RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a question

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 11/25/2010 7:30:27 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Is he a switch?

First a question: If he IDs as a switch, why question it?

The term switch is like bisexuality to me. I am bisexual though I am a MISERABLE failure with women therefore the VAST majority of my relationships and sexual experiences are with men. I'm extremely good at getting men into my bed and always have been. That may change in the future - who knows? But just because I am, for all appearances, heterosexual doesn't make me heterosexual.

Honestly, if he likes bottoming, I would suggest that he label himself a switch. There have been many threads here where women have posted over and over again that they can't handle a dominant who would ever bottom. So, IMHO, I think his search will be easier if he IDs as a switch to cut those women out from the start.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 12/22/2010 5:51:54 AM

kinkyguy732

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/20/2010
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I look at the sub/dom dichotomy as part of a continuum, not as binary states. From experience I know that my range is very sub to moderately dom. When toward the edge of my range of activities or behaviors (either way) I am increasingly letting go of one thing and reveling in another.

When sub I like the notion that somehow I am attracting a dom sexually (not in a "I'm pretty" way, but in a "you want this" way). I enjoy the pleasure he or she derives from satisfying the urge to take something they want. I also know that the dom will ignore or suppress my humanity at times as he or she caters to a desire to control me, to give me pain or pleasure, to bind me, to dictate me reality for a while. In essence, they objectify me and mark me as theirs. That said, they cannot obliterate my humanity entirely or I have no value and they have conquered nothing. This to me is a psychological push from them in contrast to whatever psychological pull I may cause by way of attraction. I like the balance of urges in the dom. I like to see that and understand where the line between the two is drawn within their head.

When dom I like the notion that I can cater in a very specific way to my sub's needs and desires. That is the attraction for me. I also want to possess and control and take the sub where I want him or her to be. I do care about what they are going to feel and experience and I want to provide something memorable, but something within the constraints of where I want to go. I let my urges and creativity flow into the scene, though always within the limits. My empathy to the sub is what tends to constrain my dom behavior and limit my range to what I consider "moderate", though many would not find it moderate at all.

One last thought, there is not much value to me (either role) in a thoughtless "beat this shit out of and really hurt someone and fuck them carelessly" scene. That's a bit more on the S/M side where (it seems to me) the inflicting/taking of pain is more central to the scene than the human beings in the sub/dom roles. Some highly masochistic painsluts might a well be hooked up to a pain inflicting machine. There is simply no sport in this level of pain (accepting or inflicting) for me.

--j

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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Post #: 22

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 2/9/2011 7:53:25 PM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Im the same way as Red. Sometimes I enjoy playing both ways. Im a womans man but I have played with men. I consider myself a OPEN minded person. If you tried to put a label on me it would be to long to pronounce. Stigma means a closed minded person. Dont label yourself Enjoy. Please people no tomes. If you have something to say get to the dammed point.

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 2/17/2011 9:42:25 AM

Bound2Fly

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/13/2008
From: Central Ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a friend who calls himself a "switch". We were talking about his orientation and he tells me about certain things that make him a switch (I don't want to get into the specific actions). These things he related to me made me at first think he liked to bottom, because of the actions he was describing... but then he said to me...

"I like to tell a woman what to do, I tell her when to do it, and I want her to comply with what I tell her"

He sounds like a dominant when it comes to his relationship orientation...he wants to be with a woman he controls. He just wants her to do certain topping actions at his behest sometimes... where he directs from the bottom...

Is he a switch?

What you are describing is referred to as "topping from the bottom". He wants to direct the session even though he is in the physical position of bottom or submissive. Far be it from me to say he is not a switch, but if, instead, he is seeking the top to "take over" control of the session from him, then it would be easier to say yes, he is a switch.

Not knowing the person, I can only speculate. It is possible that he seeks a relationship where his partner is submissive enough to him that she will top him as he directs her to.

As for me, my ideal relationship is where my partner and I are truly willing to switch with each other as things "play out". Also, ideally, whether she is topping me or me topping her, it would look to others like an intense Master/slave relationship.

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I am a switch seeking my female counterpart

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Post #: 24

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 4/19/2011 10:09:57 AM

tonyfordz

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/19/2011
From: USA, Tennessee, Pigeon Forge
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Yes, he is just a switch that leans more towards the Dominant side then the submissive one.

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Post #: 25

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 4/22/2011 10:55:42 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
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quote:

Is he a switch?

bugger me in a pew, i don't know. sure, switch, dominant bottom, whatever fits tightest to him.

hannah lynn

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fuck a duck ~w. disney

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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Post #: 26

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 5/2/2011 8:47:10 PM

thedavezone

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
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That's what's called "topping from the bottom." I also have a list of things I like done TO me, but I can't hold still for them, and I'd immediately use my safe-word so I use time limits with renewals instead.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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Post #: 27

RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 5/23/2011 12:31:55 PM

Sunny27

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
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Aww yeah he'd a switch if he told you his friend who's also into Bdsm that he's a switch then he is a switch. I say this as sometimes people being Dom's don't like it to be known that they have their woman on top in a missionary position and to be the one moving the most while the Dom just lies their loving the experience! Ha!!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: I have never posted in this section, but I have a q... - 5/23/2011 1:24:24 PM

popularDemand

Posts: 228
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Labels are funny things aren't they?

pD

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A sentence should be like a serpent: Quick with a sting in its tail. String me a line that has meaning and depth.
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Small talk stinks.

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