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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/9/2010 1:18:30 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Generally, I love to spank.  But if it's for punishment, I make sure that neither of us enjoy it.


This may sound naive, but as someone who's been spanked less than half a dozen times, I probably am naive on this topic

So: how do you make sure that you don't enjoy it? I can see how you might make your sub feel less than comfortable, but if you generally love it, what prevents you from feeling that rush?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/9/2010 1:47:54 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
So: how do you make sure that you don't enjoy it? I can see how you might make your sub feel less than comfortable, but if you generally love it, what prevents you from feeling that rush?
Well, I'm not big into the punishment dynamic myself, but I can tell you that when Carol and I are not in-synch, then it is always highly troubling to both of us. I can't really imagine a situation wherein we could be out-of-sync enough that punishment seemed like a useful strategy where at the same time I was feeling anything positive whatsoever. Even if I enjoyed spanking the overall emotional landscape would put a very different spin on things.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/9/2010 3:45:58 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

Him not having a hard-on while spanking me is like him not having a hard-on while fucking me: just doesn't work.


I was about to exit this thread until I read this....

Frankly, I find it rather a bizarre notion. lol If most forms of play "required" me to have hard-on then the average play scenes would be fewer, shorter and further between. Granted, you need an erection for sex but for the majority of things I like to do to my girl as an act of domination/submission, it gets in the way and is even a distraction.

The thing is, D/s interaction is highly desirable and enjoyable to me but does not necessarily equate to sexual arousal. And like I said, often I don't want the distraction as I'm usually more focused on what I'm doing to her to make her squirm etc. And yes, that often means I'm doing sexual things to her so she's inevitably sexually aroused, but mostly my dick isn't part of that action.

The simple physiology is that men don't get to climax nearly as much as women so I don't like to waste it. On the other hand, women are ideal to tease and torture sexually for the same reason. I've never kept score but my own sexual release happens maybe one time in three that I'm playing with a fem/sub. Mostly I like to remain fully clothed with her fully naked for the general headspace of our roles, relationship and general scene dynamic.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/9/2010 6:29:15 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My dom didn't spank/cane me for punishment - he knew i enjoyed those forms of interaction too much.
He made me stand nose against the wall, and forbade me move.  Let me tell you - i didn't enjoy that at all.

When he spanked/flogged/caned me , we both enjoyed it - very much. There was no element of punishment in it at all, just enjoyment for us.  And i had been known to ask for a beating when i needed/wanted one- and he wasn't ever gentle. Typically, he would go just a wee bit past what i felt comfortable with - and enjoy that fact as well.

I never felt what we did was abusive, even though there were times when observers were cringing.  And i think that is the key - I never felt it was abusive.

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 1:06:53 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not DS for forgive me for ansering for him, but if it was my daddy having  to punish me, there wouldn't be any way for him to enjoy it, since a punishment is negative, and he doesn't enjoy negative things.

It hurts his heart to have t o get heavy handed with me.  Things that are hurting your heart, just are not enjoyable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB



This may sound naive, but as someone who's been spanked less than half a dozen times, I probably am naive on this topic

So: how do you make sure that you don't enjoy it? I can see how you might make your sub feel less than comfortable, but if you generally love it, what prevents you from feeling that rush?


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(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 2:09:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I had a dominant email me today and he thought we were very compatible. I state quite clearly I am not into the "punishment" dynamic on my profile. Since he thought we would make a good match, I went ahead and I decided to read what he had to say. He says "infractions will be disciplined". I then tell him I am not into that.

So we have this exchange going back and forth... he wants a sub he can punish for rule breaking by spanking her. It is his fetish. So basically, this dom was enjoying spankings in ways that would be ALL wrong for me. I told him"

"spankings are rewards, not punishments, and since you enjoy a misbehaving sub we won't be compatible because I don't misbehave enough to make it fun for you and then you would be setting me up to fail"

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/10/2010 2:10:24 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 2:56:11 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I had a dominant email me today and he thought we were very compatible. I state quite clearly I am not into the "punishment" dynamic on my profile. Since he thought we would make a good match, I went ahead and I decided to read what he had to say. He says "infractions will be disciplined". I then tell him I am not into that.

