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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:12:34 PM

dovie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Recently someone contacted me on the other side and when I looked at his profile, there was quite a bit about putting and keeping a submissive in her/his place. This caused me to wonder what the heck was meant by that. I tried to ask a Dominant friend I know and all he could come up with was something about conquering but that didn't make any more sense to me.
I can only vaguely speculate. But my best answer is that for those who are submissive by relationship orientation as opposed to by personality attribute, then the "role" (and let's not get all wired on that word) of "submissive" is a role which needs to be reinforced.

Carol and I don't have to worry about this because our D and S sides exist "by personality". For me, "putting Carol in her submissive place" is a lot like "putting carol in her breathing place". I don't often find myself needing to remind her to breath.

Carol, dear sweet sister...would you be so kind as to clone your Master and send him to Houston, Texas addressed to mwoi? Between him and Iron Bear, this girl will surely be in her very "special place!"

dovie

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Post #: 41

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:18:16 PM

kiwisub12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
Interesting.
So you have to periodically have to metaphorically slap your sub up the side of the head and remind her who is the dom?
I spent five years in a 24/7 relationship - and once in that five years did he punish me. And actually the punishment was the least of the repentance on my part- you could call it the icing on the cake.
As a thinking adult and submissive, i am very capable of knowing when i screw up, and am very capable of putting myself back on my own place.

I no more need putting in my place than does my dominant.

And away we Goooooooooooo with the stereotypical image of asshole Dominants!! Let's jump on the bandwagon and throw a party!!! Seriously, where do you get this notion it involves being hit upside the fucking head... and not being pulled tightly against them.. them taking you by the hair... drawing your head back. Then nibbling upon your neck and pressing your body against the stove. Doing this when you are in some bratty mood or such? Some girls literally melt and their whole mood changes in 2.5 seconds flat without being bitch slapped upside the head.

People are just only gonna mentally associate shit with abuse and assholes here, and it's gonna drift into la la la land.

Good heavens - you DO have a vivid imagination! Nowhere in my post did i refer to asshole Dominants. In fact, i think i said my dominant only ever had to punish me once in five years - does that sound like an arsehole?

and the hitting up the side of the head was metaphorical!

and as far as i can tell, most submissives talk about their dominants in glowing terms - please reference me to posts of arsehole dominants by their submissives.
I think people get from the boards what they want to see - i want to hear about wonderful dominants and their happy submissives , and perhaps those are the posts i remember.

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Post #: 42

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:30:01 PM

realwhiteknight

Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
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quote:

And away we Goooooooooooo with the stereotypical image of asshole Dominants!! Let's jump on the bandwagon and throw a party!!! Seriously, where do you get this notion it involves being hit upside the fucking head... and not being pulled tightly against them.. them taking you by the hair... drawing your head back. Then nibbling upon your neck and pressing your body against the stove. Doing this when you are in some bratty mood or such? Some girls literally melt and their whole mood changes in 2.5 seconds flat without being bitch slapped upside the head.

People are just only gonna mentally associate shit with abuse and assholes here, and it's gonna drift into la la la land.

ooooh yeah

is all I can say.

< Message edited by realwhiteknight -- 8/2/2010 6:39:11 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:32:45 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
Good heavens - you DO have a vivid imagination! Nowhere in my post did i refer to asshole Dominants. In fact, i think i said my dominant only ever had to punish me once in five years - does that sound like an arsehole?

and the hitting up the side of the head was metaphorical!

and as far as i can tell, most submissives talk about their dominants in glowing terms - please reference me to posts of arsehole dominants by their submissives.
I think people get from the boards what they want to see - i want to hear about wonderful dominants and their happy submissives , and perhaps those are the posts i remember.

Where's all the posts from anybody saying, oh yeah... I love being put in my place in these kinds of situations or senarios being posted about.

Personally, I see this topic strongly coupled with the concept of D/s reinforcement. What are the things that a Dom can do to reinforce the dynamic itself. Clearly, these are things that keep the D/s dynamic kicking and going on. You know the classic posts that occur on here from time to time, where a submissive expresses that their Dominant partner is not being very Dominant towards them anymore or in the relationship itself. So, in many regards this topic or the concept of a D putting the s in their place, actually if a form of D/s reinforcement (when it look at from the broad sense).

The whole bit from the one guys profile, was more than likely a lot regarding the ways in which he re-enforces the D/s dynamic. Should not be a big mystery to figure out. He probally even listed a few rituals that he engages in to do this very thing. No shocker or suprise.

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Post #: 44

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:36:06 PM

laurell3

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haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

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Post #: 45

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:38:12 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
By the way, welcome back. I hope life is treating you well.

