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Scammers - 4/19/2006 10:45:16 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		OK, I know you are all going to think that I am a total knucklehead, but is there any way AT ALL to tell when a Dom/Master is truly what he says he is?  This is the second time I have gotten an email from some woman telling me that so and so isn't what he seems...yada yada yada.  Any tip offs?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 11:06:42 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		You could try trusting your own judgements instead of those of others?

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 11:18:18 AM   
LrdMist


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/8/2004
Status: offline 		Listen to what he says and how he says it over time. Talk with several others not just a couple. Even with that, there is no sure-fire way. I wish there was. The flip side offers no solution either for submissives are just as bad. Bottom line: gut instinct and never take anything as gospel truth until you're certain. Remember that on here, it's just pixels.

Be safe, think and plan ahead.

Mist

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 11:22:09 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LrdMist

Listen to what he says and how he says it over time. Talk with several others not just a couple. Even with that, there is no sure-fire way. I wish there was. The flip side offers no solution either for submissives are just as bad. Bottom line: gut instinct and never take anything as gospel truth until you're certain. Remember that on here, it's just pixels.

Be safe, think and plan ahead.

Mist



welcome to the boards... Like your nic  *G*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LrdMist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 11:48:42 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I'm pretty new and still trying to figure this out too. There are a few threads on safety you might want to check out. Just knowing those things can help you evaluate a prospective Dom's responses to you. For example if he insists you are not a "true sub" if you request your first meeting be in public or ask him for personal information. That would be a "tip off" or "red flag".


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 11:59:35 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, all.  I guess I'm just going to have to be a bit more careful...I mean, nothing has happened and I am confident nothing will...I'm pretty cautious.  You're right, LrdMist...pixels are all they are.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 12:17:22 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		All excellent advice but in the end you must trust your own instincts. Good luck to you and "happy pixels!"

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 4:34:30 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think that's the problem, Kevin, my instincts suck!  I mean, it's not truly an issue as I hadn't met either of the two doms...I didn't see it cming, tho.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 7:11:21 PM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sure there are scammers; I guess I've been lucky, but I also think my limits help.  I don't talk about sex first thing--if someone can't relate to me on an intellectual level I can't get interested and I'm screening for Republicans and Fundamentalists before I'll talk about anythign personal, and I don't do phone sex/cyber sex--coffee first for me (you'd be surprised how many men disappear when it's coffee or nothing!).  For me, it is hard enough to move from technological to tactile without having the super-fast intimacy that the net encourages in all forms--I think that helps to separate the married guys looking for a little net action from the folks looking for a real relationship.

I think that most people probably are real, there are just so many different ways of being real.  I'm sure there are people out there that think I'm not real because I don't want 24/7 and I want someone that I can have intellectual discussions and will go protest the POTUS and talk about the blogs and will argue with me over who we should support in 08 and not just tell me "you're supporting John Warner, end of discussion."  "This is a site for slaves" I've been told by a couple of men who didn't like my limits.  It ain't necessarily so; this may also be a site for vanilla-fudge swirl with plenty of toppings.  I may not be 'real' to some men, but I'll be real to others--we'll have to negotiate our own set of rules--we won't have a pre-written template, but, hopefully, someone will watch over me and I'll be bewitched, bothered and bewildered and find the man I love. 

Anyway, my point is, I would hate it if these guys started e-mailing all the potential men out there saying I wasn't 'real.'  Is it possible that these women that e-mailed (how did they know you were talking with these guys?  Chicago is a big city!) have an axe to grind as well?  Is it possible these men are real in different ways? 

You might want to throw a few vanilla interests on your profile as well and know that you have not just the right, but the obligation to take care of yourself--you owe it to whoever you end up with! (You have interests in the checkboxes, but I would personally find it hard to start a conversation with you because you haven't written anything, but then I'm a sub girl, so maybe a Dom wouldn't have a hard time.)

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Scammers - 4/19/2006 8:57:01 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LrdMist

Listen to what he says and how he says it over time. Talk with several others not just a couple. Even with that, there is no sure-fire way. I wish there was. The flip side offers no solution either for submissives are just as bad. Bottom line: gut instinct and never take anything as gospel truth until you're certain. Remember that on here, it's just pixels.

Be safe, think and plan ahead.

Mist

Have to agree with LrdMist..especially the safe,think and plan ahead..and if you question something and the answer still gives you a "I am not sure feeling"..then more than likely, you have your answer...Tempting

(in reply to LrdMist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Scammers - 4/20/2006 9:03:56 PM   
LrdMist


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/8/2004
Status: offline 		Just keep your wits about you. 25 plus years of experience talking there and at times I'm still not totally certain.

Mist

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Scammers - 4/20/2006 9:07:43 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice.  I actually am quite careful and I hadn't met those men, it just bothered me that I was suckered in...even for a few chats.

(in reply to LrdMist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Scammers - 4/20/2006 9:52:13 PM   
LrdMist


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladychatterley

I'm sure there are scammers; I guess I've been lucky, but I also think my limits help.  I don't talk about sex first thing--if someone can't relate to me on an intellectual level I can't get interested and I'm screening for Republicans and Fundamentalists before I'll talk about anythign personal, and I don't do phone sex/cyber sex--coffee first for me (you'd be surprised how many men disappear when it's coffee or nothing!).  For me, it is hard enough to move from technological to tactile without having the super-fast intimacy that the net encourages in all forms--I think that helps to separate the married guys looking for a little net action from the folks looking for a real relationship.

Smart lady you are (limits). If all a subbie has is her bottom to offer, she's not going to trip my interest. The sad reality is I can't spend the all day paddling her (wonderful idea though) for it'd become boring. Way too tender for her too. There has to be balance which brings new items to conversation and experience.

Hey, now, Republicans aren't so bad. <smile> Don't get me started on GWB either. grrrrr

Coffee, etc. - yes. I have had a couple that changed from that. I emphasize there were two over many years. I like to know my victim. ;-) Also gives me hints as to what she might like.

--we'll have to negotiate our own set of rules-we won't have a pre-written template, but, hopefully, someone will watch over me and I'll be bewitched, bothered and bewildered and find the man I love. 

Is there any other way, really? Then I didn't come in a mold.

You might want to throw a few vanilla interests on your profile as well and know that you have not just the right, but the obligation to take care of yourself--you owe it to whoever you end up with! (You have interests in the checkboxes, but I would personally find it hard to start a conversation with you because you haven't written anything, but then I'm a sub girl, so maybe a Dom wouldn't have a hard time.)


Profiles! Gads, I hate profiles. Never enough, the wrong thing, too much of one and not the other - sheesh, make life easy - talk to me. That lack of mold thing again.

Mist

(in reply to ladychatterley)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Scammers - 4/21/2006 11:22:18 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ask for references. Real life references. And if the person has none, be careful.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Scammers - 4/21/2006 11:52:40 AM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Find out for yourself. I've found that listening to rumor mills is a lot like high school-lots of confused tail chasing-but we all have to grow up eventually...............or do we?

I really wonder at the close resemblance bewteen that barely pubescent institution,and the bdsm "scene" at times..........

(Which is why I avoid it now,come to think ot it.)


(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Scammers - 4/21/2006 1:33:38 PM   
LrdMist


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


welcome to the boards... Like your nic  *G*


Yours isn't too shabby either. <g>

Mist

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 16
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