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RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 12:44:14 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
...the next prat who tries to tell you that he's MrDomlyAlmighty...

Actually, the easier way to resolve that is just to ask them if they are me since all know that I'm MrDomlyAlmighty.

yes, unless its Jeff who of course is, without question or argument - the Domliest Almightiest of all DomlyAlmighties.

(can i stop creeping now )

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 21

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/11/2010 1:45:01 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

I'm not just looking for a sex partner or occasional D/s session. My goal is a long term/permanent relationship. Therefore, I feel it's important to learn as much as possible PRIOR to pursuing any possible relationship.

Am I expecting too much? Is there such a thing as asking too many questions?

Or you can eliminate your goals and simply enjoy his company and see if a spark occurs. You know what you want and it's not necessary to preface all discussions with this. Whether you can accept that something may or may not take place is depending on your outlook. Attempting to arrange things upfront when it's really unwritten only creates expectations that are bound to be unrealized.

One of the key aspects of what you're seeking is relating. I'd gather you'd need to do a lot of that before you could assess if the person you're relating with is capable of leading you. No amount of checklists and brief discussions can reveal that in my opinion. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Bobbie9395)

Post #: 22

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/12/2010 10:31:03 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

Am I expecting too much? Is there such a thing as asking too many questions?

What a refreshing change... normally when someone asks if they are being unreasonable they are only looking for some egocentric validation!

No, I don't think you are expecting too much. But remember if you are only getting one sort of a fish out of the pond, change your fishing tackle, or change ponds.

Your profile is OK, although, there is no need to reference this problem... most people online are aware of what it brings, and boy I'd be rich if I had a penny for every time I was told I wasn't submissive. It comes with the territory, and is of no use to you when searching for a dominant.

You are quite closed off about some things, your words, your dislikes, your hates and hard limits. Now please forgive me for volunteering this information, but do you actually know you don't like them, hate them, or is that your perceived reaction to certain actions? Let me put it this way, go back 40 years and what would your reaction be to you posting an ad on a BDSM site? Pretty negative I bet!

You can't afford to be closed minded in life, let alone when looking for a partner... you will close more doors than you will open.

The same goes to your expectations... no-one wants to think of a conditionalised relationship before it happens. So often we will compromise because there are other redeeming features.

Try putting more about you, what you like, what you want... in life in general, not solely about BDSM.

When I met Andrew (online) we talked about everything and anything in the two weeks before our meeting... it was only half an hour before I left home that I realised we hadn't discussed anything kink related other than he wanted to be in control and I wanted to submit.

And finally, yes there can be too many questions, but not at the stage that you are talking about.

Good luck in your journey!

(in reply to Bobbie9395)

Post #: 23

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/12/2010 2:40:23 PM

Bobbie9395

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

Am I expecting too much? Is there such a thing as asking too many questions?

You are quite closed off about some things, your words, your dislikes, your hates and hard limits. Now please forgive me for volunteering this information, but do you actually know you don't like them, hate them, or is that your perceived reaction to certain actions? Let me put it this way, go back 40 years and what would your reaction be to you posting an ad on a BDSM site? Pretty negative I bet!

I hope I'm doing this quote thing right, subsfaith. I read your comments with interest, and they inspired me to go back in a delete a few sentences from my profile statement. I would be grateful if you would take another look at it for me, and give me your honest observation. Thanks so very much.

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 24

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/12/2010 9:47:20 PM

iwant2byourslv

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline

No.. I don't think so.. I am new to this life style... and it seems like almost every message I am sent has to do with what I am wearing..Someone wanting to order me to do something... It is very discouraging to say the least.. I had to update my profile to add my feelings.. I just don't think I should of had to do that... I am seriously aggravated....

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/12/2010 10:15:36 PM

PlayDocWithMe

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline

I'm quoting any shyt I get from the rude ones right on my profile. I don't care anymore if it makes them angry. It makes me feel empowered to expose their crap. I am so done with stupid men. Just because I have a medical fetish doesn't mean I'm interested in becoming some damn online slave. I don't care anymore if someone DOES think I'm unreasonable. I'm sick of their shyt!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/13/2010 1:03:54 AM

macs

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/13/2010
Status: offline

Hiya Bobbie know your not being unreasonable, there just guys that have got the wrong idea. How can you submitt to someone you don't no, it does not make sence

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 27

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/13/2010 6:18:55 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

You are not being unreasonable. Set a goal or path for yourself and follow that path. You know best what is right for you.

However, do not be led to believe that you are right and all these doms that do not agree with you are wrong despite all that static and lip service in this thread to the contrary. I realize your question is more of 'getting it off my chest' rant than it is a legitimate question. Let's be honest - it is the same rhetorical question we see posted here in the forums on a weekly basis. You knew the answer already. It's just another opportunity for everyone to pile on the doms in absentia.

People look for different things in relationships for different reasons. Some people can grasp this concept - most cannot.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Bobbie9395)

Post #: 28

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/13/2010 8:57:46 AM

PlayDocWithMe

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

You are not being unreasonable. Set a goal or path for yourself and follow that path. You know best what is right for you.

However, do not be led to believe that you are right and all these doms that do not agree with you are wrong despite all that static and lip service in this thread to the contrary. I realize your question is more of 'getting it off my chest' rant than it is a legitimate question. Let's be honest - it is the same rhetorical question we see posted here in the forums on a weekly basis. You knew the answer already. It's just another opportunity for everyone to pile on the doms in absentia.

People look for different things in relationships for different reasons. Some people can grasp this concept - most cannot.