Thanks Laurell,
I'm just in and out for a quickie, not staying or hanging out for too long. ;^)

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Post #: 46

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:39:25 PM

laurell3

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awww...you're such a tease!

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Post #: 47

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:50:12 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

Now Now, you're totally wrecking the whole objectfication fetish fantasy! Hell, how many of the neandrathals are for real anyways on here. Hell, Micky Mouse could be behind a keyboard and you wouldn't even know it.

Seriously, I'm not certain what percentage of people behind the profiles on the other side are legit. Let alone figure out how many legit ones ain't bat shit crazy.

I am positive that there are positive Doms with positive intentions buried under the all the rocks and rubble on this site even. Negativity will only drag you down into places you don't wanna be. Think for a moment, about the dark side facets of BDSM, and think about those who have resisted fully selling out hook line and sinker completely to every thing dark they can find about life. Seriously...

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Post #: 48

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 6:59:45 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Recently someone contacted me on the other side and when I looked at his profile, there was quite a bit about putting and keeping a submissive in her/his place. This caused me to wonder what the heck was meant by that. I tried to ask a Dominant friend I know and all he could come up with was something about conquering but that didn't make any more sense to me.

So the question/s are these, What does it mean to you when you either hear/see that phrase or use that phrase. What is a submissive's place and how does one put/keep him/her in it? Is that something you look for in a D/s or M/s relatiionship and how does that manifest to you. In addition, are you looking to conquer or be conquered and how does that manifest?

Thanks in advance,
heartfelt

Words have power... the phrase "put in your place" has the connotation that someone wants to become better than their natural station. It means not respecting your betters, like a social climber. I love men that have a good command of the English language, and the history of how that language evolved... if a person is "getting out of their place" historically speaking, this comes from England's class system, or a feudal system where "people have places"...

Any man I would be interested in would know what that phrase meant, and if they said that to me it would mean they felt I aspired to be "more than" my natural place in this world. If someone wanted to restrict me to being inferior to them, it would not work out for me. It would mean they were highly insecure about their "place", and they were therefore already not on par with me. I want to be with someone that loves me being all I can be, and feels that our relationship is better for it. If they are threatened by my growth, they are just not going to get far in my life...

Just me, etc

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:06:10 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

Now Now, you're totally wrecking the whole objectfication fetish fantasy! Hell, how many of the neandrathals are for real anyways on here. Hell, Micky Mouse could be behind a keyboard and you wouldn't even know it.

Seriously, I'm not certain what percentage of people behind the profiles on the other side are legit. Let alone figure out how many legit ones ain't bat shit crazy.

I am positive that there are positive Doms with positive intentions buried under the all the rocks and rubble on this site even. Negativity will only drag you down into places you don't wanna be. Think for a moment, about the dark side facets of BDSM, and think about those who have resisted fully selling out hook line and sinker completely to every thing dark they can find about life. Seriously...

Actually, when I got the mails I did try to point out to them that maybe they might want to lighten up on the superhero routine. I'm really not overly negative. I am, however, too old and tired to teach an adult basic social skills.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 50

RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:12:06 PM

realwhiteknight

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Joined: 7/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

Go laurell! This is interesting, because I've noticed this dynamic many times...It's almost as if men have no *clue* how women are approaching things... men will act truly surprised in response to our defensiveness, and get all offended because we are 'rude', as if there is no concept at all of our viewpoint coming from experience..

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I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:13:30 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

Go laurell! This is interesting, because I've noticed this dynamic many times...It's almost as if men have no *clue* how women are approaching things... men will act truly surprised in response to our defensiveness, and get all offended because we are 'rude', as if there is no concept at all of our viewpoint coming from experience..

Well he does have a point, if we assumed EVERY guy was like the neandrathals in our mailbox, we would always be alone, wouldn't we?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:19:36 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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Julia, while I respect the text book and history perspective you are drawing upon in your posts. The phrase is pretty commonly used now days when speaking in terms of people when they get out of line, or engaged in poor behavior. Most people I know when using that phrase in a conversation are not thinking about the historic nature of that phase and could care less about it. I've even heard other women carry on about another women such as "that bitch needs to be put back in her place" or somebody needs to put her in her place. Countless end of similar remarks that people make now days in modern times. This is in general, when it's used now days.

Some people at work situations, do need to be put back in their place when they are out of line as well. People that act like they own the joint, who don't have any true authority or position there (you know the kind of people I'm talking about).

Again, it's a little hard to talk about this topic without having to address the character and personalities of people involved.

There are some inferior people that attempt to be superior in trying to put people back in their place, it never really works out too great nor lasts for long. Nothing is amuzing as a stupid person that does not have the respect of other people trying to put other people in their so called places. It's actually very entertaining. Inspires me to eat more pop corn actually.

