RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (Full Version)

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IronBear -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/1/2010 9:23:54 PM)

Shyness and timidness do not necessarily go hand in glove. Often enough one sees timid people who are not shy and shy people who wouldn't know timid if they fell over it. In some I will agree both are present. 



porcelaine -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/1/2010 10:00:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not know if "shyness" or probably more appropriately termed "introversion" are necessarily a signal of timidness. In the right sort of person it can be a sign of being in control over their responses, or watchful if you will. Just because someone is quiet and introverted does not mean that comes from a place of insecurity...


I believe it is always a matter of ones personal perception. Our associations of what constitutes shyness are probably different. Maybe that's our way of saying something about the other person didn't resonate with us. I'm uncertain. However, as a rule I prefer forward men that are more extroverted. However, my friendship with an introverted man has taught me a great deal about them. Still waters and all that jazz.

~porcelaine



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/1/2010 10:38:36 PM)

I tend to be introverted, and so while I'll walk over to someone who looks yummy and start a conversation, I don't necessarily know that it's going anywhere. I may discover he's a Republican. I may make a friend. I may make a friend who wriggles nicely when bitten and loves getting shocked. 



CarpeComa -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 7:56:30 AM)

I am definitely one of those who generally will not make the first move. For me, this has nothing to do with shyness or being an introvert. Instead it is because;

1: Having her make the first move demonstrates that she both has enough courage and willingness to step outside the expected norm to be an interesting person to be around. People who are so passive or so locked into being 'normal' they can't (or won't) make the first move are people I generally find boring to be around.

2: A large percentage of women get so in the habit of turning people down that it becomes an instinctive response. In those cases, expressing interest actually decreases hers as I am now lumped in with everyone that has come before. To give an example; if I send her a message on CM, my message may be one of hundred she receives that week (or even that day). So when she's reading her mail, she's already inclined to just move on to the next one, so I am a lot more likely to be lost in the noise.

3: If it hasn't been established yet, her moving first helps establish the tone of me being the decider.

4: Getting someone to explicitly express interest helps set that interest in their mind.

5: People tend to not appreciate what they don't work for as much.



LaTigresse -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 8:29:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Shyness and timidness do not necessarily go hand in glove. Often enough one sees timid people who are not shy and shy people who wouldn't know timid if they fell over it. In some I will agree both are present. 


This.

I also find it interesting that some people would assume that introverted would mean either shy, timid, or lacking in self confidence.

Some of us introverts just simply do not need or like, that much human interaction and really enjoy sitting back and watching.

I can go to a social function with GD, who is a social butterfly, and tell him more about the people he was interacting with than he realized about them in 2-6 hours of interacting directly.



Jeffff -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 8:44:40 AM)

I am shy.

And introverted.



Hillwilliam -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 8:56:22 AM)

I wouldnt say that Dom(mes) are shyer.  I'd say they are more cautious.

If a sub mistakes the intentions of a partner, they are thought of as a bit freaky but no harm done.  if a Dom(me) makes the same mistake, it's "Heigh HO, Heigh Ho, so off to jail I go"



porcelaine -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 10:20:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I also find it interesting that some people would assume that introverted would mean either shy, timid, or lacking in self confidence.

Some of us introverts just simply do not need or like, that much human interaction and really enjoy sitting back and watching.



That's really nice way of putting it. [:D]

~porcelaine



laurell3 -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 11:01:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am shy.

And introverted.



Yeah...I noticed that....in the airport parking lot.....[8|]



Jeffff -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 11:02:38 AM)

What?..... it wasn't in the terminal........



LaTigresse -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 1:02:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I also find it interesting that some people would assume that introverted would mean either shy, timid, or lacking in self confidence.

Some of us introverts just simply do not need or like, that much human interaction and really enjoy sitting back and watching.



That's really nice way of putting it. [:D]

~porcelaine



I suppose I could have said something like "I am just an unsociable bitch!" and no one would have been too terribly surprised...[:D]



leadership527 -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 1:05:34 PM)

Personally, it's my opinion that the BDSM community likes to wrap up every possible personality attribute and behavior under the sun and lump them in with the words "dominant" and/or "submissive". I think that introverted people are introverted. I think dominant people are dominant. I think that shy people are shy. I don't see any connection between any of these words.