So we have this exchange going back and forth... he wants a sub he can punish for rule breaking by spanking her. It is his fetish. So basically, this dom was enjoying spankings in ways that would be ALL wrong for me. I told him"

"spankings are rewards, not punishments, and since you enjoy a misbehaving sub we won't be compatible because I don't misbehave enough to make it fun for you and then you would be setting me up to fail"


I always chuckle at this particular "dom" mindset because it strikes me that it's exactly what some ignorant vanilla would think a dom is/does. That is, he needs some preceding excuse, justification, or phony premise etc to indulge in that which he enjoys.

The only premise I need is to own my sub and be in the mood for doing whatever. A right of passage that ownership brings.... And as you say, spankings (or any attention) are about reward for being a good girl who I wanna do stuff with and to etc.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 3:24:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It made me glad I am experienced so that I could see through him

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 4:52:48 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I will gear this question primarily for the females as I would imagine most men would want their mistresses taking some form of enjoyment from process of doling out a punishment, but the reverse could seem to border on abusive, and I was wondering where the line was (or ought to be) drawn, and how fine it is.



I enjoy administering pain and my style is not abusive. As for punishment, I derive no enjoyment from behavioral correction. In my mind it references situations where discipline and other forms of conditioning have not been successful and the infraction still takes place. I see this as problematic rather than arousing.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Jaybeee)
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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 5:33:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What TFTB said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I'm not DS for forgive me for ansering for him, but if it was my daddy having  to punish me, there wouldn't be any way for him to enjoy it, since a punishment is negative, and he doesn't enjoy negative things.

It hurts his heart to have t o get heavy handed with me.  Things that are hurting your heart, just are not enjoyable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB



This may sound naive, but as someone who's been spanked less than half a dozen times, I probably am naive on this topic

So: how do you make sure that you don't enjoy it? I can see how you might make your sub feel less than comfortable, but if you generally love it, what prevents you from feeling that rush?



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 6:29:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee



Thanks for that, but for an example of boundaries, I presume a slap across the face would be ok, but a fist would not? I'm just trying to get an idea of the difference between punishment and outright cruelty, as well as an idea whether outright cruelty is ever acceptable.

Sorry if these questions seem amateurish or uncomfortable, everyone.


Some people like being punched. But lots of people have negative reactions to face slapping so don't assume that's an okay thing to do.

And for some of us, it's way too dangerous. I have implants in both eyes, a slap gone wrong might not cause me a black eye but permanent blindness. Like everything else, you must talk about it in order to know what's safe and what isn't.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/10/2010 7:27:38 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Generally, I love to spank.  But if it's for punishment, I make sure that neither of us enjoy it.


This may sound naive, but as someone who's been spanked less than half a dozen times, I probably am naive on this topic

So: how do you make sure that you don't enjoy it? I can see how you might make your sub feel less than comfortable, but if you generally love it, what prevents you from feeling that rush?



juju, I love to cook. I mean love it. Farmer's market whore. The whole experience of preparing food really thrills me, and I have always been a "foodie". However.....on Saturday I am catering a goddamn golf tournament for my man and he is on the board at the golf club. I have to prepare lunch and then a lobster bake for 100 golfers that will be most likely half drunk and fully hungry by the time they round the 9th hole for lunch let alone the 18th for lobsters. It has now become a chore for me, a necessity, and that in itself takes the joy out of something I love to do.

Use that anology and build on it if you will. Something you love to do can become unpleasant if it is done from necessity and from drudgery or even from having to do it to punish someone. I have been spanked by the same man for both sexua pleasure and for punishment and even as a masochist, neither I nor he enjoyed the sensations or the emotions of the punishment spanking. Quick and dirty I call it. If those lobsters are overcooked on Saturday we may revisit this issue in detail. .

