In fairness to all, I have been seeing an awful lot of journals up lately talking about how they keep getting mail deleted, or unreadable, or all kinds of other things. I have been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they didn't get mail that I have sent. I know that this isn't always the case...but what the heck :)

I still think that saying "thanks but no thanks" in a reply is the best way to stop unwanted mail, at least from me. (And yes, I know it doesn't work with the morons, lol)

< Message edited by Chaos -- 9/24/2004 11:57:19 AM >

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Etiquitte Question Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078