There a number of ways to which one can look at or view this phrase. I'm certain however, that if you were to engage in a conversation with somebody regarding what they mean by that Phrase you'll know without a doubt what they are talking about.

I think I would be rather upset, if somebody automatically jumped to the conclusion that I was talking about it from the historical perspective and not from the Layman use of modern times and what it means. Then again, that phrase is used in the Demographics and Geographic location I'm in. Trust me, it's not from the history perspective you are thinking about.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 8/2/2010 7:27:45 PM >

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:20:00 PM

realwhiteknight

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

haha now YOU are assuming positive intent just as we assumed negative. Honestly, you really can't blame us for doing so after about the 1,000th neandrathal email from guys that see women as only objects.

Go laurell! This is interesting, because I've noticed this dynamic many times...It's almost as if men have no *clue* how women are approaching things... men will act truly surprised in response to our defensiveness, and get all offended because we are 'rude', as if there is no concept at all of our viewpoint coming from experience..

Well he does have a point, if we assumed EVERY guy was like the neandrathals in our mailbox, we would always be alone, wouldn't we?

Ah, well the real world is a different story..I was thinking strictly collarme.com..

_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:39:50 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

he phrase is pretty commonly used now days when speaking in terms of people when they get out of line, or engaged in poor behavior. Most people I know when using that phrase in a conversation are not thinking about the historic nature of that phase and could care less about it. I've ever heard women carry on about another women such as "that bitch needs to be put back in here place" or somebody needs to put her in her place. Countless end of similar remarks that people make now days in modern times. This is in general, when it's used.

In the context of a profile where someone is seeking a submissive sort, there has been no bad behavior, so what could they possibly mean? When I am talking about having a possible relationship with a dominant man and he said that to me, I would take it he thought my "place" was one of inferiority to his own.

quote:

There a number of ways to which one can look at or view this phrase. I'm certain however, that if you were to engage in a conversation with somebody regarding what they mean by that Phrase you'll know without a doubt what they are talking about.

I think I would be rather upset, if somebody automatically jumped to the conclusion that I was talking about it from the historical perspective and not from the Layman use of modern times and what it means. Then again, that phrase is used in the Demographics and Geographic location I'm in. Trust me, it's not from the history perspective you are thinking about.

Respectfully speaking, if a man said that to me he would be negative no matter how you slice it. I seek men that do not look for me to misbehave or to act haughty, etc. Or he wants to subjugate me, that ain't working for me either.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 7:48:42 PM

littlewonder

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when Master uses that term with me it means that I've forgotten I'm his slave....I am talking over him, trying to lead, pull the reigns, etc....

Everyday life sometimes makes me feel like I need to take back some control even though I don't want to but sometimes feel like I have to and he has to remind me from time to time that I'm his slave.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 8:50:51 PM

junecleaver

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It sounds hot to say but is far to vague to base a relationship dynamic. I think that the need to constantly be put in 'your place' would be really exhausting from a Dominant side. Actually, I've probably worn many a dominant out doing this to him. There is nothing wrong with some reassuring on occasion but in my circumstances, it was really just a lack of self-control.

I find submitting to another person far easier when I am in control of myself. Hard to be mastered by another person if you cannot master yourself.

But that really wasn't the point....what do I think your friend meant? That he wanted to be the boss and if the sub should forget this...she will be reminded. :)

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 9:11:16 PM

domiguy

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Juney baby, Absolutely....It doesn't matter who it is. Whether it be some 'nilla dude or the domliest of Doms. Continual drama is just a shit load of bullshit that no one should be forced to endure.

It is damn near an instaneous deal breaker once the pattern has been established.

You need to be always reminded of how you are supposed to act?

Get the Hell away from me.

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/2/2010 10:11:34 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Continual drama is just a shit load of bullshit that no one should be forced to endure.

This

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RE: "A Submissive's Place" - 8/3/2010 6:51:22 AM

heartfeltsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

NOTE TO SELF = true submissives never need to be put back in their place (LOL) La La La La... for the record, some women love it when somebody put them back in their place, instead of letting them walk over them. (seriously, this is shit that vanilla none lifestyle women fucking talk about). I can't believe some people ain't keen on this concept.

This is the part that I don't get, what if she doesn't ty to walk all over the person they are in a relatiionship with? What if after she has made the decision to bow the knee and submit to an individual, she actually obeys? Is there a type that needs as my friend indicated to conquer and apparently continue to conquer? Does that feed something? This is not about "true submission or anything else.

Thanks for your reply,
heartfelt

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