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 2:13:03 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I will gear this question primarily for the females as I would imagine most men would want their mistresses taking some form of enjoyment from process of doling out a punishment, but the reverse could seem to border on abusive, and I was wondering where the line was (or ought to be) drawn, and how fine it is.



I enjoy administering pain and my style is not abusive. As for punishment, I derive no enjoyment from behavioral correction. In my mind it references situations where discipline and other forms of conditioning have not been successful and the infraction still takes place. I see this as problematic rather than arousing.

~porcelaine



Fairly interesting about the difference between the motivations for inflicting pain, but you're a mistress, are you not? My question wasn't for mistresses, but female SUBS, as made quite clear by the thread title and opening post.

On an aside, the motivations in punishment put me in mind of parenting; there, punishment must never be administered with a smile, or any form of enjoyment. That would indeed constitute abuse in parenting, but now I'm the one talking about irrelevancies!!

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 6:13:42 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee


quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I will gear this question primarily for the females as I would imagine most men would want their mistresses taking some form of enjoyment from process of doling out a punishment, but the reverse could seem to border on abusive, and I was wondering where the line was (or ought to be) drawn, and how fine it is.



I enjoy administering pain and my style is not abusive. As for punishment, I derive no enjoyment from behavioral correction. In my mind it references situations where discipline and other forms of conditioning have not been successful and the infraction still takes place. I see this as problematic rather than arousing.

~porcelaine



Fairly interesting about the difference between the motivations for inflicting pain, but you're a mistress, are you not? My question wasn't for mistresses, but female SUBS, as made quite clear by the thread title and opening post.

On an aside, the motivations in punishment put me in mind of parenting; there, punishment must never be administered with a smile, or any form of enjoyment. That would indeed constitute abuse in parenting, but now I'm the one talking about irrelevancies!!


1) Anyone is welcome to answer any post on any forum regardless of their orientation.

2) You did not have issue with any of the other non-female subs who posted in answer to your query, which I find curious.


3) She wasn't answering you, but jujubee's query.

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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 6:21:31 AM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I will gear this question primarily for the females as I would imagine most men would want their mistresses taking some form of enjoyment from process of doling out a punishment, but the reverse could seem to border on abusive, and I was wondering where the line was (or ought to be) drawn, and how fine it is.
Enjoying the act of administering punishment is abuse.  Period. End of Sentence. End of Discussion.
Enjoying the act of spanking for spanking's sake is....a given.


_____________________________

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Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to Jaybeee)
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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 9:12:10 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Enjoying the act of administering punishment is abuse.  Period. End of Sentence. End of Discussion.
Enjoying the act of spanking for spanking's sake is....a given.


Sorry, I don't agree with this at all. If both people get fulfilled by whatever they are doing it is not abuse

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 9:13:53 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't view spanking as punishment. It is fun. Therefore whomever is spanking me should be enjoying it or they should not be there at all.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 9:44:21 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

I will gear this question primarily for the females as I would imagine most men would want their mistresses taking some form of enjoyment from process of doling out a punishment, but the reverse could seem to border on abusive, and I was wondering where the line was (or ought to be) drawn, and how fine it is.
Enjoying the act of administering punishment is abuse.  Period. End of Sentence. End of Discussion.
Enjoying the act of spanking for spanking's sake is....a given.


I disagree that it's abusive full stop. If it enriches the relationship for both partners, it's not abuse.

From the s side of the slash, I may be thinking, "She's really enjoying punishing me!" and the thought it sends my head into a fun place.

(in reply to texangael)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 6:53:41 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
Yes, He enjoys spanking me. He enjoys everything He does to/with me or else we wouldn't be doing it. Period. He simply doesn't partake in things He doesn't like to when it comes to the two of us. Well, unless you count tolerating the 70's music I have on iTunes As for punishment? That's simply never needed. I obey because I want to and there's no need to punish me, let alone with spanking which wouldn't be a punishment at all

luci

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RE: Should/Does your Master ENJOY spanking you? - 8/11/2010 8:44:18 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry, I don't agree with this at all.
Does not change the fact that anyone deserving the label of human being is not going to enjoy punishing others.


_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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