Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

My friend wants to be a dom. Help?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> My friend wants to be a dom. Help? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:24:32 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		My ex (yes, I know what you're thinking) has been talking to me, and he's interested in the dark side. I've never quite dealt with any newbie besides myself, so any advice?

He's interested in the dynamic and the lifestyle. Are there any helpful pages about? Sound advice from our local manly-men? Another thread that I missed?


_____________________________

I wash my hands of this weirdness.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:30:48 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		What do you think we were going to say, that he is only interested to get you back?

You were thinking correctly on my opinion

Give him the book The Loving Dominant...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:34:15 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		Yup, he didn't even try to deny it when I suggested he just wanted my pants on the floor. But now he seems like he's genuinely interested (after telling me that all men into BDSM just want sex with underage girls, incidentally). The Loving Dominant, you say? I hope it's not expensive.

_____________________________

I wash my hands of this weirdness.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:55:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think he sounds very young, many dominants like women their own age or I couldn't get a date... and I never have trouble finding dates...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:57:20 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1890159727/

about $12 USD + shipping.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 9:58:26 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		xD oh, I'm sure he thinks that he is the One Twue Dom deep down. I suppose we'll have to see where this goes.

_____________________________

I wash my hands of this weirdness.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 10:17:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Books can only take you so far.  Google to see if there are any BDSM groups near Bakersfield. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 10:38:26 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		Hell, even I could probably teach him a thing or two. But yeah I'm 92% sure that he's just interested in boning me.

...I sure hope my master doesn't read this thread o_O


_____________________________

I wash my hands of this weirdness.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 11:37:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure that Bakersfield DOES have at least one active group.

Besides The Loving Dominant, I also recommend "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns".  Both are fun, easy, and most importantly INFORMATIVE books.

ETA:  check the profiles of ResidentSadist and MasterFireMaam.  Both have links to excellent book lists.  But do encourage him to connect to the local community.  L.A. isnt all that far and if he cant find anything in B'field that suits, there would probably be SOMETHING in L.A. that does.

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 8/1/2010 11:39:40 PM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/1/2010 11:44:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

L.A. isnt all that far and if he cant find anything in B'field that suits, there would probably be SOMETHING in L.A. that does.


It is a mere two hour drive

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 12:56:52 AM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

...I sure hope my master doesn't read this thread o_O

See now you're just asking for him to drop by for a look.

Personally I'm still wondering what the heck this lifestyle thing is myself. It's there, I know people who live it, love it and spread it around. Yet I can never seem to wrap my head around it ...

And I have this image in my head now of someone picking up a book on How to Be a Domly Dom. Then trying to learn like it was a Tai Bo workout.


_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 1:33:28 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

And I have this image in my head now of someone picking up a book on How to Be a Domly Dom. Then trying to learn like it was a Tai Bo workout.


Maybe Billy Blanks knows about BDSM, too, and his next tape can provide all sorts of helpful tips. He's probably available.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 4:25:49 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Hell, even I could probably teach him a thing or two. But yeah I'm 92% sure that he's just interested in boning me.

...I sure hope my master doesn't read this thread o_O



Then for God's sake don't buy him a book.  He'll take it as encouragement.  Simply tell him what to buy and where the groups are.  The fact that you're already worried about your Master finding out at THIS point means that you should go no further.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 5:55:31 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		If these two guys show up.... (Ok, I'd follow them)...

Good luck. 

Best advice:  Tell him to be a man.  The rest is just details.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 6:06:27 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

L.A. isnt all that far and if he cant find anything in B'field that suits, there would probably be SOMETHING in L.A. that does.


It is a mere two hour drive


yep.. a hop, skip and jump, by CA driving standards :) 

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 7:40:42 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		at 5'0" tall and 96 pounds you are virtually a walking condom.

It's a weird kind of a thing when in a relationship and dealing with past relationships or people in everyday life.

Too many women either don't recognize when they are being pursued or enjoy the attention of the pursuer. It doesn't really matter that much as long as you don't act upon the desires of others.

At least you have acknowledged that it probably stems from him wanting to slide you on.

Too many woman seem to unable to make this connection and actually view these types of men as being their friends as if they have no extraneous motivations.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 8/2/2010 7:41:19 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 9:20:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Books can only take you so far.  Google to see if there are any BDSM groups near Bakersfield. 


There is a group in Bakersfield.  It's the one that I normally attend.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 11:17:24 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

Hell, even I could probably teach him a thing or two. But yeah I'm 92% sure that he's just interested in boning me.

...I sure hope my master doesn't read this thread o_O



Then for God's sake don't buy him a book.  He'll take it as encouragement.  Simply tell him what to buy and where the groups are.  The fact that you're already worried about your Master finding out at THIS point means that you should go no further.





Here's a thought. Tell the guy to ask the questions himself, send him here and stop talking to him about anything sexual. The fact that he wants you ain't exactly something you can control. The fact that you are enjoying it and encouraging it is.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 11:27:36 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I'm going to have to agree here. If he wanted to explore BDSM he'd look for multiple venues of information. Books, online, talking to people at munches or just friends of friends who are into it. All he's really looking for it sounds like, is a venue into you. Smile politely, tell him where he can go to look things up, and stop feeding him wank material.
The entire scenario makes me imagine him 'breathing heavily as he asks, "Tell me what you want me to do to you baby."

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: My friend wants to be a dom. Help? - 8/2/2010 12:01:24 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		Well, I might end up getting back together with him. I'm in a position where it's either all vanilla or train someone in the kink.

_____________________________

I wash my hands of this weirdness.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> My friend wants to be a dom. Help? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.111