Yes people do look for very different things in any relationship, so why assume they have a relationship with a woman before they have taken the time to get to know them? I think the biggest mistake on a Dom's part is assuming ownership before consent has been given. Why not step out of the "fantasy" for a moment, avoid getting all caught up in the pretty pictures, and truly get to know the woman, and give her some insight into your personality as well? Instead of discounting women's "rants" look at it as a learning experience of what women really want? A guy not behaving like a total jerk with a woman he barely knows is a good start as well.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 29

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/13/2010 9:40:32 AM

Bobbie9395

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

You are not being unreasonable. Set a goal or path for yourself and follow that path. You know best what is right for you.

However, do not be led to believe that you are right and all these doms that do not agree with you are wrong despite all that static and lip service in this thread to the contrary. I realize your question is more of 'getting it off my chest' rant than it is a legitimate question. Let's be honest - it is the same rhetorical question we see posted here in the forums on a weekly basis. You knew the answer already. It's just another opportunity for everyone to pile on the doms in absentia.

People look for different things in relationships for different reasons. Some people can grasp this concept - most cannot.

Thanks for your response. I do want to make it clear, this was NOT intended as a rant. It was a sincere question based on my lack of experience in the lifestyle and messages I've received here. I initially thought I had to comply with the orders of any Dom I began a chat relationship with. I thought I had to prove I was capable of obeying. The result was I exposed myself in ways I never should have. I was totally stupid. I truly needed confirmation that just because I start a chat with a Dom, it doesn't mean I have to comply with their requests. The responses here have been so helpful, and now I know. And, again, thank you for your opinion.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 30

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/25/2010 6:47:01 AM

SomoneReal

Posts: 65
Joined: 7/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

Being fairly new to the lifestyle (yes, even at my tender age), am I being unreasonable to expect that we should get to know each other as people first? Almost without exception, every Dom who has contacted me has acted like he's my Dom from the get go. Seems to me we should get to know each other first, get to know our likes and dislikes, our expectations, our hard limits, our interests outside the lifestyle. I feel I should be able to be honest and ask questions of him.

I'm not just looking for a sex partner or occasional D/s session. My goal is a long term/permanent relationship. Therefore, I feel it's important to learn as much as possible PRIOR to pursuing any possible relationship.

Am I expecting too much? Is there such a thing as asking too many questions?

Thanks for your honest responses here

There's not many people like you on CollarMe. Most people see this shit in movies or read about it in books and than think that tying someone up or throwing someone around is D/s.

Message me - You sound real :)

(in reply to Bobbie9395)

Post #: 31

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/29/2010 2:05:27 AM

Wazz

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/3/2009
Status: offline

A great question, some very good advise given by posters, if you cannot communicate openly with your Dom - potential or active - then your future is doomed with that Dom.
Thats my experience, hismouse and i have and will continue to talk about every aspect of our relationship, if we didnt we would not be together
goodluck

_____________________________

Note to self
Die with no regrets : Dont die tommorow.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 32

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/29/2010 4:39:03 PM

QuirkyAnne

Posts: 268
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

Absolutely not. Anytime a person, whether kinky or vanilla makes it clear that they don't need to know who I am and what I value in life before they want to play or have sex with me, I immediately drop them.

_____________________________

Anne

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just STUPID."

(in reply to Bobbie9395)

Post #: 33

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 8/31/2010 3:44:50 AM

Abstracts

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2010
Status: offline

It also stands to reason that a Dom would want a sub to know a great deal about them. Their likes, dislikes, etc. If the prospective sub were to begin serving them, this would only enhance their ability to do so. Personally, we encourage the subs we message to tell us what they and to know about us. And we even volunteer information we think might interest them based off of their profile. And we ask them a lot of questions as well. I mean, who wants just any old sub? We want OUR sub, if you can understand my meaning.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 34

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/2/2010 1:30:16 AM

VenturaKitten

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/12/2009
Status: offline

I have learned to ignore those who order me to kneel and turn on my cam with their first email, but I am still frustrated by those who begin a normal conversation but after two exchanges seem to assume that because I am replying to them I now belong to them.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 35

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/2/2010 5:03:35 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

As a good sub friend of Mine once said. "I may be a subbie slut, but im not YOUR subbie slut"

(in reply to VenturaKitten)

Post #: 36

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/2/2010 12:10:16 PM

D0M1NANT

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/18/2010
Status: offline

Some really good information here for one who wants to see it.. I do agree respect is earned not given. The only thing that can be TAKEN is fear, not respect or trust.. Getting to know the Dom should be a matter of course and should be first and foremost in E/everyones mind.. Why slap a collar on someone only to find 2 days later that they are not right for you or your house..? Its ridiculous, but those coming in do have a tendency to fall for that type of pitfalls.. Glad this one does have the proper outlook on the subject.. Plain and simple, a collar is the equivalent of a wedding ring.. One does not meet a girl and ask her to marry him the same day.. Well, NORMAL people don't, and that should be the clue to beat feet.. But the lure of the coveted collar holds sway and seems to suspend disbelief in the proper order of how things should work..

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 37

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/13/2010 5:29:27 PM

DaddyDeviance

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/1/2009
Status: offline

Get to know th man. Be slowly introduced to the dominant inside. Explore, open yourself, discover your tastes and limits together. Let short submission sessions slowly evolve into the level of submission that you wish to surrender to him. If you wish a sound LTR, I feel this is critical. In my younger day, I had many a relationship end due to diving into BDSM only to discover the person underneath really wasn't what I was seeking.

(in reply to D0M1NANT)

Post #: 38

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/13/2010 11:07:58 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Uh if she ain't putting out after 2 dates SeeYaBye.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 39

RE: Am I Being Unreasonable? - 9/14/2010 12:00:21 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Putting out aint ownership.

just sayin

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 40

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