One way or the other, a dominant personality must engage with other humans enough so that they can impose their will. How, exactly, that is done is open to a great deal of interpretation.



NorthernGent -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 1:24:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Okay, so not all Dominants are. But recently i've been struck by how many Doms i've met (and, admittedly, there aren't that many) who seem to be waiting for me to make the first move towards a relationship. i guess i have this sterotype of Dominants as being confident, secure, outgoing, and not overly concerned about other people's opinions.



I could talk myself up here......so I will......I'd imagine that most people who know me in real life see me as confident and secure.....outgoing? somewhere in the middle.....overly concerned with other people's opinions? we're social animals...of course we're concerned with other people's opinions......

And I much prefer a woman to come to me......nothing to do with being shy......more to do with being 'secure'.....more than prepared to bide my time.....

Or are they just words you could spin any which way you like?

To add......I have more to offer than her....so she has more to gain....which means she's going to have to earn it by putting some effort in....



laurell3 -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 1:26:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I also find it interesting that some people would assume that introverted would mean either shy, timid, or lacking in self confidence.

Some of us introverts just simply do not need or like, that much human interaction and really enjoy sitting back and watching.



That's really nice way of putting it. [:D]

~porcelaine



I suppose I could have said something like "I am just an unsociable bitch!" and no one would have been too terribly surprised...[:D]



I think you're plenty sociable and humorous as hell. Unlike many of us, you tend to cut right to the chase and make very poignant statements without a bunch of bullshit added on. It's something I have grown to really appreciate from your posts.



texangael -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/2/2010 5:05:35 PM)

quote:

Okay, so not all Dominants are. But recently i've been struck by how many Doms i've met (and, admittedly, there aren't that many) who seem to be waiting for me to make the first move towards a relationship.
It may simply be a matter of tactic.  Some men will hunt their women like prey.  Others regard their women like the wild wolf, and so sit beside the warm fire and wait for the woman to come lay beside it.

Too, in the ego-duel of human courtship, the one who makes moves first surrenders the advantage.  One who would lead another generally will be jealous of maintaining that upper hand--hence the waiting game.



Eraser -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/4/2010 7:11:35 PM)

And that's why I hate the whole dating game to begin with. Maintaining an advantage or upper hand? I don't think persuing a relationship in a combative manner lends itself to success.

Another angle towards being quiet in a crowd isn't really a matter of fear, so much as not having anything to say to people I don't know. I also hate small talk and am horrible at it. With real subjects that I know anything about, I can and will talk to anyone forever about it. Another is volume, I have a low voice and combined with excessively loud music in nearly all large social situations, I can't even hear myself think, much less understand someone else or expect them to hear me!



MsFleur -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/4/2010 7:26:51 PM)

I'm not sure about shyness so much as just being introverted...which I think there is a big difference. I'm definitely fine with dating an introverted dom...a shy dom, I'm not so sure as I am shy myself. I'm not sure we'd get anywhere...



DarkSteven -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/5/2010 6:22:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I suppose I could have said something like "I am just an unsociable bitch!" and no one would have been too terribly surprised...[:D]



I would be, but only because "unsociable" is not a word.  "Anti-social" is what you mean.

Y'know, it would be hotter if you were in a schoolgirl outfit while I said that.



crazyml -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/5/2010 6:28:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I suppose I could have said something like "I am just an unsociable bitch!" and no one would have been too terribly surprised...[:D]



I would be, but only because "unsociable" is not a word.  "Anti-social" is what you mean.

Y'know, it would be hotter if you were in a schoolgirl outfit while I said that.



"unsociable" is a perfectly adequate word!

You can be unsociable without being antisocial

or you could be both of course ;-)



LaTigresse -> RE: Are Dominants shyer than submissives? (8/5/2010 7:18:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I suppose I could have said something like "I am just an unsociable bitch!" and no one would have been too terribly surprised...[:D]



I would be, but only because "unsociable" is not a word.  "Anti-social" is what you mean.

Y'know, it would be hotter if you were in a schoolgirl outfit while I said that.



Not as hot as my nun outfit and ruler when I show you the Mirriam Webster definition of 'unsociable'!!!

KaaaaaaaaaaaaaWHAP!!!!!!!!!!!

[:D]



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